Church Shirts and Other No-Nos

Last month, Noah had a morning meltdown over the shirt I gave him to wear to school. One day he wants to wear red "because Kai the ninja wears red," another day he wants black "because spiders are black." While I often humor these whims, this morning I was rushing too fast to get us out the door. I wanted him to just obey.

It wasn't till he was buckled into the van that it occurred to me he hasn't had a melt-down in about two years. Maybe I should ask, "Why don't you want to wear that shirt?"

(deep breath) "The boys at school" (deep breath) "will make fun of me" (deep breath) "cause I'm wearing a church shirt."

The shirt was a button-down with a collar. A "church shirt."

Mom of the year. Right here.

I ran up, grabbed a t-shirt, and he changed in the parking lot. All was well. For the moment.

But I knew something big had changed. There had been hints, but this was the big red flag that he had indeed crossed over from blissful ignorance to self-consciousness, into the world that has invisible rules and social standings and measuring up or keeping up or being left out. Of "mean" and "teasing" and "best friends." Oy.

My growing boy with his beloved new castle and ship

"Coincidentally," I went to hear one of my favorite authors speak at a young moms event soon after and the other speaker at the event was a counselor talking about "resolving playground conflicts." The following week, our Wednesday night church program was supplemented with a seminar on bullying at school. Within two weeks time, I'd seen my first child enter the world of social norms, and I'd been given a vision for how those norms would evolve over the next 14 years. It was harrowing, but helpful.

Based on those speakers and many short conversations with Noah since, I've narrowed my focus during this stage to three key concepts I can help him understand:

1. Confidence: You are loved; you are never alone; and that means you can stand up for what is right. If someone treats you badly, 1. Ask them to stop, 2. Leave the area, 3. Tell an adult. You do not have to do what they say or make them happy. You can even wear a collared shirt to school! ;)

God is with you, a strong Warrior there to save you...He'll calm you with his love... (Zephaniah 3:17)

2. Discernment: You can choose who to play with, when, and how. Right now, he assumes that if someone wants to play with him, or is a male his age, they're friends. Not a bad perspective, really. BUT it can get you into trouble when that "friend" is not friendly (to you or someone else).

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the friend of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

3. Compassion: God made and loves every person, so treat them with kindness. Even girls. If someone asks you to stop or makes a sad face because of what you're doing, you need to stop it. We do not need to make everyone happy, but we also don't want to make them sad (yeah, this is a tricky part).

What do you want people to do for you? Do it for them! (Luke 6:31)

Thankfully, we're still at the beginning, and he only grows one year at a time. Still, I'm always open to... Thoughts? Suggestions?