One Experience in the World of Daycare

There are some things you just have to learn for yourself. They aren’t real until you’ve tried them and discovered the pros and cons. I’m not sure childcare needs to be one of them. In case I’m right, I’ve decided to go ahead and share some of the unexpected circumstances I’ve discovered after three months of part-time daycare. I’m not criticizing those who have children in daycare (after all, I do). I’m just sharing what I’ve learned because I wish I’d heard about these possibilities back when I was trying to make a decision. I don’t feel like there’s much frank talk out there about childcare options because people are so worried about offending parents. Here’s my 2-cent effort to change that.

PROS
1. Noah is happy at daycare. Obviously, this is huge. He’s a pretty happy kid everywhere, but I’m still so thankful that he smiles when we walk into the daycare center. And I can’t think of a time that he’s been crying when I arrive to pick him up.
2. I really like the two women who care for Noah. They’re both middle-aged mothers who have lots of experience caring for babies. They know him and I believe they’re responsive to his cues (tired, hungry, etc). I talk to them every time I pick him up, and have found them good sources for advice/ideas since they’ve encountered so many different children.
3. I love that daycares are regulated. The infant room has been deliberately designed based on research and specific requirements to protect and nurture the babies. I don’t worry about unstable furniture, stray cords, inappropriate temperatures, etc.
4. The center is always open. I never have to worry about a nanny calling in sick, going on vacation, or quitting. While I can’t take Noah if he’s sick, at least I don’t have to worry about the center getting sick (they have to find subs - I don’t).
5. It’s a great social environment for Noah. At the very least, it teaches him that other babies exist. Today I even noticed he and another baby staring and smiling at each other. He’s making friends!
6. It’s a good change of scenery. Sometimes I find it hard to know how to keep a 6-month-old entertained all day everyday. I sing the same songs, play the same games, and show him the same toys over and over. Daycare provides new stimulus and broadens his (and my) horizons.
7. There’s accountability. Not only does the state check in on the center every year, but they have video surveillance available online (password-protected) and there’s inherent accountability whenever you have that many people in one place.
8. That time away from Mom teaches independence. Since we’re not together 24/7, I hope that Noah will experience less separation anxiety as he grows. Hopefully he’s learning that 1) he can survive without me for a while and 2) I will return.

CONS
1. It’s hard for babies to take long naps at daycare. In a bright room full of babies crying, playing, eating, etc., Noah rarely sleeps more than 45 minutes at a time. As a result, I’ve found it difficult (read impossible) to establish long naptimes at home. Which means that I don’t get to nap during the day because by the time I get to sleep after putting him down, he’s about ready to get up. That wouldn’t be a big deal except…
2. It’s hard to breastfeed a baby that’s in daycare. He winds up either taking the bottles at daycare (which can make him less interested in nursing) or he doesn’t take the bottles (which means he nurses all night to catch up). As a result, Noah has reversed his days/nights when it comes to eating. Which means I don’t get much sleep at night, and it’s hard to catch up during the day (see #1).
3. It’s hard to stay healthy. Caregivers can’t possibly clean their hands or the toys between every contact so Noah inevitably sucks on a toy that was in someone else’s hands 5 minutes ago. In the last 3 months, he’s had a stomach virus, two colds, hand-foot-mouth, and an ear infection. And since I’m not getting much sleep, I’ve had all of the above and shared them with Josh. This builds up Noah’s immunities and should prevent future illness, but it means I miss work, we’re all uncomfortable, and I have to keep trying to re-establish good eating/sleep habits after each illness.
4. It’s a little harder to have a social life. On the days he’s in daycare, he hasn’t slept well, so he needs to go to bed earlier at night, which means we (his parents) don’t attend evening activities (or we have to get a babysitter). This also means we don’t see him much those days, so we don’t want to participate in as many activities on the other days, because we want to be with him.
5. Not every caregiver knows every baby. Some caregivers have limited hours (7am-2pm or 10am-6pm) so substitutes fill in during the off hours. I’ve found Noah wearing other baby’s diapers and a friend has had her son’s bottle fed to another baby. Neither caused harm, but they could have (think food allergies) and they indicated that not everyone who’s caring for Noah knows who he his or what he needs.
6. It’s a little more difficult to instill a strong sense of security. I’ve done a lot of reading since I got pregnant, and it seems there’s a large body of research that indicates these early months/years are critical to a baby’s lifetime sense of security – does he feel loved, valuable, and able to trust. As an infant, that security is established by consistent physical contact with parents. Despite their best intentions, two paid caregivers cannot fill that role for the hundreds of infants that cycle through their room (8 at a time). I used to think this would be good for Noah – keep him from being spoiled, teach him that he’s not the center of the universe, give him some grounding. But a recent Bible study has reminded me that God does not treat me that way. He provides constant, unconditional love and provision for me – a safe, secure foundation so that I can face an uncertain world with confidence. If I am to parent like He does, I’ve realized that I want to do my best to provide that foundation for Noah. The world will teach him about insecurity soon enough. There may be times when we have no choice, and I know God will protect Noah during those times, but thankfully, this isn’t one of them for us.
7. It’s expensive. Less than a nanny, but still enough to hack away at my part-time salary.

As you can see, daycare has been a learning experience for us – neither wonderful nor terrible. If Noah weren’t having such dramatic eating issues, we’d probably continue with it. But as it is, we’ve finally made the difficult decision to take Noah out of daycare. I know there will be days when I miss it. But God is providing other outlets to supply the PROS (the church nursery, mentoring moms, good home babysitters, playdates, and eventually mothers-day-out). And I’ve finally reached the point where it’s just not worth the CONS. I want to be home with him so we can establish a schedule that works better for both of us. I’m sure I’ll discover new PROS/CONS with the new arrangement, but maybe I just need to learn them for myself…