I'm not a helicopter parent. Oh, I have my moments, and not that anyone probably thinks they are, but at least I feel like my tendency is to err on the other end of the continuum. This is probably why I love Jen Hatmaker and Tim Kimmel's variety of parenting - let them encounter struggles and coach them through so they feel strong and capable afterward.
But before I get on my soapbox, this post is actually about facing the fact that sometimes, laissez faire breaks down. Sometimes I need to be more involved than is my bent. Sometimes, our kids need a helicopter. Much as it kills me to say that. And the fact is, as much as I love my boys, that doesn't mean I always want to do the things that are good for them. It's easier to tell myself they don't really need those things.
A couple weeks ago, two different friends I love and respect who are veteran educators separately invited me for coffee in order to discuss our complicated situation with my son's education. They invited me. (backwards, I know) They fed me. They reviewed my giant file folder. They asked tons of questions. And in the end, and with more words and delicious food and gentleness, they came to the same bottom line: This is going to be hard, and You're gonna have to do more.
The fact is, he has special needs, so the regular program is not designed to work for him. I cannot sit back and let the professionals do their thing without understanding what they're doing, how my son is responding, where we stand, and what we should expect. I am the best advocate for him, and he needs me to be that on a weekly basis. No matter where he attends school. I've had more than one person tell me, "At times it will feel like a full-time job."
Can I just say? That scares the bejesus out of me. I don't inherently understand the terminology used in his IEP. It's uncomfortable asking his therapists and teachers for explanations and evidence. I'm the parent who does a little dance when articles say not to help your kids with homework. And now I have years of painstaking homework and monthly parent-teacher conferences and therapy sessions where I have to stay and watch and understand rather than just drop him off?
Even as I type that, it sounds so ugly. All along, I've known deep down what I've been really clinging to: mine. My time, my energy, my ease. All my selfishness has been laid bare. I want to do what I enjoy, what I'm good at, and I don't like having to give that up for something difficult. I sound like a toddler.
But what I've been realizing in the weeks since then, is that this is parenting. So far, it has been relatively "easy" because I've mostly wanted to do what my kids needed me to do. But that's not really selflessness. That's just my selfishness and their needs aligning.
And actually, I think every parent hits this wall at some point -- I've just now started noticing. The testimony from a friend about the dietary gymnastics she's having to perform for her kids (who have medical issues). Another woman's willingness to drive across town for athletic practices because her son has a phenomenal passion/talent she never expected. A neighbor's years-long commitment to taking care of her elderly parents with Alzheimer's. It's one thing to see people showing boundless love and think, How sweet. It's another to realize the choices they have made to be that person -- the things they have sacrificed or embraced to show that love.
My "sacrifice" is actually very manageable. Not when I look at 18 years all at once. But last week. And this week. Even next week. I've been talking to the teachers, visiting the school, meeting with the therapists, studying the reports and files, reading online, creating a few baby steps toward making our home more supportive, attending a few education seminars, and setting up therapy sessions for this summer.
And you know what? It hasn't been that bad. I'm kind-of excited about my new-found knowledge. The rubber won't fully hit the road till next fall, but in the meantime, I'm reminded that Nineveh tends to look a lot worse than it is. My steady resistance to changing our "normal" life was just stupid. If I'd been a movie character, I would've been so frustrated with me.
But it's not like now I'm done; I've suddenly become selfless and it's so great. In fact, now that I'm more aware of my selfishness, I see it popping up everywhere. My decisions not to play with the boys because I don't love hot wheels and sword fighting. Choosing sports leagues that require the least commitment because I don't want to drive around on weeknights. My resistance to cutting lactose from my son's diet because it's easier to prep food without restrictions. Sometimes, these things are good for our family (my kids need free play, they don't need intense sports yet, and it's better for him if he can drink lactose) BUT let's be honest: sometimes I don't do them because I just don't want to. I still want life to be easy and fit into my expectations.
Which is not to say our entire home needs to revolve around the boys. Or that I'm taking over their education. Or that I'm giving up all my own extracurriculars -- more that I'm recognizing a shift in where that balance is found right now for me. Their needs are changing, and that means I need to adjust with them.
And I guess what I'm really trying to say is that those adjustments aren't easy just because I love my boys. As parents, sometimes I think we just need to hear that. To know that. It helps when I look at my boys or think about their preciousness. I am in love with each of them, and that definitely makes it all worthwhile. But being a good parent to them still requires effort and conscious choices and sacrifices.
Right now, it requires me to lean in. I'm a big Sheryl Sandberg fan, and with her husband's sudden death in the news lately, her book and campaign have been on my mind. People are often surprised that I--a stay-at-home mom--am a fan. But it's because she encourages women to "lean in" to their callings and passions and pursuits rather than holding back out of fear or insecurity. This week, I've been realizing that it's time for me to lean in a little more to motherhood. And while becoming an expert in special education would not have been my first choice, it is my best choice right now, and that is all that really matters.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
How We Do Disney
The first time we went to WDW, I was stressed out. Then
“someone” made a return to WDW his single request upon receiving tenure. SOOOO
back we went. But this time, we made much better choices and I fell in love
(with WDW, and with “someone” again ;)). In hopes of saving you from learning
the hard way, here are some things we have found helpful.
First, here are my posts with tips from past trips:
Disney Debrief (May 2010)
And the things that jumped out at me this time in the order we needed them…
When – Do yourself a favor and go during off-peak times. It’s the one real advantage you have over all those folks with school-age kids. And with limited time between naps, you don’t want to spend it in line. You'll also save money on the hotel.
