For My Fellow Travelers on This Road

Noah was probably 4 months old. I was leaning on the granite counters of a friend's kitchen, talking with a third young mom whose oldest was 3, when she said, "You're not balding. It happens to everyone. All the hair you kept during pregnancy is finally falling out. It'll stop in a couple months, and then you'll be back to normal. Well, you know..."

I did. Now. And I left that playdate with a lighter heart.

I can't tell you how many times something like this has happened. I walked into Bible study crying because I'd just had to discipline my 2-year-old and another mom told me I'd done the right thing. Or I got called out of small group because the same 2-year-old had bitten a friend over a toy firetruck - only to return to my small group and have the other boy's mother shrug it off as no big deal. A FB friend asked for school lunch ideas and 15 people offered suggestions I've been using ever since. A moms' group speaker shared her meal swap experience and a tablemate offered to start a swap with me. I posted a blog entry about night terrors and two friends replied in the same boat. Or Sunday morning in the nursery, a mom of 5- and 7-yr-old boys handed me a shopping bag sagging with 2T-4T boy clothes. And I can't even count the number of times a mom I trust has kept my kids or I've kept hers.

This is community in action. Full of blessings. Especially for moms who don't know [you name it]. How are we supposed to know what's normal? How can we keep perspective when we spend the day with toddlers?

In my experience, books are helpful, but they have to take the most conservative approach to avoid liability. And the ranges they share of "normal" are usually way too narrow. Not to mention they feel the need to address the exceptional emergencies possible with any issue, adding to a mother's fears rather than calming them.

If you know me, you know I love to read and have found parenting books extremely helpful. But I think that's because I have been able to read them in the context of a community of moms who help me evaluate what I read. It's the real-world experience of other moms that makes the difference.

And at this stage, I don't think one or two friends is enough. "It takes a village" to find someone who's going through the particular issue I'm dealing with at any given moment - and to make sure the two of us don't go off the deep end together. It also spreads the burden of any particular need.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I am so passionate about reaching out to other young moms - working, at home, wherever. And I've realized it's because I've seen the dangers of isolation and the benefits of community. It is hard to get out of the house. It is easy to feel inadequate or guilty or tired. But participating in community can offer more benefits than hardships -- especially a loving, Christian community like I've found at our church. These girls know about grace, are welcoming, and don't jump to conclusions. If you have the chance to join a community like that -- and if you feel isolated from other moms -- I urge you to take it.

It may be uncomfortable at first. Your kids may get sick in the nursery. You may have to give up another activity. And you may encounter some people you don't like. But the more I invest in one community, the more I've discovered a diversity of friendships, the more I find comfort, encouragement, support, mentoring, meals, playdates, relevant adult conversation, and opportunities to feel useful to someone else (over 3 feet tall). When I'm sick, I can call a friend to watch my kids. When I read something disturbing, I can hear another perspective on it. And when a friend feels like she's getting swallowed up by 1,000 Why's, she has somewhere to go.

Some seasons are more isolating than others. And I'm certainly not trying to heap more busyness on anyone who's already frazzled. But I can't stand the idea of someone thinking they have to go it alone. If this is you, please make it a point to find a friendly community of young moms and jump in. And if you live in the Nashville area, feel free to join mine. You are always welcome.

And if you need more than my word for it, here are some amazing words from a far better source...

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?' That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles of the troubled," is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it's written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we'll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus! So reach out and welcome one another to God's glory. Jesus did it; now you do it!

-- Romans 12:4-6, 12:11-16, 15:1-7 (The Message)