A Note of Thanks...for Facebook

It always makes me a little sad when I hear of a friend either unwilling to try social media or giving up on it. I want my friends to do what's best for them, so today I've been pondering why I have that reaction? 

I think it is because social media is only as effective as its reach: The more people who participate, the more connected we can be -- and the opposite. For everyone who abstains, that voice is lost to that community, and it makes me sad. I gain so much from social media -- and Facebook in particular -- that it scares me to think of it shrinking. 

There's not much I can do about it - except one thing: add my little voice to the conversation. I hear social media criticized at least weekly, but I rarely hear anyone expressing gratitude for how it has enhanced their life. 

The fact is, I am a far more informed, connected, intellectually stimulated, happy person because I use Facebook. I think this is accentuated by my position as the stay-at-home mother of young children, with a part-time job that is also at home, and a love for people/ideas/reading/writing/culture, but it doesn't only apply to people like me. 

I do see the irony in sharing this list through a blog, probably linked from Facebook ("preaching to the choir" comes to mind). What can I say? Case in point? So here goes...

Why I love social media (especially Facebook) in no particular order:

1. Social Outlet: As a partial extrovert, it gives me a way to have contact/interactions with other adults (near and far) while staying home with my kids -- even more important if one of us is sick and we're literally stuck at home.
2. Milestones and Emergencies: Allows me to share important moments with a group of friends quickly/easily and at their convenience (i.e. when Aaron was in hospital, when Noah accepted Christ).
3. A Stronger Village: Helps me build up "the village" that is helping to raise my kids -- giving close friends and family a more personal link to my boys and insights into their funny moments. More friends and relatives interact with them directly (than they otherwise would) because they've read about them.
4. Efficient Information: Aggregates all my favorite news sources/pundits so I can scan their headlines in one place at my convenience...NYTimes, Christianity Today, The Atlantic, Publisher's Weekly, The Splendid Table, The Gospel Coalition, Christ Pres, Downtown Franklin, Vanderbilt, Farmers Market, Franklin Special School District, Jen Hatmaker, Tim Keller, etc. 
5. Thought-provoking Conversations: I've had so many great conversations with friends near and far over concepts/ideas in an article or quote I saw/posted online -- conversations that happen through comments, messages, emails, phone and/or in-person -- and conversations that never would have happened without that non-threatening opening. I also much prefer starting conversations about difficult subjects via written communication because it gives me a chance to really consider my words.
6. Inbox Protection: Gives me control over whose updates I see and how I receive them (in News Feed, via email) vs list-serve or group texts where I get every message from everyone.
7. Quick Surveys/Recs: Great way to swap information/resources with whoever is available and inclined to help (rarely who I expect or would have contacted individually) -- tickets to _____, best babysitters, where to find a piano tuner, how to cook whatever-kind-of-squash-this-is, experiences with tonsillectomies, etc...
8. Group Communication: Provides easy platform for groups to communicate, share info, comment/like, without having to share or track each other's contact info -- like our HOA, church young moms, my book club, etc. We can also look up members of the group to put names/faces together and see backgrounds and mutual friends.(also see "Inbox Protection" above)
9. Close Friends Closer: I share and see the most online with my close friends and family. That way when we see each other, we're not starting from scratch with who's doing what -- we can connect and go deeper faster because we're already informed about the basics. I also do not have time to send most of these things to all the people we love individually. i.e. FB allows those who care about us to have access to updates they would not otherwise get.
10. 3D Acquaintances: These would be the folks easiest to jump to conclusions about in my in-person life, because I don't interact with them enough. For those who use/post on FB, their profiles usually help me understand more about them - give me a more 3-dimensional view of them (and often disrupt stereotypes I may have inadvertently put on them).
11. Vicarious Fun: I love when friends are traveling and I get to see all the places they're visiting or funny things they're doing. It's so much more real and personal than a guidebook or National Geographic.
12. Exchange of Ideas: I'm not super creative when it comes to kid play, so I love seeing what other friends are up to with their families. Whether it's learning about Lucky Ladd Farms or a friend's pic of having a "glow-stick bathtime" with her daughter (so easy but I never would have thought to do that!).
13. Commiseration: There's just something basic and encouraging about knowing I'm not alone. I appreciate all the posts about morning sickness, toddler tantrums, messy houses, parenting quandaries, etc.
14. Chance Encounters: When I meet someone I would otherwise never be able to contact again, it allows me to form even a tenuous link so that I can go back and follow up if it makes sense (without actually swapping personal contact information) -- like the neighbor I ran into the other day on a walk, or the young mom I talked with at the park. On my "Acquaintances" list, they won't see most of what I post, but at least I have a way of following-up with them later - and one that allows me to sever contact if needed.
15. For the Record: I've found my blog and FB timeline are the easiest way for me to keep a record of our family's activities. I don't scrapbook. I'm not crafty. But I can post updates to the relevant groups (sometimes "only me") and later "slurp" them all into a blogbook at the end of each year. Someday my boys can look back on our history as a family and see God's provision through the ups and downs (see: The Stories That Bind Us).
16. A Lens for Gratitude: Looking for little moments in my daily life that others would find interesting may be the most powerful way I have found to keep perspective on my life. It's like Ann Voskamp finding her 1,000 gifts. It helps me notice--and appreciate, and remember--the blessings, the humor, the cuteness, the irony, the drama, and the comfort Christ offers far more than I otherwise would. Sometimes people accuse posters of only showing moments in their best light, but I think it can be really helpful to my own attitude to see my life in its best light. I still want to be honest in what I share, but I don't want to petrify a warped perspective (of self-pity or entitlement or despair) by recording/sharing it either.

