The Wheels on the Bus...

Time marches on, and so does the school bus! Yesterday was Aaron's first day at his new preschool, and today was his first day riding the bus. He has taken to both like a fish to water. He's my hero. And as the youngest kid at school, I think he's their hero, too. :)

Newborn Care

Newborn care is shockingly complex. Considering they just drink milk, poop, and sleep, newborn care seems like it should be easy. Most mothers of teens remember it that way and get fondly nostalgic around infants. Now that I have a 4-year-old going on 14, I get that. Parenting someone who can cop an attitude and fixate on all kinds of nastiness seems far more challenging than sleep training an adorable blob. But it doesn't feel that way when you're the one actually caring for the newborn.

Many of my friends are currently struggling with this fact. I have absolutely struggled with this fact (cases in point: "Tired" and "The Art of Napping"). Which is why I spent the last year resolving not to make the same mistakes this time around. I've written about this before (Top 10 of #2), but I realized it's time for an update with #3. So here's my attempt to boil a complicated and polarizing subject down to a few bullets focused on the things I'm doing differently this time...

First, I have to say that I'm not confident all of this would have worked with my last newborn.
Second, it may not work with yours.
Third, it may not continue to work with my current newborn either - I'll let you know in about 3 months.

EAT
I've been incredibly blessed that all of my boys have been full-term, healthy newborns of average weight who breastfed exclusively. With that in mind, eating per se has not been my boys' issue -- eating as it affects sleep has been! Hence the following...

-- Avg 3-hr Daytime Feedings: (7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm*) I try not to feed Isaac closer than 2.75hrs, knowing feedings too close together are more likely to upset his stomach. If he's rooting sooner, I know it's likely for comfort (not hunger), so I swaddle him, rock him, "ergo" him, or put him in the swing. If he's asleep at the 3hr mark, I'll wait and wake him at 3.5-4hrs to eat. Some moms feed every 4 hours round the clock, but I've found Isaac naturally fits the 3hr daytime schedule.

-- Min 4-hr Nighttime Feedings: (10:30pm, 2:30am*) They did this in the hospital, so I'm confident he can do this now. There's an army of moms out there who can testify that a healthy full-term baby is capable of sleeping through the night, so 4hrs is my minimum between night feedings. Plus I know all too well the evil spiral that is created when I feed him too much at night (he eats less during the day, needing more at night, etc).

-- Bottle-feeding: Isaac just turned 3weeks, so I plan to start 1 bottle/day this week (probably during the dream feed) in hopes that someone else (i.e. Josh) can help feed him from time to time, allowing them to bond and me to nap, work, and ultimately travel at least a wee bit. I've never done this successfully, but I've never been this committed to it either.

SLEEP!
With my first, I could make up sleep during his naps. With my second, that wasn't possible, so I got sick a lot and lived in a fog for 5 months. With my 3rd, I don't even have the option to live in a sickly fog. So my priority has been to train our newborn to sleep through the night as soon as possible.  Here are the tips I'm implementing this time around:

-- Bedtime (7:30ish) - All three of our boys go to bed at the same time and get up about the same time (11-12 hours later). Sometimes Isaac makes this earlier (last night he slept 6pm-6:30am with feedings at 9:30pm and 1:30am).

-- "Dream Feed" (10:30ish) - Before I go to bed, I wake him (diaper change) just enough to eat, but the room stays dark and silent. This ensures he only needs one mid-night feeding.

-- "Mid-night Feed" (2:30ish) - If he sleeps longer, I do not wake him, but I also don't go in before 4 hours. Once Isaac reaches 11lbs, I'll try to drop this feeding and see how he reacts after a few nights.

-- Nighttime Crying: If I'm asleep and he's fussing between feedings (i.e. 11pm-6:30am), I know he's fed/clean/burped so I turn off the monitor and set my alarm for the 4hr mark when I will turn the monitor on again.

