Live Strong

I generally think of myself as strong. Not physically (have you seen me do a push-up? didn't think so), but emotionally.

Mostly through school, I discovered that it felt good to stand up to peer pressure, to remain loyal to that ostracized friend, or to take on a new and scary challenge. Lessons in courage, I suppose.

During my 20s, a few dear friends showed me how essential it is to be someone that is difficult to offend - to be flexible, assume the best of others, and not dwell on the details. Lessons in love.

Good lessons. Ones I've utilized many times.

But not always. Lately, I've been surprised by my own fragility. A harsh word. A scary fall. An unmet expectation. One errant email has the power to create a cloud over my head for far too long.

All reminders that security is easy in peacetime. I can rest on my laurels from past decades when the worst I have to bear is coming from someone who can't yet say his own name. It's the clouds, the red flags, that are adding new urgency to my time with God.

I don't want to become emotionally lazy. I don't want to give any room to bitterness. I don't want my heart weighed down by weakness. But I don't want it to become hard and impenetrable either. So I'm spending some time trying to remember that what I learned before (God is good and I can trust Him) makes what I'm learning this week possible. I can be humble and secure and at peace (i.e. strong) because whatever conflict I'm encountering does not threaten who I am or His purpose for me, it's just an opportunity to become more like Him.

Which means next time I'm under a cloud, I know what I need to do. Pick up my Bible, say a prayer, and replace that fear with gratitude...

God's Message:

"Cursed is the strong one
who depends on mere humans,
Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone
and sets God aside as dead weight.
He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie,
out of touch with the good earth.
He lives rootless and aimless
in a land where nothing grows.

"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.

"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be." - Jeremiah 17:5-10

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." - Ezekiel 36:25-27

"Feel thanks and it's absolutely impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose -- which emotion do we want to feel?" - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Extraordinarily Two



Left & lower right: What in this picture does not belong?
Top right: The culprit.

Yesterday, I cleaned up all the toy trucks. Within 15 minutes, they had been redistributed 2-at-a-time to three particular locations: under the slide, in an empty box next to the trash, and on top of the piano. This is Aaron. Neat. But in an extraordinary way. ;)
He's mischievous and sensitive. Giggling or crying. Musical. Cautious. Social. Opinionated. Loving. Patient and then...well, not. I just can't capture him in a few words, so I'll try it with a few pictures. And then you'll have to come visit for the full effect. This little cuddler has his Daddy and I wrapped up. He'll get you too, if you don't watch out.



What 2-yr-old doesn't love shoes? Seriously.
It's the sequins that really make this special.

 

If he can push it, he's on a roll.
Round and round like there's a track through our house.
Nascar?

Yes, that's the birthday hoho. And the happy birthday boy.

I just had to include this for future blackmail purposes.

Notice the trucks in each hand?
This is no accident. It's perennial.
Or chronic...

Which can make drinking milk slightly more challenging,
but not impossible.

Neither of my boys likes to make a mess; they request napkins at every meal.
But that doesn't mean they're not capable of it...

Aaron LOVES to read.
He'll bring me books all day and climb in my lap
to listen and point out all his favorite subjects.
So far, I'm batting 2-for-2 on the boys-loving-reading front.
Thank the Lord.

 

Excuse me while I climb inside this frosty...
Aaron is always up for food.
And if he likes it, he'll eat a ton.
If not, forget it.
Yes, he's totally two.

 



The Farm

How many hours have we spent sitting in the window-seat, watching deer, wild turkeys, horses, cows, tree-frogs, lightening bugs? How many times have we played scrabble at the kitchen table, sipped coffee on the back porch swing, picked tomatoes in the garden, taken hayrides through the woods, run down Jenkins Road, sipped root-beer floats from frosty mugs, and watched a bushel-full of stars come out?

Josh's grandparents built their log cabin on Deer Trace Farm in Upton, KY with their own hands, and they've always welcomed us to that farm with the same exuberance. Thus, we took a few moments recently to visit the farm, celebrate its beauty, and prepare ourselves for its sale. We are very excited for Gigi and Papa's future and all the fun they will have when they find a new home that doesn't involve chopping trees and marathon grass-cutting sessions. And we thank God their exuberance travels with them. We also thank God for the home they've shared with us this past quarter-century...

MSP in Review

I just realized it would probably be best to recap Noah's past year of preschool and post a few pictures of the Christmas program before we start the new school year...

2010-2011 was Noah's first year at Mustard Seed Preschool. A few highlights:

LOGISTICS: It's <1 mile from our house so I was able to take him in our double stroller (if I really had my act together, ie. just a few times). Plus, the program runs Tues/Thurs 9am-1pm so we still had free days for playdates, the park, storytime, and naptime every day.