Where – We splurge to stay on-property to minimize transit time and maximize the magic (corny, true). My priorities are: 1. Access to theme parks by walking or monorail (vs. bus or car) because they are much faster and easier with a stroller and when you need to go back to the room during the day. 2. One-bedroom so we actually sleep and not all starting at 7pm, and 3. Kitchen facilities (and best-case a washer/dryer). Thus our favorites are villas next to parks (i.e. Bay Lake and Boardwalk). The 1-bedrooms come standard with a full kitchen, pack-n-play, highchair, access to toilet from every room (without walking through bedroom) and even a nightlight. We save by only staying there on the nights we can make the most of it (i.e. this time we stayed at an airport hotel the night we arrived at 10pm and the night before we left on a 7am flight).
How Long – WDW is really designed for a week-long visit. The 4th day is $10 more and the 5th and 6th days were free with our resort package. Plus the park-hopper feature is a flat rate (an easy choice amortized over 6 days). Most notably, if you have plenty of time to explore, you won't run yourself ragged. You can take naps, pool breaks, revisit parks, go on a date, and relax a little! I promise if you try to squeeze it all in a couple days, you'll likely feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, exhausted, and price-gouged.
Your Homework – As soon as you book your resort, make reservations for dinners, character meals, and fastpasses (all through the Disney app) to avoid long lines. For the most popular events, reserve 180 days before your arrival.
Their Homework – This is so simple and FUN, and we’ve found it makes a big
difference. We spend the couple months before our trip watching/reading through
the classic Disney stories, just to make sure we can all catch the hints
of story infused throughout the gardens, decor, rides, etc. A plant-sculpted
Belle means a lot more to a kid if he’s seen the movie. And Tony's Town Square
Italian restaurant is a joy IF you've read Lady and the Tramp. One
reason my boys love all the attractions is because they already know and love
their contexts.
Ok, a final few specifics:
Date Night – We used www.kidsniteout.com for the first time
this trip, and it was LOVELY. EXPENSIVE ($25/hr for 3 kids) but so worthwhile.
If you have room in your budget for a big splurge, or you can give this to each
other for your anniversary (hint hint), go for it. Our sitter was a perky
20-something who brought puzzles and toys and fed the boys and put them to bed
and texted me with updates. Meanwhile, we cruised the World Showcase and
Boardwalk like newlyweds.
Phone Backup Charger – This time we depended
entirely on the Disney iphone app (vs. books) while we were in WDW, using it to
check park hours, ride wait times, change fastpasses, add plans, adjust dining,
etc. We had it or our cameras open so much that they drained our phone
batteries by late afternoon. Thankfully, we had a back-up wireless charger with
us that carried us both through the rest of each day. We also switched to
“Airplane Mode” when we weren’t using them. AND since women’s clothes never
have pockets, I kept mine in my armband that protected it during fast/wet
rides.
Celebration Buttons – If you’re visiting WDW over a
personal holiday (birthday, anniversary, mothers’ day – or all 3 like us this
time), they give you a button to wear on your special day. WEAR IT. It is
cheesy and contrived, but when you wear the button, every employee you
encounter will comment on it: “Are they treating you well this Mothers’ Day!”
“Have a happy Birthday, Joshua!” “Happy Anniversary! How many years?” Housekeeping.
The stroller attendant. The fast food server. It is remarkable. And when you
hear that all day long, it starts to feel like a really. special. day.
Sorcerer’s Scavenger Hunt – The Magic Kingdom has a
new-to-us program that allows kids to seek-and-find special points of interest
throughout the park. It was perfect for our almost-8-yr-old who loves Pokemon
cards and is not big on character meet-and-greets. You sign up next to City
Hall near the entrance to the MK.
Car – We had a car this time because we were transferring between non-Disney hotels, but that’s about the only time we used it. The Boardwalk has a general store that sells basic groceries, so we used that to buy bread, milk, eggs, cereal, etc. The Contemporary had that too. (I’m not sure about other resorts.) And it was faster to walk or monorail to the parks than drive. Driving our car or taking the bus to MK were each > 45min door-to-door.
Boardwalk – We LOVED it. We could walk to Epcot’s World Showcase (5min)
and walk to Hollywood Studios (12min) or take the monorail from Epcot to MK. We
also loved the stores, restaurants, and entertainers along the Boardwalk
itself. We had a newly-renovated villa (same layout as pre-reno). Isaac stayed
in the bedroom closet, Noah and Aaron in the bedroom, and Josh and I on the
pullout in the family room. We had a full kitchen so I made eggs, etc in the
mornings, packed lunches, and stored leftovers there. I also did laundry most
days because we were so sunscreened and sweaty. We still love Bay Lake if you
can get it for less than a mint, but if Boardwalk stays cheaper, I’d stay there
again in a heartbeat. Maybe by renting from the DVC.
Attire - This trip was the first time I deliberately bought clothes, hats, and sunglasses for our trip. I wanted hats/sunglasses that my unreasonable children would actually wear all week (and all summer, for that matter), and I thought it would be easier to stay together and find each other in crowds if we wore similar shirts (got them for $2-6/each at Walmart and Kohls). The hats/sunglasses did help save us from the FL sun (without the usual parent-child negotiations) and the shirts also inspired some extra excitement and bonding. NEITHER is necessary if you're already overwhelmed, but they were a fun/useful addition this time.
I'll add tips here if I think of them later. In the meantime, on to the fun stuff! Pics coming soon...
Disney Debrief (May 2010)
Denny Disney Adventure of 2013 (Jan 2013)
Back to Disney, Day 1 (Jan 2014)
And the things that jumped out at me this time in the order we needed them…
When – Do yourself a favor and go during off-peak times. It’s the one real advantage you have over all those folks with school-age kids. And with limited time between naps, you don’t want to spend it in line. You'll also save money on the hotel.
