Newborn Care

Newborn care is shockingly complex. Considering they just drink milk, poop, and sleep, newborn care seems like it should be easy. Most mothers of teens remember it that way and get fondly nostalgic around infants. Now that I have a 4-year-old going on 14, I get that. Parenting someone who can cop an attitude and fixate on all kinds of nastiness seems far more challenging than sleep training an adorable blob. But it doesn't feel that way when you're the one actually caring for the newborn.

Many of my friends are currently struggling with this fact. I have absolutely struggled with this fact (cases in point: "Tired" and "The Art of Napping"). Which is why I spent the last year resolving not to make the same mistakes this time around. I've written about this before (Top 10 of #2), but I realized it's time for an update with #3. So here's my attempt to boil a complicated and polarizing subject down to a few bullets focused on the things I'm doing differently this time...

First, I have to say that I'm not confident all of this would have worked with my last newborn.
Second, it may not work with yours.
Third, it may not continue to work with my current newborn either - I'll let you know in about 3 months.

EAT
I've been incredibly blessed that all of my boys have been full-term, healthy newborns of average weight who breastfed exclusively. With that in mind, eating per se has not been my boys' issue -- eating as it affects sleep has been! Hence the following...

-- Avg 3-hr Daytime Feedings: (7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm*) I try not to feed Isaac closer than 2.75hrs, knowing feedings too close together are more likely to upset his stomach. If he's rooting sooner, I know it's likely for comfort (not hunger), so I swaddle him, rock him, "ergo" him, or put him in the swing. If he's asleep at the 3hr mark, I'll wait and wake him at 3.5-4hrs to eat. Some moms feed every 4 hours round the clock, but I've found Isaac naturally fits the 3hr daytime schedule.

-- Min 4-hr Nighttime Feedings: (10:30pm, 2:30am*) They did this in the hospital, so I'm confident he can do this now. There's an army of moms out there who can testify that a healthy full-term baby is capable of sleeping through the night, so 4hrs is my minimum between night feedings. Plus I know all too well the evil spiral that is created when I feed him too much at night (he eats less during the day, needing more at night, etc).

-- Bottle-feeding: Isaac just turned 3weeks, so I plan to start 1 bottle/day this week (probably during the dream feed) in hopes that someone else (i.e. Josh) can help feed him from time to time, allowing them to bond and me to nap, work, and ultimately travel at least a wee bit. I've never done this successfully, but I've never been this committed to it either.

SLEEP!
With my first, I could make up sleep during his naps. With my second, that wasn't possible, so I got sick a lot and lived in a fog for 5 months. With my 3rd, I don't even have the option to live in a sickly fog. So my priority has been to train our newborn to sleep through the night as soon as possible.  Here are the tips I'm implementing this time around:

-- Bedtime (7:30ish) - All three of our boys go to bed at the same time and get up about the same time (11-12 hours later). Sometimes Isaac makes this earlier (last night he slept 6pm-6:30am with feedings at 9:30pm and 1:30am).

-- "Dream Feed" (10:30ish) - Before I go to bed, I wake him (diaper change) just enough to eat, but the room stays dark and silent. This ensures he only needs one mid-night feeding.

-- "Mid-night Feed" (2:30ish) - If he sleeps longer, I do not wake him, but I also don't go in before 4 hours. Once Isaac reaches 11lbs, I'll try to drop this feeding and see how he reacts after a few nights.

-- Nighttime Crying: If I'm asleep and he's fussing between feedings (i.e. 11pm-6:30am), I know he's fed/clean/burped so I turn off the monitor and set my alarm for the 4hr mark when I will turn the monitor on again.

-- Naptime Crying: If I'm awake and Isaac is supposed to be sleeping, I turn off the monitor and set an alarm for 5min (see "Le Pause" below). If he's still crying at the end of the 5min, I go in and burp him. If he cries after that (rarely), I set an alarm for 10min. He's almost never crying at the end of 10min.

-- Swaddling: This isn't new for us, but I have to give a shout-out to our ever-lovable miracle blanket, the best swaddling blanket I've found. It may be hard to imagine babies LIKE a straightjacket, but we've used it for all 3 of ours and they have clearly felt safer and slept better on their backs when swaddled.

ROUTINE

-- Eat-Awake-Sleep: I generally try to follow the eat-awake-sleep routine, but I also keep in mind that at this stage, he may need 20 hours sleep/day, so he still sleeps the whole time between some feedings (preferably during afternoon rest time!). If it's not hard to keep him awake for 30-90 minutes after a feeding, then I do. Once he shows signs of being tired, I swaddle him and lay him down for a nap till his next feeding. (based on Hogg's E-A-S-Y)

-- Le Pause: I don't love everything in Bringing Up Bebe but I've found this concept extremely helpful (I think it's in Hogg's book too). When baby starts to cry, WAIT before reacting. Not wait 5 seconds. Wait 3-10 minutes, depending on the situation. It teaches delayed gratification, self-soothing, and can help you figure out if something's really up. I'm applying this at naps, at night, and even when I'm making dinner. (Note: My new video monitor has made this much easier, as I can see if something's obviously wrong.)

-- Start as You Mean to Go On: I've wrestled with this concept, since I've seen that some things only work at certain stages. Others come with time and development. But there's a lot I can start teaching my son now. If I carry him all the time when he's 8lbs, will he expect it when he's 18lbs? If he snacks round the clock at 3 weeks, will he expect it at 13wks? Generally, the answer is yes, and bad habits just get harder to break. So, I'm even more committed to this concept than I was when I first endorsed it here.

-- LOVE: Since all of this sounds a bit draconian, I just have to emphasize how much I love on Isaac, hold him, cuddle him, talk to him, smell him, and enjoy him. The schedule and routines above are not about smothering any of that! Rather, I know from experience that keeping my sanity is key to loving my boys well, and sleep is key to keeping my sanity, and scheduling is key to getting sleep, so here goes...

Whether it works? TO BE CONTINUED... ;)

*All feedings times are approximate, not absolute!