While I'm at it, I might as well address a few of the concerns that I hear often about Facebook...

• Privacy: Every social media platform lets the user control this, by law. If I don't like who can see what I'm posting, I need to change the settings. This is even true for my blog, which is not indexed by Google. I can track who visits it (very few) and password-protect it if problems arise. I also review my “Friends” list on Facebook fairly often and adjust my sub-lists accordingly (Close Friends, Family, Acquaintances, church friends, Franklin residents, etc). 

• Time-Wasting: For decades people have spent hours reading the newspaper or watching TV, neither of which has had much relevance to our personal lives. I'd much rather spend time on social media, where *I* determine what information I see and from whom. And if the info I'm seeing seems frivolous, I'm following the wrong people (it's easy to "hide" people even if you don't want to "unfriend" them). There's plenty of rich and thought-provoking info out there to mine.

• Dangerous: Social media absolutely requires wisdom, discernment, and even accountability. Children should be carefully guided through or protected from it. Adults need to set appropriate boundaries (for themselves and their kids). All the more reason for the adults to be familiar with how it works and modeling the wise use of it.

• Poor Substitute: To be honest, I've never really understood this argument that somehow in-person relationships are more real than long-distance or virtual ones, or that one necessarily replaces or inhibits the other. They are different, but in my experience, not always lesser. If people are connecting and communicating, bravo! Besides, I have plenty of close friends I rarely see in other states but even more acquaintances I see weekly but never get beyond "How are you? Fine." Not to mention that my virtual relationships have not replaced in-person friends. I'd even say I participate in more in-person social events because of social media, not less.

• Too Old: It makes me laugh when an adult tells me that FB isn't worthwhile because teens aren't on it anymore. I wonder what makes them think I'm on FB to connect with teens? I think it's actually much better suited for adults, parents, and grandparents who have a little more maturity to handle it. The real question is what today's teens will end up using to communicate once they're in my stage of life. Now that society has discovered the possibilities/benefits/challenges of social media, I would think platforms of the future would only get better at providing the above list of benefits.

Final Notes

1. RISK: So many of the challenges related to social media come back to the "social" aspect (as opposed to the media) because relationships are messy and always involve risk. Whether in-person or virtual, it takes courage to put ourselves out there and engage with other people. We risk being misunderstood, criticized, rejected, or offensive. It's always easier/safer to keep to ourselves, to be private, to isolate. And that can be appropriate (I certainly need to be a careful steward of other peoples' reputations - especially my kids'). But that doesn't mean it's always better for us to be more private, as so much of our refinement comes from rubbing up against each other (figuratively speaking).

2. ACCURACY: I'm not so sure I'm more real or more myself in-person than in print. This could be particular to my personality as a writer, but I feel like I'm more likely to say dumb things that I don't even agree with when I'm talking to someone (or to not say anything for fear of this), whereas I'm more likely to articulate what I actually believe when I have a chance to think, write, and edit it. I also think folks who are shy in person can be very hard to get to know, but they might be comfortable sharing themselves in print. Sure, they may be sharing an inaccurate view of themselves, but the cloaked in-person view was hardly accurate either. Bottom line: You're always getting a slice of me, for good or ill. I'm just as likely to need to clarify something I said to you at dinner last night as I am to clarify something you misunderstood in this post. ;)

3. MOTIVATION: I've been reflecting on why I often start out thinking I'll share an update with a small group and wind up choosing a bigger list. It's usually because I think of all the times I've gotten positive feedback from people I would not have predicted would be interested/encouraged. If I share with a smaller group, I can always think of someone I'm excluding. I really don't think it's that I want to be more famous or admired - some of my updates are not very flattering - but I do want to connect with others and make people feel included at the least, encouraged at best.