Where – We splurge to stay on-property to minimize transit time and maximize the magic (corny, true). My priorities are: 1. Access to theme parks by walking or monorail (vs. bus or car) because they are much faster and easier with a stroller and when you need to go back to the room during the day. 2. One-bedroom so we actually sleep and not all starting at 7pm, and 3. Kitchen facilities (and best-case a washer/dryer). Thus our favorites are villas next to parks (i.e. Bay Lake and Boardwalk). The 1-bedrooms come standard with a full kitchen, pack-n-play, highchair, access to toilet from every room (without walking through bedroom) and even a nightlight. We save by only staying there on the nights we can make the most of it (i.e. this time we stayed at an airport hotel the night we arrived at 10pm and the night before we left on a 7am flight).
How Long – WDW is really designed for a week-long visit. The 4th day is $10 more and the 5th and 6th days were free with our resort package. Plus the park-hopper feature is a flat rate (an easy choice amortized over 6 days). Most notably, if you have plenty of time to explore, you won't run yourself ragged. You can take naps, pool breaks, revisit parks, go on a date, and relax a little! I promise if you try to squeeze it all in a couple days, you'll likely feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, exhausted, and price-gouged.
Your Homework – As soon as you book your resort, make reservations for dinners, character meals, and fastpasses (all through the Disney app) to avoid long lines. For the most popular events, reserve 180 days before your arrival.
 |
| Tony's Town Square - our favorite restaurant in the Magic Kingdom |
Ok, a final few specifics:
 |
| Us in "France" + Them in our hotel room = A Night Off. Once I got over the sticker shock and spent the evening kid-free in Epcot, I became a believer. #happy anniversary #16years www.kidsniteout.com |
 |
| To be with this man at his happiest place on earth, on his birthday, and to know the kid inside him. This is goodness. Even with the blowout (not his). |
Car – We had a car this time because we were transferring between non-Disney hotels, but that’s about the only time we used it. The Boardwalk has a general store that sells basic groceries, so we used that to buy bread, milk, eggs, cereal, etc. The Contemporary had that too. (I’m not sure about other resorts.) And it was faster to walk or monorail to the parks than drive. Driving our car or taking the bus to MK were each > 45min door-to-door.
 |
| Our 1-bedroom villa with full kitchen, separated bathroom (shower/sink/toilet in one, bath/sink in other), king bed, queen bed, pack-n-play, high chair, balcony, and night light. I've heard the studios don't have the washer/dryer or stove/oven. |
I'll add tips here if I think of them later. In the meantime, on to the fun stuff! Pics coming soon...
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Why We Do Disney
Hot buttons. You know, the subjects that bring out
the passionate opinions in all of us? The amoral topics for which we have
stronger convictions than we do about actual morality? Food. Social media.
Parenting. Disney.
Yes. Disney – and specifically Walt Disney World
(WDW).
In my experience, there are 2 common responses to
any mention of visiting WDW with young children:
1) encouragement and bonding from those who've done
it or want to or plan to, OR
2) mild scorn from those who think you're crazy or
over-indulgent to even consider it.
Since I’ve gradually been dragged from camp #2 to
camp #1 by my loving partner-in-crime, I’ve decided to explain a few of the
reasons I've consented to tackle this particular beast multiple times...and
secretly learned to love it.
But first, I think it needs to be said that I do
NOT believe everyone has to visit WDW or that your children will be deprived if
they never go. Mine will never do many
amazing things, and I’m not worried. My goal here is to encourage those contemplating
a visit (camp #1) and help those in camp #2 understand the freaks-like-me in
camp #1 a little better (or if that freak is your partner...ahem…).
Reasons I Love Taking My Youngins to WDW
1. It IS magical for
young kids. They don't think it's corny or fake or overpriced - they think it's miraculous. Where a
young child's age can be a liability on any other kind of vacation, it is an
asset here.
2. Every activity tells a
story using art, music, characters, etc. No ride is just a thrill or
just an educational objective - it conveys the thrill or lesson as part of a
bigger narrative. It's not just an aquarium, it's "The Seas with Nemo
& Friends." It's not just a log flume, it's Brier Rabbit's Splash
Mountain. It's not just a tree-house, it's Swiss Family Robinson's. Here, the
world is a tapestry of contexts and characters and stories. Which is true in
the real world, but a lot less obvious.
4. There is entertainment for every early childhood developmental stage all over the place. If you have multiple kids, you have multiple stages in your family. That actually works here. For 0-3yr olds, the parks are littered with street performers and outdoor shows and character statues and character meet-and-greets and parades to keep even the youngest set entertained. I spent a lot of time with my sensitive 2-yr-old this visit while Josh took the 44" and 48" boys on every ride (not a sacrifice for me - I'm no fan of fast rides either). Isaac could handle some rides, but WDW is also the king of serendipity. Just today we happened on a butterfly house, Beauty and the Beast sculpted from plants, a magician, and an impromptu dance lesson. Then we got creme brûlée from France and walked home for naptime.
5. The facilities are designed around children and their parents. For example, the pools at Disney resorts have giant statues of Disney characters, slides, toddler life-vests, and numerous lifeguards. There is a baby care center in each park for nursing or buying diapers, diaper-changing stations in every restroom, and water fountains all over. Even viewing windows for animals/fish/etc are just off the ground or above a bench so really short people can see. You can roll a stroller everywhere (including the monorail or boats) or they provide an attended stroller lot if you can't (except the buses, which I studiously avoid). And all the table service restaurants are kid-friendly (loud/busy enough to cover your kids’ antics, coloring menus, kids’ meals including drink+entrée+sides = $6.50).
