Cultivating Thankfulness

A veteran counselor once told me that the hardest kind of client to help is the person who was spoiled as a child. A couple weeks ago, someone else shared how she struggled with envy and disappointment because she'd always been given what she wanted. Last week, I finished The Book Thief, which features the "rich" lives of children living in near-poverty. And then yesterday I listened to a radio host who wrote a book about the profound importance of gratitude.

Four of many reminders this Thanksgiving holiday that I do not want our boys to be spoiled. I don't want them expecting the world to bend around them, expecting life to be about their happiness, or expecting good things to come easily. At the same time, I want them to know at every level of their consciousness that they are loved, that they are valuable, they are capable, and that they have a unique purpose to fulfill. Finally, I want them to have grateful hearts that appreciate all they are given. These are not easy goals to combine.

However, living in such a prosperous environment, I find it's easy for me to give Noah a dangerous sense of entitlement. I find myself thinking "He didn't disobey at the mall, so he deserves a reward" or "He loves excavators and doesn't have one so I should get him one" or "Most kids get this so he should too." I do believe there are times when incentives, rewards, and gifts are appropriate, but it's easy to slip into a more compulsive mindset, to lose perspective.

I often hear parents practically apologizing for things that don't deserve an apology. It's OK for a child to wait while the parent takes care of siblings. It's OK for a child to have a small, low-key birthday party. It's OK to serve a child nutritious food they don't like. So why are we apologizing? Habit? Peer expectations? False guilt?

Whatever the cause, I've appreciated the reminders lately that I can show love and grace to my children without giving them what they want. That the less they expect, the more they will appreciate. That character is not built on immediate gratification. And that how I introduce them to the world will greatly influence how my boys respond to it - with bitterness at its unfairness or thankfulness for its beauty.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

A Good Week

I was pretty scared of this past week. With so little sleep and so much illness since Oct -- or Sept (or July), a week on my own with the boys sounded overwhelming. Plenty of family and friends would like to help, but they live hours away or have young kids of their own. So I was especially touched when several different friends reached out to help me last week - babysitting so I could nap or run errands or offering to run my errands. Over the years, I've seen God work through our church community again and again, but never more so than these years with babies. And thank the Lord we got healthy just before Josh left and stayed healthy till the day after he returned. So I was able to enjoy a week not-quite-alone with our precious boys.

A Tough Week

It's hard to even call it that when I think of all the blessings that filled this week: sunny fall weather, colorful leaves, my soar throat clearing up, Josh not out-of-town, church activities, book club, playgroup, and of course my two beautiful boys -- among MANY MANY other things that make me grateful.

Perhaps that's why I feel like this week showed me my own flimsiness. I think I'm stronger than I am. I can handle crises. I can see the bright side. I can go without sleep and still be chipper.

Ah, but that last one bit me in the tail this week. Aaron had a fairly mild cold (runny nose, no fever) - just enough to make him want to nurse every 2 hours round-the-clock but not nap. No one else can feed him since he's so zealous about nursing - not that there was anyone around to help anyway (Josh is working the in-patient wards this month). Which left me at my wit's end Thursday after 3 days without 2 hours of sleep together. I actually went to bed that night at 8:12 in an attempt to regain some sanity.

Several factors are helping me feel hopeful today:
1. Aaron is feeling better and crying less.
2. Josh will be home this afternoon.
3. Going to bed early has helped.
4. On the advice of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, I've started putting Aaron to bed by 7pm and forcing him to nap for an hour 2-3 times/day. Miracle of miracles, it's working!
5. The boppy (in the crib) and swing (beside the crib) are my friends.

Thank God. Though I have a sneaking suspicion He's the one who designed this little breakdown for me in the first place. Self-reliance? Ha. Let's throw a runny nose at that one and see how fast she falls.

Not that I did anything bad, mind you. I just felt stretched to my limit, and not in a good way. Last week, a friend shared how she struggled to deal with her wit's-end moments. All she knew to do was cry out to God for help - literally. I remember thinking I hadn't had one of those moments lately (I have a very short memory), but I'm pretty sure that's not how I had reacted.

So God gave me a fresh opportunity. In the midst of all my blessings, even as I'm enjoying them, I have to realize that nothing else can give me the strength I need. Probably a good thing to learn the day before Josh leaves for a week.

Sweetness

I just spent a few minutes rocking Aaron to sleep. His body leaning against mine, his soft hair brushing my chin, his pudgy hand grasping my shirtsleeve, his breath whispering in more regular puffs. It's a piece of heaven, and makes me SO thankful to be his mother.

He is such a sweet boy. I love all of his expressions: his joy when someone makes eye contact, his desire to be with us, his fascination with his hands (which he frequently and loudly slurps on), his coos and goos and "mommy come get me" moans, his anger when someone tries to place plastic in his mouth (the degradation!), and his pouty lower lip that reveals his momentary disappointment.

Now that he's three months old, I feel like we're out of the woods. His skin has the healthy glow of a baby (vs. the flakiness of a newborn), his immune system is up and running (he's healthier than I am!), his digestive system has finally caught up to his ability to eat (no more colic! woohoo!), he's content to sit in the bouncy seat or on the play-yard for 15-30minutes at a time, he can stay in the nursery at church or the rec, and he's ready for us to kick his sleep training up a notch (or at least I'm ready). AND he's still a cuddly little baby that can fall asleep anywhere, nuzzle my shoulder, and be entertained by a ceiling fan. It's a lovely season.

A season punctuated last week by a special ceremony: Aaron was baptized into our church community, with friends and family all pledging to help us raise him into a godly man. What a blessing, what a responsibility, what an honor. A few pictures from that day...