TEACHERS: Ms. Dawn & Ms. Samia were so sweet, patient, loving, and enthusiastic. We still run into them in the grocery store and Noah beams afterward.



CURRICULUM: MSP is very well-planned and intentional, from art to Spanish to science, and they work hard to make it fun and engaging. For example: At many preschools, they have "Pajama Day" so kids can wear pj's to school and eat breakfast food at lunch. At Mustard Seed, they have "Hibernation Day" so kids wear pjs, eat breakfast food, have class in a tent with sleeping bags, and discuss all the animals that hibernate. The assesment we received at our parent-teacher conference in April blew me away. (Parent-teacher conferences? for 3-yr-olds? Okey-dokey)

Noah and Aaron both start the new year soon, and we're all excited to see how they grow through it! And this time I will try to post pictures of their school programs less than 6 months after they occur. ;)

5 CGs to GA

"How much longer is my nap?"

"Another 15 minutes."

"Is that as long as a Curious George?"

"It's half a Curious George."

And so it began. Weeks ago, Noah invented a new metric for time. It's catching on everywhere. CGs.

At least in our home, it's far more informative for him than minutes or hours, which I tend to round up or down to the nearest whatever-I-feel-like. No surprise he has given up trying to understand how long "5 more minutes" is...



Gonna go biking? No, silly mommy! See the helmets?
The backpack parachutes? Clearly soldiers in space (or GA).





Curious George, by contrast, is dependable. 30 minutes. Every time. And since he has consistently been the show of choice for Noah's 30min/day of TV this year, CG is very familiar to all of us. He's pretty much a member of the family.

Hence, the occasional shout from the backseat on our way to and from Atlanta last weekend:

"How many more Curious Georges?"

Playmates

Each morning, Aaron wakes first and starts asking for "No? No? No?"
Each afternoon, Noah wakes first and starts asking for Aaron: "He's sleeping SO long! He's going to miss all the playtime!"
It warms my heart. They bug each other, but they love each other. Amazing.

We recently tried letting them spend a night in the same room, and they giggled or guffawed for an hour straight. I should have recorded it.

One of our pastors used to talked about how to be intentional in developing our kids' sibling relationships, and I couldn't agree more. But it's really to N&A's credit that they seem to be starting off on the right foot...


Above top right: Wal-mart sells GREAT boys.
Above bottom right: Supervising installation of our new HVAC.



Middle right: Mom: It's a habitat for small fish, frogs, bugs, or worms!
Noah: Wow! Can I put a cat in it?
Aaron: Meow! Meow!

This Blessed Life

It takes me forever to pick a sympathy card. They have far too many words. Line after line of "comfort" and truth that I can't imagine new grief wants to hear. The pain is too fresh.

Which is why I think God has chosen now--when I'm NOT in the midst of a crisis--to remind me of these critical and comforting truths: God is in control (Job 38-41), He is good (1 John 4:7-21, 1 Cor 13:3-7), and He uses everything for good (Rom 8:28, Eph 1:11).

Our Sunday school discussed "the problem of pain" a couple weeks ago while I was reading through Romans, a letter addressing that very subject. But then just in the last 24 hours, I've read...

A breathtaking chapter (5) in Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts in which she shows how God has taught her to count all moments as blessings from God - not just the ones that feel like gifts:

I have hacked my life up into grace moments and curse moments...cut myself off from the embracing love of a God who 'does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow' (Lam 3:33), but labors to birth grief into greater grace...That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart--and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished symphony of beauty. Can I believe the gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of my life into a song of His Son?
What in the world, in all this world, is grace?
I can say it certain now: All is grace.
God is always good and I am always loved.
[I can] take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty.

(I couldn't find a quote that does her point justice, so I highly recommend the book.)

Then I read Martha Beck in O Magazine:

It's natural to dislike saying goodbye to things we care about. Who wouldn't want to preserve the beauty, the vibrancy, the fun of things they've loved? Of course, these are the very qualities we destroy by refusing to let go...Denying an organic end point is like trying to animate a corpse. The deserts of our lives can be unlivable. But if we stay awhile, something unexpectedly comforting happens. "Every happiness," writes Rilke, "is the child of a separation it did not think it could survive." Conversely, any sorrow can be the parent of a joy we've never imagined.