6. As adults, we love it too. I honestly can't tell how much of this is because we grew up coming, because we know and love so many Disney stories, or because we aren't big camping/beach people (and those seem to be the major alternatives). But I can say we spent a week at WDW around our 1st anniversary, and it was awesome. Now, we love it for all of those reasons PLUS the real kicker: watching our kids’ wonder and happiness as they discover each attraction. I mean, just look at that face...and his, too! ;)
Common
Objections
I know these well because I’m pretty sure I’ve uttered each of them at
some point. Here’s how I’ve come to think about them now…
1. They
won’t remember it.
I remember very little of my childhood – including
international trips when I was a teenager – but research and common sense
continues to prove that all of our experiences shape who we are, no matter our
age. Besides, Josh and I remember our trips with our kids, and we have no
problem admitting that we go as much for our joy in taking them as for their
joy in being there. Which brings up the next one…
2. Wouldn’t
they be just as happy with ____[something smaller].
Maybe. But Josh and I would not. We can tell the
difference between WDW and anything else. And I’m pretty sure they can too. They
also refer to and ask for WDW far more than anything else we’ve ever done. Which
is not to say everyone has to do it! Just that it’s not interchangeable with
any other outing. I also do not find that it diminishes their ability to enjoy
other/smaller things. My kids seem to recognize that WDW is a WHOLE OTHER THING.
They still love spending the night in any hotel or seeing a show at the local
library.
3. It’s too
expensive.
It is expensive. No doubt. Any vacation for a
family of 5 that does not involve a tent or grandparents is not gonna be cheap.
But it can also be tailored to your budget. We’ve figured out where to save and
where to splurge for our family – those preferences are probably different for
everyone. Perhaps the biggest blessing/curse of planning a trip to WDW is that
there are SO MANY CHOICES a.k.a. ways to personalize it for you.
4. I want to
relax on my vacation!
You can choose to do WDW
in 2 days and run yourself ragged, but WDW doesn’t recommend that and neither
do I. Still, if you just need R&R to recover from a stressful season, I’d
recommend something kid-free (“Grandma!”). I’m not sure I’ve heard of a
completely relaxing trip that involved small children.
Okay, so now that we’ve covered the "Why" we can get
to the "How"! Tomorrow.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Books for Little Boys
As a committed book worm, I get lots of requests for book recommendations for little boys. And really, I love that question. But rather than re-invent the wheel each time, I realized it might be helpful to post a few lists.
With caveats:
1) I have all boys. These lists may work for girls, too. I can tell you *I* enjoyed them, but I give no guarantees.
2) My oldest is 7.5yrs and has a remarkable attention span and reading comprehension level. I did NOTHING to make this happen. He's always been this way. But it means my impressions of "age-appropriate" may be skewed. I can only tell you from my experience.
3) My second is 5.5yrs and LOVES stories and so even though he struggles in other areas, narrative is one of his greatest passions and strengths.
4) My third is all about Sandra Boynton, so I really only have a sample of 2 at the moment.
5) THIS IS NOT A TO-DO LIST! All you guilt-ridden mamas out there can relax. Your kids do NOT have to read these books to be awesome. Ever. This is not a checklist. It is only meant to be helpful if you're looking for ideas.
6) My boys haven't read these themselves - we've read to them (or played the audio), usually before bed or in the car, and partially because I'd far rather read with them than play cars, legos, ninjas, or football.
I'll list each group in order of the age my boys started liking them... (i.e. youngest to oldest)
Favorite Picture Books
Mostly from Dolly Parton's phenomenal Imagination Library...
Any Sandra Boynton
Any Dr. Seuss
Noah's Crew Came 2 by 2 by MacDonald
Slide-and-Find Trucks by Priddy
Thomas the Tank Engine's Hidden Surprises by Yee
Firefighters to the Rescue by Hamilton
Taking Care of Mama by Modarressi
My Little Train by Ichikawa
Read to Tiger by Fore
Roar of a Snore by Arnold
Toot & Puddle series by Hobby
My Lucky Day by Kasza
The Spiffiest Giant in Town by Donaldson
May I See the King by Daubenspeck
Pretend by Plecas
The Tale of Pip & Squeak by Duke
If I Built a Car (or House) by Van Dusen
Let's Do Nothing! by Fucile
A Year in a Castle by Coombs
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Silverstein
Amelia Bedelia by Parish
The Book With No Pictures by Novak
Betty Bunny by Kaplan
Dino-Football by Wheeler
Pirate Diary: The Journal of Jake Carpenter by Platt
Any Lego Encyclopedias (sigh)
Favorite Chapter Books
We started these when my oldest was getting bored with picture books. My favorites series of junior classics is by Dalmatian Press and sometimes $1/book at Target (I'll put an * by these).
Charlotte's Web by White
Stuart Little by White
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by DiCamillo
The Jungle Book by Kipling*
Treasure Island by Stevenson*
Pinocchio by Collodi*
Doctor Dolittle by Lofting*
101 Dalmatians by Smith
Pippi Longstocking by Lindgren
The Trumpet of the Swan by White
Black Beauty by Davage*
Fantastic Mr. Fox by Dahl
The Tale of Despereaux by DiCamillo
Anne of Green Gables by Montgomery
The Prince and Pauper by Twain
Farmer Boy by Wilder
Hardy Boys by Dixon
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl
Guinness Book of World Records
The Secret Garden by Burnett*
Nancy Drew by Keen (I was surprised to find these trend a little older than Hardy Boys)
Moby Dick by Melville*
White Fang by London*
Call of the Wild by London*
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Verne*
Oliver Twist*
Mary Poppins by Travers
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
The Hobbit by Tolkein
Favorite Audio Books
I'm a die-hard audiobook fan because I can "read" while doing housework or driving and I can "read" to the boys when I've lost my voice. I have passed this on to my boys whether they liked it or not. ;) We have many CDs that we play in the car or on a CD-player in the boys' bedroom, or I stream audiobooks from my phone (via our library) to a bluetooth speaker in my kitchen or my car.
