Let's Talk About Bugs

I may have lost you already. But maybe not…

You see the last week or two has taught me a lot about the way we feel about bugs. And when you're talking about bugs, the big bad elephant in the room is "infestation." Even the word makes you start itching, doesn't it?

I've decided we modern Americans think of an infestation like we think of plastic surgery or venereal diseases: everyone's fascinated hearing about other people's; no wants to admit they've had it. Since I've "gone public" with our bugs, I've been getting tons of questions about it, but others will only admit theirs in private, to a degree, in whispers. It's kind-of hilarious. I think it's because they're worried that:

a. People will think they don't keep a clean house.
b. People won't want to visit said house.
c. It'll hurt their ability to sell said house someday.

All of which are possible but highly unlikely. Unless it's during a rampant infestation, of course. If you've got something crawling all over your walls, I'm not coming over for coffee.

But most don't look anything like that, because bugs are really good at hiding, and most people catch them before they get all crazy.

Like in my case. Let me just say up front that after 2 full weeks of fighting carpet beetles by cleaning my house from top to bottom, I've only seen 1 alive and less than 10 dead. They felt like a minor irritation, because they were eating little holes in our clothes, but so far, it really didn't seem like a big deal.

The solution was the big deal. But I'm getting ahead of myself…

Discovery

It all started 2 weeks ago. I wore a new, never-washed shirt to a breakfast at the boys' school. As I was walking out, I noticed a small--and definitely new--hole in my shirt.

LIGHTBULB!

Suddenly all these little snapshots from the past year started clicking into place, solving a mystery that I hadn't realized existed until that moment:

- Standing in the laundry room, disappointed to find another cotton shirt with a hole in it.
- Considering buying a new washer because the agitator must be tearing them up.
- Reading my sister-in-law's advocacy for old washers with agitators (hm - perhaps the agitator is not the enemy).
- Finding a teeny-tiny fuzzyish worm or its feather-light molted skin on a baseboard every couple months.

I'd been planning to call pest control about carpenter bees hovering near our garage, so I tacked this to my mental list and made the call. They were at our house in 30minutes.

The Good News

I showed the Bug Man the carpenter bees (no big deal), and then mentioned the holes in my clothes. Being new, he called HQ to verify. What eats clothing of any natural fibers (not just wool)? Carpet beetles. Had I seen any adults carpet beetles? No. Do they eat people? No. Are they as evil and aggressive as bed bugs? No. Can we get rid of them? Probably. That's about it for the good news.

The Bad News

Is the treatment the same as it is for their more malicious cousins? Yes. Does the treatment turn your house up-side-down? Yes. Does it involve lots of hard labor? Yes. Are they hard to eliminate? Yes.

Here's the list he gave me to do before they came back to fumigate the house in 6 days:

• Anything made of fabric would need to be washed and dried at high heat, or run in the dryer for 30-40min at high heat, or ziplocked in the freezer for 1-2 weeks, or dry-cleaned.
• Read the first one again, in case you missed its MASSIVE implications.
• Remove all outlet covers on the lower half of the walls (so they can spray in the walls).
• Move everything (including furniture) away from the walls/baseboards.
• Throw away and/or encase all mattresses in special covers ($150/queen bed).
• Remove floor vent covers and vacuum inside ducts.
• Change vent air filters.
• Using hose with attachment, vacuum along baseboards throughout the house, and especially behind furniture and backs of closets. Vacuum or wipe with alcohol any surface likely to collect dust/lint.

At first I also thought I could suffocate the bugs, but it takes 18 months in vacuum-sealed bags before the larvae die, so I wound up just using the vacuum "space bags" to contain unwashed loads until it was their turn to be washed.

The Sanity

Fortunately, I have learned a few things through this process. Here's my Top 10:

1. How to use my vacuum attachments. ;)
2. There are good reasons to do a deep "spring cleaning" twice a year.
3. If we haven't used it in the past year, get rid of it.
4. Take a moment 1/year to say, Is this room's organization working for us? If not, how could we change it? Through this process, I realized we had a giant wardrobe in our bedroom collecting dust, hard to clean, blocking a walkway, and housing a big ole' TV. We're getting rid of the whole thing and replacing it with one small, mounted flatscreen. There are many other examples of this…I just hadn't really looked at our rooms with fresh eyes in a while.
5. "Organic" fabrics have their downside. As I've been washing, washing, washing, I've developed a soft spot for polyester. And for my washer/dryer which have been running continuously for 2 weeks. They are my heroes.
6. I now love furniture that goes all the way to the floor. Big pieces with feet (i.e. hard to clean under) are my enemy.
7. Check the scent before you buy detergent. I grabbed some Tide at Bed, Bath, & Beyond and only later discovered it was called "Mystic Forest." We may be clean, but we smell like fungi.
8. If you're encasing mattresses for allergens/bugs, use "Protect a Bed" brand, which happens to be recommended by all the professionals. I bought a different brand at Bed, Bath, & Beyond for the same price and wound up allergic to the encasements. Oops.
9. Perhaps most importantly, do not wig out that carpet beetles are going to take over your home. I was panicking when one of my only friends who'd heard of them told me these bugs are ubiquitous. They're everywhere. Stores. The Library. Other homes. Getting completely rid of them is like eliminating ants or spiders. The point is not to obliterate them from the face of the earth. Just to keep them from proliferating inside your house.
10. Which raises my last piece of advice. Forget the taboo about discussing bug infestations. It takes a village. Get professional help. Call a friend. If you're reading this, you probably know me, so call me. We all need each other, even in the fight against our littlest invaders.