Bring Back the Clutter

These days, it's easy to watch HGTV and think there is only one opinion on...

• "Open-concept" floor plans
• Large kitchen islands
• Rustic farm tables
• Benches (or "banquettes")
• White sofas
• Hardwood floors
• Jute rugs
• "Clean lines"

I have only dipped my toe into the world of interior design in the last 5-10 years, learning from talented friends, catalogs, and living in actual houses with my very real family.

Over that time, I have been discovering that a lot of design -- pictures on Houzz, for example -- is created for the aesthetic, not for utility. What looks good on instagram doesn't necessarily "live well." For example...

• "Open-concept" floor plans -- A large central space is nice for gatherings, but taking *all* the walls out of living areas just means all 6 of us would have to hear each other--and see each other's messes--all the time. We love togetherness, but sometimes, you just need to be alone. Or send the kids elsewhere. Somewhere with a door.
• Large kitchen islands -- It's not really fun all sitting down to eat side-by-side. It would work for 1-2, but we have 6. How do you carry on a conversation with 5 other people sitting in a row? I like our island -- it just doesn't replace our kitchen table.
• Rustic farm tables -- Have you ever tried to wipe down a rustic farm table? Or get the food crumbs out of the cracks? Or seen maggots in said cracks? (😝 not my table, just to be clear)
• Benches/banquettes -- These can be a great solution for small dining spaces, but now I'm seeing them everywhere, as in where they are not necessary. Have you ever tried to slide into a banquette? Or sit on a backless bench for a long meal? Or extricate yourself from either one to use the restroom? 
• White sofas -- I think this one is self-explanatory but will add that slip-covers are not the answer if you've ever tried to remove, wash, dry, iron, and re-apply their shriveled, discolored selves.
• Hardwood floors -- They can be lovely, but they do fade, scratch, hurt the heads of wrestling boys or learning-to-walk toddlers, show all the dust/crumbs, and require expensive area rugs and refinishing...so maybe not the be-all-end-all on flooring solutions.
• Jute rugs -- They're scratchy on bare feet and make it nearly impossible to clean up a spill (see also "rustic farm tables").
• Clean lines -- See below.

I'm not trying to make enemies here. We have an example of all of the above in our current home. Instead, I'm trying to point out that groupthink does not equal perfection. We don't all need to decorate like the Property Brothers -- or assume that what's popular is what's best for us.

And really, I'm talking to myself here, because I'm learning this the hard way. In fact, last week, I had an epiphany along these lines.

I have been drinking the de-cluttering Kool-Aid for years, channeling Marie Kondo as I have tried to create clean, simple spaces for our family. Our family of 2, 6, 9, 11 and 40-something-year-olds. #exerciseinfutility

At least 5 encounters have helped me re-evaluated the virtue of clutter-free living:

1. Irish Houses. Seriously, a friend of mine from Ireland mentioned that Irish homes have lots of unapologetic clutter: stacks of books, papers, detritus from unknown years that make them feel cozy, homey. There is no embarrassment about the stuff, no expectation that bookshelves should hold one dish or color-coordinated blue hardcovers rather than the random selection of books these people have read and loved over the years. These are peoples' homes. Not hotels. And they are content to live in them with their stuff.

2. Instagram Renos. A couple pictures caught my eye because they looked beautiful and peaceful. After a few days, I realized they took de-cluttering to a new level. All of the counters and tables were clear except for maybe one healthy-looking potted plant. All the surfaces were white or natural, yet showed none of the smudges or water-marks or fingerprints that would tattoo mine. I suddenly realized that ANY signs life would deposit on these surfaces would stand out like a sore thumb. These places were made for singles or empty-nesters who could keep them spotless.

3. House Beautiful. Somehow I "qualified" for a $2 subscription, and a 20-something friend recommended it. I'm so glad she did. It has been a culture-shock from my Crate & Barrel and RH catalogs, but the continuous stream of full, colorful, eclectic AND beautiful rooms has opened my horizons.

4. The Magnolia Story by Joanna & Chip Gaines. At one point Joanna describes her own epiphany that she was decorating her home as a showcase for her business rather than making it hospitable for her young children. Her parenting was layered with extra stress because her decor was in constant conflict with its inhabitants. She could change this -- she could design the home FOR her children rather than in opposition to them.💡

5. You've Got Mail. Yes, this movie released in 1999. But when it opens in Meg Ryan's Upper West Side apartment, I suddenly realized that it looked cozy, comfortable, and adorable, AND it was full of stuff. The piles and trinkets and blankets cluttering the rooms added to the charm rather than ruining the effect of the design.

6. The Weasley Home. We've been listening to Jim Dale read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets this week. The description of the Dursley's spotless home vs. the Weasley's cluttered home struck me right between the eyes. Even taking magic out of the picture, where would I rather live? Is that even a question?

All of which is making me re-evaluate my design goals for our home. As with everything in life, I'm realizing that expectations make a big difference. If I'm going for the Swedish minimalist look, clutter will drive me bananas. But if I'm going for Cotswold Cottage, it'll add to the ambiance. And since clutter with 6 people (one of whom carries random objects to random spots around the home nonstop) is a non-negotiable, maybe I should be leaning more toward French provincial or cottage eclectic? I can certainly include more color and patterns that provide camouflage for lego spaceships and dollhouses.

These years with all the little people at home are flying by. Yesterday, my boys were 5, 3, and 1. Today they're 5TH GRADE, 3rd grade, and kindergarten. I do NOT want to spend these years wishing they wouldn't play with their toys because it makes such a mess. Or waiting to have people over once everything is shoved in the closets.

Years ago, a mentor mom whose daughter was in college told me her greatest regret was all the time she'd spent nagging and stressing about keeping the house neat and clean. I am so thankful for her honesty, because it gives me a chance to avoid that particular pitfall.

I will teach my kids how to clean up and do chores and not live in a pigsty, but I will also let them play and seize the moment and be creative and relax. And if I can modify our decor in a way that makes this environment more pleasant for all of us, Count Me In.

Got any favorite tips for accomplishing this? Or pet peeves about popular design elements that didn't work for you? I'm all ears!