Cultivating Thankfulness

A veteran counselor once told me that the hardest kind of client to help is the person who was spoiled as a child. A couple weeks ago, someone else shared how she struggled with envy and disappointment because she'd always been given what she wanted. Last week, I finished The Book Thief, which features the "rich" lives of children living in near-poverty. And then yesterday I listened to a radio host who wrote a book about the profound importance of gratitude.

Four of many reminders this Thanksgiving holiday that I do not want our boys to be spoiled. I don't want them expecting the world to bend around them, expecting life to be about their happiness, or expecting good things to come easily. At the same time, I want them to know at every level of their consciousness that they are loved, that they are valuable, they are capable, and that they have a unique purpose to fulfill. Finally, I want them to have grateful hearts that appreciate all they are given. These are not easy goals to combine.

However, living in such a prosperous environment, I find it's easy for me to give Noah a dangerous sense of entitlement. I find myself thinking "He didn't disobey at the mall, so he deserves a reward" or "He loves excavators and doesn't have one so I should get him one" or "Most kids get this so he should too." I do believe there are times when incentives, rewards, and gifts are appropriate, but it's easy to slip into a more compulsive mindset, to lose perspective.

I often hear parents practically apologizing for things that don't deserve an apology. It's OK for a child to wait while the parent takes care of siblings. It's OK for a child to have a small, low-key birthday party. It's OK to serve a child nutritious food they don't like. So why are we apologizing? Habit? Peer expectations? False guilt?

Whatever the cause, I've appreciated the reminders lately that I can show love and grace to my children without giving them what they want. That the less they expect, the more they will appreciate. That character is not built on immediate gratification. And that how I introduce them to the world will greatly influence how my boys respond to it - with bitterness at its unfairness or thankfulness for its beauty.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18