Frog & Toad by Lobel
Dr. Seuss Collection (read by Dustin Hoffman, Kelsey Grammar, Billy Crystal, etc)
Curious George by Rey
The Wind in the Willows by Grahame
Frances by Hoban
Paddington by Bond
Henry Huggins by Cleary (read by Neil Patrick Harris)
Ralph S. Mouse by Cleary
Magic Treehouse by Osborne
Pippi Longstocking by Londgren
Ballpark Mysteries by Kelly
Knights' Tales by Morris
Chronicles of Narnia (starting with L,W,&W) by Lewis
Never Finished
These are a few I've tried that "didn't take" for whatever reason. Some we may revisit later. There are many more that I didn't bother to record.
Tom Sawyer by Twain
Peter Pan by Barrie
Matilda by Dahl
Junie B. Jones by Park
Acknowledgements: I need to give credit to my sister-in-law whose boys are 8 and 10yrs old and who consistently posts their book reviews on Goodreads.com. This has been and will continue to be a goldmine for me. It's also where I keep track of what we've read - and how I was able to create these lists. I do not have this good a memory!
That said, suggestions? Recommendations? What should we put on our To-Read list?
With caveats:
1) I have all boys. These lists may work for girls, too. I can tell you *I* enjoyed them, but I give no guarantees.
2) My oldest is 7.5yrs and has a remarkable attention span and reading comprehension level. I did NOTHING to make this happen. He's always been this way. But it means my impressions of "age-appropriate" may be skewed. I can only tell you from my experience.
3) My second is 5.5yrs and LOVES stories and so even though he struggles in other areas, narrative is one of his greatest passions and strengths.
4) My third is all about Sandra Boynton, so I really only have a sample of 2 at the moment.
5) THIS IS NOT A TO-DO LIST! All you guilt-ridden mamas out there can relax. Your kids do NOT have to read these books to be awesome. Ever. This is not a checklist. It is only meant to be helpful if you're looking for ideas.
6) My boys haven't read these themselves - we've read to them (or played the audio), usually before bed or in the car, and partially because I'd far rather read with them than play cars, legos, ninjas, or football.
I'll list each group in order of the age my boys started liking them... (i.e. youngest to oldest)
Favorite Picture Books
Mostly from Dolly Parton's phenomenal Imagination Library...
Any Sandra Boynton
Any Dr. Seuss
Noah's Crew Came 2 by 2 by MacDonald
Slide-and-Find Trucks by Priddy
Thomas the Tank Engine's Hidden Surprises by Yee
Firefighters to the Rescue by Hamilton
Taking Care of Mama by Modarressi
My Little Train by Ichikawa
Read to Tiger by Fore
Roar of a Snore by Arnold
Toot & Puddle series by Hobby
My Lucky Day by Kasza
The Spiffiest Giant in Town by Donaldson
May I See the King by Daubenspeck
Pretend by Plecas
The Tale of Pip & Squeak by Duke
If I Built a Car (or House) by Van Dusen
Let's Do Nothing! by Fucile
A Year in a Castle by Coombs
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Silverstein
Amelia Bedelia by Parish
The Book With No Pictures by Novak
Betty Bunny by Kaplan
Dino-Football by Wheeler
Pirate Diary: The Journal of Jake Carpenter by Platt
Any Lego Encyclopedias (sigh)
Favorite Chapter Books
We started these when my oldest was getting bored with picture books. My favorites series of junior classics is by Dalmatian Press and sometimes $1/book at Target (I'll put an * by these).
Charlotte's Web by White
Stuart Little by White
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by DiCamillo
The Jungle Book by Kipling*
Treasure Island by Stevenson*
Pinocchio by Collodi*
Doctor Dolittle by Lofting*
101 Dalmatians by Smith
Pippi Longstocking by Lindgren
The Trumpet of the Swan by White
Black Beauty by Davage*
Fantastic Mr. Fox by Dahl
The Tale of Despereaux by DiCamillo
Anne of Green Gables by Montgomery
The Prince and Pauper by Twain
Farmer Boy by Wilder
Hardy Boys by Dixon
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl
Guinness Book of World Records
The Secret Garden by Burnett*
Nancy Drew by Keen (I was surprised to find these trend a little older than Hardy Boys)
Moby Dick by Melville*
White Fang by London*
Call of the Wild by London*
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Verne*
Oliver Twist*
Mary Poppins by Travers
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
The Hobbit by Tolkein
Favorite Audio Books
I'm a die-hard audiobook fan because I can "read" while doing housework or driving and I can "read" to the boys when I've lost my voice. I have passed this on to my boys whether they liked it or not. ;) We have many CDs that we play in the car or on a CD-player in the boys' bedroom, or I stream audiobooks from my phone (via our library) to a bluetooth speaker in my kitchen or my car.