And then today, I read Jesus' words in The Gospel of John. His close friend Lazarus has died, and Jesus tells Lazarus' sister:

"You don't have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?" (Jn 11:25-26, The Message)

It's one of many times Jesus describes that belief allows us to find life through death. That when we see through His perspective, we see how pain leads to greater joy (Matt 16:24, Phil 1:27, Col 1:24, Jn 12:24-28). That He uses the most perplexing and disturbing events to create the most beauty (i.e. the cross). I love that John also includes the doubters' questions:

"Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died."(Jn 11:32)

"If He loved him so much, why didn't He do something to keep him from dying?" (Jn 11:37)

And Christ's response: He wept. He got angry at their suffering. And then "Jesus looked her in the eye. 'Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?'" (Jn 11:40)

Jesus reminded them through word and deed that while He sympathized with their pain, they did not know the whole story, did not know His full power - yet. But through death (figurative and literal) and pain, they would get to see greater life, greater joy. And not just at the end. Starting now.

Looking around me, I have to remember that I don't know the whole story. Of my life. Of the world. In fact, the repetition of this lesson in my life right now makes me a little nervous about what's around the corner. But more importantly, it reminds me that I'm not a good judge of what is good. That I need to trust the all-good, all-knowing God. And that this life is not about ease and comfort but about the adventure of knowing and growing to be more like Christ. And that is definitely a good thing.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13)

For further reading:
The Gospel of John
Paul's Letter to the Romans

Mr. Eyeballs

Last week, Noah ate a bowl full of cherries all on his own. I watched him spit out the pits and thought, Is there anything this boy can't do?
Well, yes. He's not quite swimming on his own, and he isn't sure who's older, Great-Grandma or Daddy. But that sweet brain of his is growing, and I see the evidence daily...

The Absurdist
Noah is currently of the surrealist school of humor, randomly inserting words (real or imagined) in sentences and finding it hi-larious: "Is he a...plate? Is he a...pow-pow?" His favorite word is "eyeball." 'Nough said? At least mommy has NO problem making a joke. I didn't know I could be so amusing.

The Ref
Asking permission before he acts. Helpfully telling someone else the rules. Framing the world in terms of good guys and bad guys. This guy's definitely my firstborn. If I think too much about the complexity of helping him understand good and evil, right and wrong, creativity and conformity, justice and grace, it makes me quiver. So I try to meet him where he is... Thank you for asking if you could take your water gun to bed! and Let's pretend we're all good guys! I knew he'd at least understood some of my talk about reform when he told me, "I just shot the bad guys because they were never going to become good guys." (Right: Fireman Noah taking on...The Pool!)

The Mad ManWhen Noah gets angry (not very often), he puts on his self-named "mean eyes" and tells me, "We're not going to have a fun day any more. All the fun is cancelled." It's so adorable that it's hard to respond with the gravity he desires. The other day, when I said no book before bed, he responded, "I'm still going to read at night when you're not there. I think stories in my head and tell them to myself so soft that no one can hear me." We're discussing how to handle anger in healthy ways, but I must say his current expressions are pretty darn good.

Daddy's Boy
Noah thrives on Josh's presence. When we're eating, he still migrates to Josh's lap. He's constantly asking Josh to play, and if Josh says yes (which he usually does), Noah will respond with, "Yeah!! What do you want to play, Daddy?" Whatever the answer, it will involve lots of whispers and giggles and probably a fort of pillows. Awesomeness. As with everything, it comes with its own dark side: Daddy cannot be here all the time. But we're working on being thankful for Daddy's job and the fantastic time we get with him (which is lots - just not 24/7).

The Engineer
With Noah, everything's a treasure. He was upset to lose a toy inside our recliner so we turned the chair upside-down to find...a torn corner of cardboard he was using as "my ticket!" Twists, rubberbands, candy wrappers, string - he's all over it. Love the imagination, creativity, fine motor skills, and physics lessons he's teaching me. No wonder he's a Curious George fan!

The Bday Bash

Saturday was the Big* fete for Aaron's 2nd and Noah's 4th birthdays: hot dogs, water balloons, pools, cake, pinata, cousins, presents...
Surrounded by precious family time...

Thanks to all who are helping us raise these sweet boys - and those who helped us celebrate them this weekend. They are well loved, and we are grateful.

*I explained to Noah that we would "celebrate" Saturday but their actual birthdays are different days (when we might just do something little). So now he calls July 28 and August 20 their "little birthdays" (i.e. we had hohos in Aaron's honor on 7/28). I see twinkies in our future.

Over the Hill

We let Noah pick the cake design for his 4th and Aaron's 2nd birthday:

He really wanted the cake "with the mountain on it!"

Needless to say, I asked the bakery to leave off the "Over the Hill" caption...