-- Naptime Crying: If I'm awake and Isaac is supposed to be sleeping, I turn off the monitor and set an alarm for 5min (see "Le Pause" below). If he's still crying at the end of the 5min, I go in and burp him. If he cries after that (rarely), I set an alarm for 10min. He's almost never crying at the end of 10min.

-- Swaddling: This isn't new for us, but I have to give a shout-out to our ever-lovable miracle blanket, the best swaddling blanket I've found. It may be hard to imagine babies LIKE a straightjacket, but we've used it for all 3 of ours and they have clearly felt safer and slept better on their backs when swaddled.

ROUTINE

-- Eat-Awake-Sleep: I generally try to follow the eat-awake-sleep routine, but I also keep in mind that at this stage, he may need 20 hours sleep/day, so he still sleeps the whole time between some feedings (preferably during afternoon rest time!). If it's not hard to keep him awake for 30-90 minutes after a feeding, then I do. Once he shows signs of being tired, I swaddle him and lay him down for a nap till his next feeding. (based on Hogg's E-A-S-Y)

-- Le Pause: I don't love everything in Bringing Up Bebe but I've found this concept extremely helpful (I think it's in Hogg's book too). When baby starts to cry, WAIT before reacting. Not wait 5 seconds. Wait 3-10 minutes, depending on the situation. It teaches delayed gratification, self-soothing, and can help you figure out if something's really up. I'm applying this at naps, at night, and even when I'm making dinner. (Note: My new video monitor has made this much easier, as I can see if something's obviously wrong.)

-- Start as You Mean to Go On: I've wrestled with this concept, since I've seen that some things only work at certain stages. Others come with time and development. But there's a lot I can start teaching my son now. If I carry him all the time when he's 8lbs, will he expect it when he's 18lbs? If he snacks round the clock at 3 weeks, will he expect it at 13wks? Generally, the answer is yes, and bad habits just get harder to break. So, I'm even more committed to this concept than I was when I first endorsed it here.

-- LOVE: Since all of this sounds a bit draconian, I just have to emphasize how much I love on Isaac, hold him, cuddle him, talk to him, smell him, and enjoy him. The schedule and routines above are not about smothering any of that! Rather, I know from experience that keeping my sanity is key to loving my boys well, and sleep is key to keeping my sanity, and scheduling is key to getting sleep, so here goes...

Whether it works? TO BE CONTINUED... ;)

*All feedings times are approximate, not absolute!

That Face

Two Weeks

Our first two weeks with Isaac have been heavy on sleep for him, help from my mom, and transition for the rest of us - a very good combination. 

His arrival fell between our summer and fall activities, meaning Noah and Aaron are not only adjusting to a new brother and busier mommy but have also lost their usual routines associated with school/church/pool/etc. I'm glad we've been able to hunker down at home, but I'm sorry the boys haven't had the consistency of a classroom to return to.

They've handled it remarkably well, loving on their new brother by talking to him, giving him toys, fetching supplies, and gently stroking his uber-soft hair. Aaron loves to remind me, "Baby Isaac - MY baby!" The other day, Noah told me he and Isaac were "playing father and son." And then yesterday...

Me: You get to go to a playdate today!
N: Yea! But while I'm gone, can you do everything for baby Isaac that I would do? Like rock him and play with him and help him go to sleep?

Still, it has rattled them both a bit, so I am really grateful Mom was here to help take care of them while I recovered from labor (a process that takes longer than I remembered!). It was also a way for both of us to enjoy that she is officially done with her cancer treatment!! Praise God. Praise God.

Meanwhile, Isaac has pretty much slept through all of it, also making the first and most extreme part of this transition easier. Between my experiences with my previous two newborns, a newborn care CD from some very wise grandmothers, and my current read (Bringing Up Bebe by Druckerman), I've been eager to see if we can help him sleep well early on. It's been going great, but then again, he probably would've been sleeping anyway. The real test comes now that we're entering the third week, as he starts to spend more hours awake and form opinions about his own schedule...