Frog & Toad by Lobel
Dr. Seuss Collection (read by Dustin Hoffman, Kelsey Grammar, Billy Crystal, etc)
Curious George by Rey
The Wind in the Willows by Grahame
Frances by Hoban
Paddington by Bond
Henry Huggins by Cleary (read by Neil Patrick Harris)
Ralph S. Mouse by Cleary
Magic Treehouse by Osborne
Pippi Longstocking by Londgren
Ballpark Mysteries by Kelly
Knights' Tales by Morris
Chronicles of Narnia (starting with L,W,&W) by Lewis
Never Finished
These are a few I've tried that "didn't take" for whatever reason. Some we may revisit later. There are many more that I didn't bother to record.
Tom Sawyer by Twain
Peter Pan by Barrie
Matilda by Dahl
Junie B. Jones by Park
Acknowledgements: I need to give credit to my sister-in-law whose boys are 8 and 10yrs old and who consistently posts their book reviews on Goodreads.com. This has been and will continue to be a goldmine for me. It's also where I keep track of what we've read - and how I was able to create these lists. I do not have this good a memory!
That said, suggestions? Recommendations? What should we put on our To-Read list?
Friday, March 27, 2015
Fighting the Fog
For the last few years, Josh and I have been navigating what feels like a really foggy road. Parenthood alone is pretty foggy, especially with the first child. What comes next? What should we expect? How should we prepare? react?
Still, when you're driving down the highway in the center lane, it's not too bad. You're surrounded by other cars and there are street lights and you basically just follow the dotted lines and the taillights in front of you. Besides, every map in the world shows the highway. If you get confused, just ask Siri. If you're stumped on a parenting issue, just ask the gazillion other parents, books, blogs, teachers, etc that have raised or taught a normal kid. It feels fraught with danger, but the stats are in your favor.
Then a few years ago, Josh and I started to wonder if we were still in the center lane with one of our kids. We'd encountered some potholes early on - meningitis at 3 weeks, torticollis the first year - but thanks to modern medicine, they seemed resolved by the time he turned two. That's when other red flags started to appear - not talking because he couldn't be understood, not being able to answer common questions. It was SO hard to tell what we should expect, when to raise the alarm. At 2.5, we asked his preschool teachers and were surprised to learn they had concerns, too. We called Tennessee Early Intervention Services for an evaluation. He qualified enough to win the label "developmental delay" and free therapy from the state.
Still, speech therapy is common enough. You help them learn how to talk, and suddenly they start to become an open book. Conversation feeds the cognitive - and everything else. And we did see incredible advancement. Maybe we were still middle-of-the-road; He was just a late bloomer.
Besides, HE IS SO SCRUMPTIOUSLY ADORABLE. SO lovable. So charming. (Except when he's not.) He's smart. He's capable. He's hilarious. He brings joy to our family. And not just to our family - to our community. The impish smiles. The playful habits. The excitement over everything.
For a while, it's really hard to tell you're off the highway. Sometimes I still feel like I've imagined it, like maybe I've made too much of his quirks, or gathered his weaknesses into a list that would make any normal child appear worse off than he is. What if we hadn't done anything different? Would he have risen to meet our expectations? It's almost like my wishful thinking haunts me.
But it's not based in fact. The screening tests, the school district evaluations, the doctors, the therapists, the teachers. They're not spinning the facts or trumping up the data. We are on a different road, and no one knows where it is on the map or what it's called. And it just feels SO foggy.
How can I possibly know which doctors we should be seeing? The pediatrician sent us to the developmental pediatrician who sent me back to the schools (because they do the tests for free) and made an appointment with pediatric neurology. I walked into the neurologists' office confused about what they do and why we were there, only to have her look at me with the same questions. We've seen a pediatric geneticist who measured the width between his teeth and thickness of his fingernails. And that's not to mention the various trips to the ped ENTs last year. And in every case, they've turned to me at some point and said, What do you think? What do you want to do? AS IF I HAVE ANY IDEA. Granted, they've all turned out to be a little more helpful in the long run than I gave them credit for at the time. But I still felt so lost making these decisions, and I'm married to a doctor.
Plus, that's just the "medical" route. When his teachers hand me his Individualized Education Plan (IEP), I might as well be reading Greek. And I was an education major! Then they ask if I want to sign off on it. As if I have an opinion on exactly how many times he should be able to draw a circle without lifting his pencil. I don't even know how to tell if his therapies are helping.
And it all blew up in my face two weeks ago. After three years of extensive services from our local school, we were suddenly told that while issues remain, he is no longer eligible for services. He's too smart. He knows too much. He doesn't qualify under "developmental delay." THIS IS GREAT NEWS. Truly. I wanted to celebrate and stop analyzing him and just hit cruise control for once. He's smart! We can take the easy road. But my whole body was rebelling, shouting at me, Then why does this still NOT LOOK LIKE THE HIGHWAY??
Just last week, I sat down and listed the issues that concern me with specific and recent examples of each one. It almost killed me, creating such a partial picture of him (may God spare me from ever having to see such a list of my struggles all in one place). And at the end, I still couldn't tell what to make of it all. He's 5 1/2 now. What is normal for a 5 1/2-year-old? What's developmental stage vs delay? Personality vs disorder? Is there a diagnoses that ties it all together? One universal theory of everything? Have I missed talking to the one professional who could have found the pattern? Maybe we need to explore string theory.
Still, in these last two weeks when I have felt especially vulnerable, God has sent five people into my path to rescue my brain from the muddle of being too close to the situation...
1) A friend with a child receiving special education services in my district.
2) A friend with a child who was disqualified from special education despite his need.
3) A parent who knows the school system and my child enough to see where the wires were crossing.
4) A student advocate from Arc, a FREE service for parents navigating public special education services. I should have called them SOONER. S-O-O-N-E-R.
