Parent Getaways? Overnight Sitters

We love to travel, but we don’t always take the kids, because:

1. We need marriage-building time. 
2. They’re not old enough. 
3. It’s too expensive.

Growing up, it felt like my parents took us on every other trip, which was fine with me. Josh and I are trying to take 1-2 trips (sometimes just a weekend) per year without the kids. 

Which means we need overnight sitters. For four children.😳 

When I joined Josh on a business trip to London in June, I employed every trick I knew to make my 7-day absence a success, and it worked pretty well.

This past Friday, I left for a long weekend in NYC. I’d been busy-busy with birthday plans and VBS and whatnot right up until Thursday at 9pm when I started packing. The kids were with Josh(Dad) Fri-Sun and a sitter Sun-Mon. My attention was not focused on that last 28 hours. So I forgot all the things. (😳#2) 

Then, flight delays extended my absence by 16 hours, and all the things became even more important. (😳#3)

Thankfully, it all worked out OK, but not without angst all around. Turns out that after all these years of leaving the kids with sitters overnight, I still need a list. And given the number of questions I get about this, maybe you do too. 

So, as a counterpoint to my post about Traveling with Kids, here’s the list for when we leave our precious little people at home...

Preparing for Overnight Sitters: Top 10 Tips

1. WHO? My best advice is to start with childcare professionals — teachers from your kids’ school, people that work in your church children’s ministry, an off-duty nanny, etc. Grad students can work out well if they have experience with kids. The trick is always finding someone comfortable juggling multiple kids AND available -- bonus points if they already babysit for you. 

In addition, make sure they are comfortable handling meal preparation, routine chores (i.e. dishes), transportation for your kids (driving your car, moving car seats, etc), and agree ahead of time on contingency plans:

• What if one of your kids gets sick? Can they handle it? How serious does it have to be for them to call you? At what point should they expect you to come home early? 
• What if they get sick? Is there someone they could call to help them?
• How long can they stay after your official trip if you’re delayed? Do you have friends/family around the day after who could take over?

Trust me: There’s nothing more helpless than being in another state or country and realizing you have different expectations on these points — or didn’t even think about them. 

2. WHEN? Whenever you can get them! In my experience, the place on the Venn diagram where your options and their availability overlap is teeny tiny, and usually falls on weekends and school breaks (b/c teachers). 

Note, if we're leaving on a 6am flight, I always give them the option to arrive the night before after the kids are in bed (they usually take me up on it so they don't have to arrive at 4am) -- same on the other end if we're set to arrive home late at night, they're welcome to stay over rather than stay up.

3. HOW LONG? In my experience with *my* kids *so far* (who are 2, 6, 9, 11), eight days is the max. By then everyone is starting to melt. I also think that’s as much time as I can cover/prep for. 

But that’s not to say I’d leave them with 1 sitter that long. Everyone gets worn out in someone else’s home, with someone else’s people, so we’ve found 4 days is a comfortable max for someone to stay with our kids. Plus, a fresh face halfway through breaks it up for the kids. That does mean there’s a transition while we’re gone, but it’s worth it. 

4. HOW MUCH? This is variable, obv. The key is of course trying to find that perfect spot -- high enough to make it worth their while, low enough to be worth yours. I usually state it up front in the ask, so they can decide with all the info. And I do a bulk, flat rate, based on about $125-150 per 24-hour period. Three factors influence what we offer:

• The experience level/capability of the sitter
• The ages and numbers of kids and plans they have to juggle
• How much I want to go or need that particular sitter to accept #desperation
• And retroactively (i.e. tip), any wrenches we threw in their experience (illness, delays, extra plans)

5. INSTRUCTIONS? I may leave TMI, but I'd rather it all be available than not. First, I keep a quick-and-dirty schedule for our kids' average day on the fridge for reference (this is always there, not just for trips). I also keep a list there of Katherine's bedtime routine so it's easy to reference. 

