Discipline, The First 2 Years

Introduction
I've only been in the discipline business for 2 years, and my single sample is an easy-going kid. Clearly, I'm not qualified to write any books on discipline. However, since I think it's the most difficult aspect of parenting, I've been reading every book I can find on the subject, grilling my older-mom-friends, and experimenting on my son. Not that this makes me an expert. BUT there is so much material out there and so many questions, that I thought it would help me to cull it down to the nuggets I've found most interesting or helpful. If you have any to share, please comment! I'm always eager to hear what has worked with different kids at different ages.

Our House Rules
1. Do no harm (i.e. no hitting, biting, pushing, pinching, twisting, unkind words, or throwing at people without their permission)
2. Obey, right away, with a happy heart

Attempts at Prevention
--Consistent rules: If you disobey, it's gonna be bad.
--Not consistent consequences: When he doesn't know what the punishment will be, he's less likely to choose it. Also allows parent to adapt consequence to each situation.
--Minimize temptation by honoring his sleep/eat schedule, listening to him, granting reasonable requests, or telling him what's about to happen
--Give 2 choices, both of which I like (i.e. "Kix or Life?" not "Donuts, Pancakes, or Cereal?")
--Teach how to handle frustration i.e. ask for help, sit on the couch, count to 5, take a deep breath, put the toy in timeout
--Practice how to ask: constant reminders to "speak clearly" and "ask nicely"
--Protect treasures: putting away treasured toys before visitors come
--Prepare beforehand: "Here's what's going to happen when we get there..." or "5 more minutes till bedtime" or "1 more slide before we leave" or "say bye-bye to the toy"
--Give explicit instructions: not "behave yourself" but "sit still and quietly in your seat"; not "stop whining" but "do not ask again"
--Avoid the n-word: phrases like "not right now" or "danger" can help avoid saying "no" all day long
--Don't overpromise: If I'm not positive we'll get to the park, I won't tell him till we're on our way there. If the cousins aren't coming till Thurs night, I tell him Thurs afternoon.
--Use Quiet Time: More intervention than punishment, if I see he's getting grouchy/whiny/rambunctious, I'll suggest he sit on the couch (not in another room like timeout) and rest till he's ready to play/talk nicely.
--Use Space: If he's not playing well with Aaron, I'll separate them; One plays on the hardwood while the other plays on the carpet.
--Laugh or love through it: Periodically I'll respond to testiness with a "wrestle moment" or "tickle tackle." Or we'll just hug or read a book or have him sit on my lap while I work on something. I don't want to reward bad behavior, but sometimes I can tell he just needs some lovin'.

The Consequences
Bottom line: lack of respect => lack of privileges
Examples...
- Toy time-out for 5 minutes (or more)
- Boy time-out for 5 minutes (I set a timer)
- Return to car for 5min (if out somewhere)
- Nap/Bed (if you're too tired to ____, then you must need to go to bed)
- Delay or cancel outing or treat
- Spanking (last resort)

Addenda
1. Follow-through is critical. Don't say it unless you plan to do it.
2. Conversation/emotion = attention = reward, so we don't talk much during discipline and I try to stay matter-of-fact. Originally I had to teach him about timeout, but now he knows, so I can just tell him to go there. If he asks why, I'll tell him briefly ("You hit Aaron"). That's it. No long explanations or melodrama. When the timer rings, I ask if he's ready to come out. He says he's sorry and the rule he broke. I remind him I love him. Then we're done.
3. Some natural consequences are enough. If he doesn't eat his dinner, he'll be hungry. If he doesn't put his shoes on, his feet may hurt. Don't interfere. Just enjoy that nature's pitching in.
4. "When you do ___, ___ happens". Discipline is not about me being upset or making him miserable. He makes a choice and experiences the result. When he's upset with the result, I can commiserate with him, but that doesn't change the result. That way hopefully it doesn't come between us. It's more about him and his actions/choices.
5. The Big "S" I don't like spanking on several levels. It feels lazy as a parent and doesn't model how I want him to handle problems, so we save it for: a) when there's no other choice, or b) when we've tried all the other choices and they routinely haven't worked.
6. All in the context of a loving relationship, of course!! We talk about everything, spend tons of time together, and have lots of fun, which keeps discipline from hijacking our relationship (except on the days when he spends half his time in timeout). I'm just praying this works when he's 15!

Addenda #2
After I posted this, I realized one giant assumption that I probably should have made explicit: I do not do all of this well!! It seemed ridiculous to write a blog on parenthood and not address discipline, so I decided to compile what has seemed to be great advice, much of which we've tried to use at some point. However, I mess it up daily, and frankly, I'm ok with that. Right this moment, I'm convinced our relationship with the boys is strong and honest enough that they realize we're flawed, we love them, there are important boundaries, sometimes we change our minds, and that it'll all work out in the end. Regardless, I just wanted to make it clear that we're not claiming to be good at discipline - just working through a complicated subject and sorting through lots of advice.

Sources
Grace-Based Parenting
Shepherding a Child's Heart
Parenting with Love & Logic
Don't Make Me Count to Three
Nanny to the Rescue
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers
Loving the Little Years