3 Weeks, 3 Boys, 3 Birthdays

Me: How old are you today?
A: Two.
Me: No, today you're 3!
A: No, I Aaron.
Me: Yes, you're Aaron and you're 3!
A: No, I a boy.
Me: Well yes, you're Aaron, you're a boy, AND you're 3!

Noah and Aaron have been very impressed with all the hoopla and visitors surrounding their birthdays: Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, cake - it's enough to make anyone welcome a new brother with open arms! Each day Nana was here, she gave each boy a little birthday present. By the time she left, Noah declared, "Baby Isaac brought us all this great stuff!" We're all discovering that there are advantages to having all three birthdays run together.

Isaac's Birth Story

SUNDAY, JULY 22

Sun 3pm: I am baking pies for a luau when I notice my usual contractions getting stronger. I’m electrified: cleaning everything in sight, re-packing our hospital bags, thinking about calling Josh to come home... Then they subside, so we go to the luau instead of the hospital.

Sun night: I toss and turn, dreaming I’m in labor. It doesn’t seem to work.

MONDAY, JULY 23

Mon morning: All is quiet on the belly front. I've never been early. Guess I’m in for another week.

Mon 6:15pm: Josh comes straight home after clinic to find the boys decked out as a race-car driver and "spider-man." We eat pizza and play board games (“chess” and “Cars”) on the family room floor. 

 

Which is where my water breaks.   

Mon 7:35pm: We are just putting the games away to take the boys up to bed when I feel the classic and shocking "gush." Josh runs to get towels as I reassure the boys that my insides are not leaking out. Aaron is concerned, but Noah is ecstatic - ecstatic - saying, "Yea, Mommy's gonna have a baby! Yea, Mommy!"

Josh loads the hospital bags and boys (including one race-car driver) into the van while I grab another towel and try to assure myself that I cannot be misinterpreting this, right? No more false alarms?

Mon 8pm: Then it’s off to the neighbors’, where we deposit the boys for my brother and sister-in-law to pick up at 8:30pm. (When I asked Noah about their time at the Corbins', he wanted to make sure I noted that they "got to watch TV!") Meanwhile, Josh and I head to the hospital, calling parents along the way.

Mon 8:30pm: Once there, my dear doctor husband who works at this hospital gets lost in the parking garage. When we make it to the maternity ward, they are full and send us (with kind apologies) to the waiting room. There I pace, worry that the contractions are not building, turn on HGTV, FB/text with friends, and marvel at the next laborer to roll in with her sixth on the way.

Mon 9pm: We get a triage room and they confirm my water has broken (whew!) and I am at 2cm (ugh). Then we move to a Labor & Delivery room where we meet my new best friend for the night: Andrea, a super-sweet nurse, midwife-to-be, and clone of my dear friend Liz P.

Over the next couple hours, I change into the classy hospital gown, hook up to monitors, have an extensive debrief with the anesthesiology resident (NO SPINALS, please), walk the halls with Josh, eat popsicles and jello and chicken broth, and wait for my irregular contractions to get their act together.

Mon 12 midnight: No dice, so Josh tells his parents they might as well crash at their hotel for the night while he curls up in a cot next to my bed. I pretend to sleep as the mild contractions continue every 6-8 minutes.

TUESDAY, JULY 24

Tues 3am: A resident tells us it’s time to start Pitocin to jumpstart my progress. I’m hesitant, having just read a Consumer Reports article recommending fewer interventions, so I suggest we go for a walk to see if that does the trick. She replies, “Sure – Have a great walk, come back in 30minutes, and then we’ll start the Pitocin.” Seems the risk of infection is a greater consideration than the risk of disregarding Consumer Reports.

Tues 3:30am: Alas the walk has had no effect, so they start the Pitocin at “2” and crank it up to “8” over the next 3 hours. It has an effect.

Tues 5:45am: They put in the epidural. I hate when they put in the epidural. There’s something instinctive about protecting your lower back, and mine seems to remember the past epidurals – not with fondness. But the contractions are insisting I ignore this instinct and go for the drugs. I go for the drugs.