5) Our beloved pediatrician, who sat next to us in Sunday school, stayed after to discuss, took the documents home at night, and called me after hours to go over it all.
After umpteen phone calls, emails, medical appointments, copying test results, shuttling paperwork around town, and making use of that awful-but-incredibly-helpful list, I can finally see the road again. It's not the highway. I don't know if it ever will be, but it's solid. We're still not certain what to call it, but with some more calls/emails/appointments/tests/paperwork, we should be able to get him the services he needs to keep progressing in the right direction. That's my cautious hope.
Can I see the road ahead clearly? No. Will it be messy? Yes...
But do I? That's what gets me the most. I feel so incompetent. And I don't even know how to become competent or how competent I should reasonably expect to be. And he's such a treasure. If you know him, you know he lights up a room when he walks into it. He is a joy to have in our home. Please hear me: I LOVE being his mother. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My stress is not about him; it's about me. I don't want to fail him, but I can't be an expert in everything for him.
Eventually, I usually end up where I probably should have begun: Praying. I've been praying a lot more lately. And asking others to pray for me. Because the only way I can really handle the responsibility of being a parent in moments like this is believing that God is in control, that He gave me this child in good conscience, that He loves him even more than I do, and that He won't let me foil His purposes in this precious boy's life.
Still, when you're driving down the highway in the center lane, it's not too bad. You're surrounded by other cars and there are street lights and you basically just follow the dotted lines and the taillights in front of you. Besides, every map in the world shows the highway. If you get confused, just ask Siri. If you're stumped on a parenting issue, just ask the gazillion other parents, books, blogs, teachers, etc that have raised or taught a normal kid. It feels fraught with danger, but the stats are in your favor.
Then a few years ago, Josh and I started to wonder if we were still in the center lane with one of our kids. We'd encountered some potholes early on - meningitis at 3 weeks, torticollis the first year - but thanks to modern medicine, they seemed resolved by the time he turned two. That's when other red flags started to appear - not talking because he couldn't be understood, not being able to answer common questions. It was SO hard to tell what we should expect, when to raise the alarm. At 2.5, we asked his preschool teachers and were surprised to learn they had concerns, too. We called Tennessee Early Intervention Services for an evaluation. He qualified enough to win the label "developmental delay" and free therapy from the state.
Still, speech therapy is common enough. You help them learn how to talk, and suddenly they start to become an open book. Conversation feeds the cognitive - and everything else. And we did see incredible advancement. Maybe we were still middle-of-the-road; He was just a late bloomer.
Besides, HE IS SO SCRUMPTIOUSLY ADORABLE. SO lovable. So charming. (Except when he's not.) He's smart. He's capable. He's hilarious. He brings joy to our family. And not just to our family - to our community. The impish smiles. The playful habits. The excitement over everything.
For a while, it's really hard to tell you're off the highway. Sometimes I still feel like I've imagined it, like maybe I've made too much of his quirks, or gathered his weaknesses into a list that would make any normal child appear worse off than he is. What if we hadn't done anything different? Would he have risen to meet our expectations? It's almost like my wishful thinking haunts me.
But it's not based in fact. The screening tests, the school district evaluations, the doctors, the therapists, the teachers. They're not spinning the facts or trumping up the data. We are on a different road, and no one knows where it is on the map or what it's called. And it just feels SO foggy.
How can I possibly know which doctors we should be seeing? The pediatrician sent us to the developmental pediatrician who sent me back to the schools (because they do the tests for free) and made an appointment with pediatric neurology. I walked into the neurologists' office confused about what they do and why we were there, only to have her look at me with the same questions. We've seen a pediatric geneticist who measured the width between his teeth and thickness of his fingernails. And that's not to mention the various trips to the ped ENTs last year. And in every case, they've turned to me at some point and said, What do you think? What do you want to do? AS IF I HAVE ANY IDEA. Granted, they've all turned out to be a little more helpful in the long run than I gave them credit for at the time. But I still felt so lost making these decisions, and I'm married to a doctor.
Plus, that's just the "medical" route. When his teachers hand me his Individualized Education Plan (IEP), I might as well be reading Greek. And I was an education major! Then they ask if I want to sign off on it. As if I have an opinion on exactly how many times he should be able to draw a circle without lifting his pencil. I don't even know how to tell if his therapies are helping.
And it all blew up in my face two weeks ago. After three years of extensive services from our local school, we were suddenly told that while issues remain, he is no longer eligible for services. He's too smart. He knows too much. He doesn't qualify under "developmental delay." THIS IS GREAT NEWS. Truly. I wanted to celebrate and stop analyzing him and just hit cruise control for once. He's smart! We can take the easy road. But my whole body was rebelling, shouting at me, Then why does this still NOT LOOK LIKE THE HIGHWAY??
Just last week, I sat down and listed the issues that concern me with specific and recent examples of each one. It almost killed me, creating such a partial picture of him (may God spare me from ever having to see such a list of my struggles all in one place). And at the end, I still couldn't tell what to make of it all. He's 5 1/2 now. What is normal for a 5 1/2-year-old? What's developmental stage vs delay? Personality vs disorder? Is there a diagnoses that ties it all together? One universal theory of everything? Have I missed talking to the one professional who could have found the pattern? Maybe we need to explore string theory.
Still, in these last two weeks when I have felt especially vulnerable, God has sent five people into my path to rescue my brain from the muddle of being too close to the situation...
1) A friend with a child receiving special education services in my district.
2) A friend with a child who was disqualified from special education despite his need.
3) A parent who knows the school system and my child enough to see where the wires were crossing.
