Kiwi

Our favorite TV show, The West Wing, used to joke that no one in the White House was allowed to say the word "recession," so they would substitute a less frightening word:

"Economic indicators are pointing in the direction of a possible bagel."

I can think of a phrase of smaller proportion but similar negativity that I have recently been fighting: buyer's remorse. To protect our collective state of mind, I'll hereafter refer to it as "kiwi."

If you read my previous post, you know that kiwi could be particularly perilous at this moment in my life. We're not talking about regret over the choice of entree at lunch. We're talking about the single largest purchase Josh and I are ever likely to make. In fact, when we're talking about buying a house, we should probably call it "Kiwi."

Now before I scare you too much, let me qualify this Kiwi with the following lovely and critical amendments:
-- I believe we can afford the house.
-- I still really like the house, neighborhood, location, etc.
-- I trust the process we used to make the decision: prayer, research, consulting trusted advisers, comparison shopping, etc.

If any of the above were not true, this would be KIWI. But let's not even go there. I've got enough to digest with just one capital letter.

So, what loop-hole slipped through our decision-making process? What doubts could possibly be haunting my late-night ruminations? Here's the big bad issue: It's too nice.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with the moral dilemma inherent in living as a middle-class suburban American. How can I come home to 2200sf when someone across town doesn't have 200sf and someone across the globe doesn't have water? Should we be giving more away? Should we be living around more people in need so we can help them? The questions arise regularly, and my answers are often more questions: What would we do differently? Where has God called us? How can we help the most? Is physical need more important than emotional/social/spiritual need? How can we best use the talents God has given us? Even if we were to move to the projects, what would we do when we got there? And what about the ministries we're already involved in?

Clearly, I don't have the answers. But at least it was easier to justify our current house. The new house is bigger, nicer, and further from the projects. Hence, the Kiwi.

So what are we doing about it? Two things:
1. Continuing to pray that God will give us the house if it would draw us closer to him or not if it would not.
2. Looking for ways to spend more of our time helping those in need, from wherever we're living.

If you'd like to enjoy a little kiwi yourself, rent Second Chance, a Christian movie starring Michael W. Smith that wasn't half bad.