Tues 6am: I’m at 4cm. FOUR. I’ve been laboring all night to go from 2cm to 4cm. In other words, right now I’m thanking God for Pitocin, or this could’ve been a VERY long labor, and I’m already exhausted. Maybe these medical folk know something after all.

Tues 6:30am: The epidural is working. It is magic. It is heaven. I’m comfortable and rest for the first time in 12 hours even as the contractions are – apparently – piling up stronger than ever. I’m floating through it. I love modern medicine. Pitocin. Epidurals. The 135/min heartbeat I can hear pumping as I rest...

Tues 7:30am: But then the baby’s heart rate is dropping (decels), and I’m feeling some pain. The nurse looks concerned until she sees a head between my legs. I’ve gone from 4cm to 10cm in 1 hour. With almost no pain. Did I mention I love modern medicine?

Tues 7:54am: Our little one pops out after two – apparently – heroic pushes which took very little effort on my part.

It’s a boy! He’s perfect. They set him on my chest for immediate skin-to-skin contact, and he stays there as they do the APGAR tests, he pees on me, and I nurse him for the first time.

Then Josh gets a turn holding him, and gets a good dousing with tar-like poop.

It’s official. Josh and I are in love. With each other. With him. With modern medicine.

Tues 9am-12noon: We introduce our newest little man (7lb 4oz, 21") to Josh’s parents. Then we’re stashed in a tiny pre-op room where I scarf down an enormous breakfast (omelet, bacon, muffin, fruit, hot chocolate – the whole enchilada, minus any enchiladas) before my exhaustion and exhilaration battle it out and I again pretend to sleep.

Tues 1pm: We move to the penthouse, or so it seems. A real recovery room with private bath, a remote-control bed for me, pull-out bed for Josh (no need for pity – he’s not having postpartum contractions), room service (and the food is good – especially the omelets and tuna salad), professional nursery, free movies, flowers, gifts, and visitors.

Tues 3-6pm: We both sleep. For real. Then we pick a name. (Rock, paper, scissors.) (Just kidding.)

Tues 6-8pm: Visitors! We show off our newest family member to the Dennys (again – they can’t get enough – neither can we), Southerns, and Stewarts, plus two big brothers who meet Isaac Robert Denny for the first time.

Tues 8-10pm: Josh and I eat Bricktop’s black and blue pizza and the-best-chocolate-chip-cookie-in-the-whole-world (Thanks, Grandma and Papa!) while we start Crazy Stupid Love.

Wed 10:30am: Isaac’s circumcision in the nursery. Josh paces in our room, muttering, “I know a great pediatric urologist…”

Wed 11am-2pm: Josh’s parents and sister visit for some cuddle time with superman. Isaac is nursing and sleeping like a champ. He is a champ. Just like his Daddy and brothers. I can tell already.

Wed 5-8pm: My parents arrive. Mom finished radiation at 9:30am this morning and went straight to the airport for their noon flight. They get Taco Bell with Josh while I eat my now-regularly enormous room-service meal. It’s like we’re on a cruise. The hospital just needs a pool.

Wed 8-10pm: They do have free movies, so Josh and I watch Larry Crowne.

Thurs 2pm: After a relaxing morning, we’re discharged with my last mementos from the hospital: canker sores (I went a little crazy with the cranberry juice) and the DPT vaccine that will give me flu-like symptoms for 36hrs. I’ve just given birth for this child – I think I can handle the flu.

Thurs 3pm: We arrive home to my parents, the boys, and a beautiful new normal. Plus the Olympics. Life is good. We are beyond grateful.

Recovery

One morning last week, Noah woke up not feeling well.

Little boy in a big bed

I settled him on the couch in front of the TV and told the boys not to touch each other. We didn't want to spread the germs around.

Guess who's sick.

I came back a few minutes later to find them "not touching each other."

Which is why--as soon as Noah was feeling better--they both headed for the shower...

They love piling on the rug and "disappearing" afterward. Where'd those boys go now??

And in no time, Noah was back to normal.

Well, at least normal for a 4-year-old boy... (yes, that's pizza dough)