For more detail, here are the key points in the too-long document that I email sitters a few days before we leave and print out for them to have on the kitchen counter:

• Schedule: Hour-by-hour table with the kids' schedule for each day (much of which is the same but not all), including any folks that will be coming by the house (mower, cleaner, packages -- I've forgotten these before and given the sitter a good scare). I used to plan a lot to keep the kids busy, but it made my prep and the sitter's life rough. Now I try to clear the schedule and just offer optional outings. (One of the many things I neglected last weekend.)
• Codes: WiFi, gate or garage entry, alarm system, screen/ipad/netflix access, etc.
• House Rules: i.e. "Wake the baby; clean the playroom. Food stays in the kitchen. No hits above the neck. Timeout for disrespect." Just don't make these any more strict than you actually are. I've made that mistake before and nearly incited a rebellion. Also, give the babysitter a chance to spoil the kids a little -- everyone will enjoy themselves more, your kids will not confuse their rules with yours, and your kids will be more open to you leaving next time. ;)
• Food: Ideas for what the kids are used to eating at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack. Rules about soda, desserts, etc. 
• Sleep: Bedtime routines. What to do if a child wakes in the night.
• Health: Any prescriptions, ongoing medical issues, preferred hospital/doctors, allergies, DOBs, and insurance. 
• Hygiene: Bathing, clothing, screen time routines.
• Contacts: Neighbors, family, close friends they can ask for help.
• Our Itinerary: flights, hotels, cell #s, etc.

6. FOOD? Here's a hard-won lesson: Perishables and leftovers will not get used. It surprises me every time, but someone else just doesn't know your fridge/kitchen like you do, so they won't finish those blueberries, that tupperware of spaghetti, or the package of lunchmeat -- even if you ask them to use it first. We've had a wide variety of sitters, and this has always been true, even if it's a food the kids love.

Instead, make sure your fridge or pantry has the bare necessities for PB&J, cheese toast, hot dogs, and breakfast cereal. Otherwise, I try to leave a freezer full of easy-to-heat options like frozen pizzas, hamburgers, fish sticks, corn dogs, breakfast sandwiches, and other kid-friendly, heavily-processed foods.

7. EXPENSES? I usually leave at least $100 in cash for incidental expenses that might arise while we're gone, including fast food, gas, etc. If you're on-the-ball, I'd recommend leaving it in an envelope on the counter with the instructions and asking them to put the receipts in the same envelope. I know this can sound anal, but it's always a little disconcerting to come home and find a few pennies left and no explanation of where it all went. If Josh has to turn in all his business receipts, I don't think it's too much to ask.

8. COMMUNICATION? If Josh and I are both gonna be gone more than a couple days, I like to leave a couple cards (with the printout schedule) from us for them to open around days 3 and 5. I also try to text pics of things we're seeing that remind me of the kids to the sitter (to show the kids). And if possible, we might FaceTime when the 2-yr-old is asleep (so we don't remind her of our existence). If you're a sitter reading this, I LOVE getting pics of or hearing quotes from my kids. Anytime.

9. RE-ENTRY? No one knows your house like you do. I never walk from one room to the other without taking something to put away. But I don't do this at other peoples' houses, and most sitters don't either. Mine usually make a much-appreciated effort to clean up, do the dishes, and have the kids put toys away. But don't be surprised if you get home and the house looks a little disheveled. It missed you. That's normal, and it's not a reflection of how well your babysitter cared for your kiddos. Also, bring small gifts for everyone at home.

10. STAY THE COURSE! You will hit a point -- especially if this is new to you -- when it feels like this trip could not possibly be worth all the preparation involved. When you planned it, you had amnesia. How could you have thought you could leave your people for a week?? But then you will get on that plane and spend a week pretending you're 25 again without a care in the world. And on your return, you will start brainstorming where you will go next. And amazingly, your kids will be just fine. #bonvoyage