Last Wednesday night, Josh took Noah home from church. To celebrate my moment of freedom on my way home, I decided to stop at our usual Shell station to fill up the car and pick up some hot chocolate.
I blame it on the hot chocolate.
If I hadn't gone into the Daily Mart. If I hadn't poured my hot chocolate and talked to the cashier and thought about everything but pumping gas...maybe I would have remembered that I had been pumping gas, rather than just getting in the car and driving away.
Not that I got "away." I made it about 3 feet before I heard the jerk and clatter of a gas pump pulled beyond its limits. I got out to find the nozzle and hose, lying on the concrete. Humiliated, I went back in for another chat with the cashier, this time not about hot chocolate. She was very nice, said it happens all the time, and headed out the door with me to place an "Out of Service" sign.
I thought that was the end of it. But with my pregnancy-induced dreamlife, I revisted the incident in the wee hours of this morning. I was trying to buy gas again, but this time my card was declined and a neon sign above the pump said I owed $25,000 in damages. In my dream, I even thought I had a lawyer to call. It was really more of a nightmare - until I woke up, and Josh convinced me that the oil companies are not on my tail.
That - and several other nightmares of late - have reminded me of a line in Tim Keller's The Reason for God. He dreamed that his family died. When he woke, his "joy [in his family] had been greatly magnified by the nightmare." I'm not sure my joy in pumping gas will be greatly magnified next time, but my joy in being solvent is magnified by the glimpse of a $25,000 liability.
Keller thinks that's how heaven will be. "Every horrible thing that ever happened will not only be undone and repaired but will in some way make the eternal glory and joy even greater." Like waking from a nightmare.
My life does not feel like a nightmare, but I have enough of them in my sleep to appreciate the analogy...and the hope of things to come.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had the same experience (with nightmares, not the gas pump). Last night I dreamed let Daniel watch tv all day long. I woke up so horrified I could not get back to sleep for a long time. This morning I thought, so what if it happened, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. oh, the things that steal our sleep.....
ReplyDeleteI did this once at the gas station too. I was so embarrassed (to top it off my Dad was with me). I don't remember how long it took them to get the pump fixed, but they told me it happened all the time and not to worry about it.
ReplyDeleteI love how you said Keller thinks how heaven will be. "Every horrible thing that ever happened will not only be undone and repaired but will in some way make the eternal glory and joy even greater." Like waking from a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a wonderful picture of redemption?