4) A student advocate from Arc, a FREE service for parents navigating public special education services. I should have called them SOONER. S-O-O-N-E-R.
5) Our beloved pediatrician, who sat next to us in Sunday school, stayed after to discuss, took the documents home at night, and called me after hours to go over it all.
After umpteen phone calls, emails, medical appointments, copying test results, shuttling paperwork around town, and making use of that awful-but-incredibly-helpful list, I can finally see the road again. It's not the highway. I don't know if it ever will be, but it's solid. We're still not certain what to call it, but with some more calls/emails/appointments/tests/paperwork, we should be able to get him the services he needs to keep progressing in the right direction. That's my cautious hope.
Can I see the road ahead clearly? No. Will it be messy? Yes...
- Part of me wants the labels so we can get him the services he needs to be successful. The other part of me hates the labels that make him sound a little less than the healthy, bright, capable, charming boy he is.
- Part of me wants to keep doing tests till we crack the code and figure out why and how. The other part of me fears what the tests will do to his peace of mind and self-image; it's getting harder to explain to him why we're going to another doctor, another test.
- Part of me is thankful our other kids are sticking to the main highway for now. The other part of me doesn't know how to spread my attention evenly and respond to the differences in effort and achievement as they become more obvious (especially to them).
- Part of me doesn't want to talk about it for fear people will see him differently. The other part of me knows that people not talking about these things is what makes these roads so much foggier and lonelier.
- Part of me wants to let the professionals tell me what to do. The other part of me wonders if the professionals know what's best for him.
But do I? That's what gets me the most. I feel so incompetent. And I don't even know how to become competent or how competent I should reasonably expect to be. And he's such a treasure. If you know him, you know he lights up a room when he walks into it. He is a joy to have in our home. Please hear me: I LOVE being his mother. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My stress is not about him; it's about me. I don't want to fail him, but I can't be an expert in everything for him.
Eventually, I usually end up where I probably should have begun: Praying. I've been praying a lot more lately. And asking others to pray for me. Because the only way I can really handle the responsibility of being a parent in moments like this is believing that God is in control, that He gave me this child in good conscience, that He loves him even more than I do, and that He won't let me foil His purposes in this precious boy's life.
County of Orange
Josh called Tuesday afternoon to say he was being asked to speak at a conference...in 3 days...in California...with me along for the ride.
This has never happened before. They could have offered me a weekend in MICHIGAN and I would've taken it. Southern California? Done.
I wish. By Thursday, I really wasn't sure if it would be worth it. Turns out I took Operations in b-school so I could make arrangements to go away for THREE WHOLE DAYS. #3boys #6sitters #6pagesofnotes #22guests #72hours #1millionmovingparts #bye-bye
 |
| "Just landed in Dallas and it is 25 degrees and snowing. Snowing. When we finally get to San Diego I expect to see pigs flying. Or a sharknado." |
And there were some, like spending 8 hours in the plane, on the ground in Dallas with very little food (hence the many "flight delay" calls from the airline). Or a 4-hour layover in Charlotte after the red-eye (which was filled with babies crying #heartbreaking). We managed to spend 28 hours of our 75 hours in travel, but really it was all fine. Better than fine. And not just because of the VIP stuff. It was the fact that we had NO CHILDREN with us. We love the little guys beyond words, but this would have been a complete nightmare with them, and just knowing what could-have-been was enough to keep the silver linings ever in our minds.
 |
| "Going on hour #7 sitting in these seats, first waiting for the pilot, then waiting for de-icing. #details But I have my hubby, a good book, tea, and no children, so really there are worse places to be stuck." #bright side |
And the big whopping silver lining? A happy ending: We made it to San Diego before Saturday (by an hour), where it was 63 degrees and not snowing.
The conference was at Laguna Cliffs Marriott in Dana Point, CA, which is literally on top of cliffs overlooking the Pacific.
Saturday morning was our raison d'etre (in OC anyway): Josh's talk to med school deans about his research. It was the first time I've sat in to hear his stump speech live, and it was awesome, of course!
 |
| Who's that handsome guy up there, that sexy science guy? (Yeah, not the guy in the chair...) #groupieintheaudience (me, not the guy in the chair, though he may be too) |
Huntington Beach surprised me - it is atmospheric, with large signs of industry (plants, cargo ships, an oil rig), a giant empty beach (unless you include the surfers in the water), and a massive pier with a steak-and-shake Ruby's diner at the end. It was moody and impressive and far more interesting than a sunny bit of sand. The black cherry milkshake at Ruby's didn't hurt either.
Sunday we started with a run around the harbor to earn our breakfast, including the largest biscuits-and-gravy I've ever seen (though sadly their size didn't make them taste any more like Grandma Merrill's).
Then we drove to the famous mission ca.1776 was not on a hill overlooking the Pacific as I unreasonably expected but tucked in the middle of town across from the Starbucks. Still, it is an oasis of CA history with a layout reminiscent of Oxford, CA-style. And this way I could get a chai tea too.
Lesser-known Mission Trivia, clockwise...TL: The famous looks-like-an-ugly-wasp-nest Sparrow homes (which can also be seen under Mack Hatcher).
TR: The scariest flowering plant I've ever met. Probably transplanted from The Secret Garden.
BR: No comment. #noneneeded
BL: Turns out the native Americans had a food pyramid too! Theirs included "insect larvae" and "ground owls." Ours isn't sounding so bad...
#pros SoCal does have Starbucks that carry sandwiches and bento boxes (not to mention palm trees, Pacific Ocean, whatever), #cons But then we saw some house listings...
Time to go home!
After a quick dinner with a bestie...💜
Thursday, February 19, 2015
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