Clingy

Some words come with seasons. I may never have used the word "clingy" in my first 30 years of life, but it has become a staple since the birth of my second child.

Aaron loves to be held, cuddled, and rocked - especially by his mama. If I am visible, he only has eyes for me. And if I refuse to pick him up (because, for example, I'm pulling hot pans out of the oven), despair quickly ensues.

Aaron is the kind of clingy (yes, it has kinds) that is loving and adorable and pitiful. The way he wraps his legs around my waist, grips my shirt with his left fist, curls his right hand under his chest, lays his head against my collar bone and brushes my chin with his golden red hair is PRECIOUS. Precious.

If I squat to reach something on the floor, he will wriggle onto my knee. If he senses an impending separation from me, he sticks out his lower lip, puckers his forehead, and shakes his chin as he considers whether to cry. He melts my heart. And he knows it.

Thankfully, he's not the kind of clingy that has a good memory and lots of perseverance (i.e. true "separation anxiety"). He's the "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" kind that's perfectly happy with someone else once I'm gone. This is a very, very good thing for both of us. But it only works if there's another caregiver available - about 20% of the time.

Which leaves 80% of his waking hours with me. And physical touch is not my love language. I start to feel claustrophobic. Not to mention it's difficult to make dinner, grocery shop, or run with an animated 25lb bundle putting my right hand out of commission.

So I try to strike a balance - soaking up these few years when I have a child who loves on me, without crippling either of us for life.

Here are a few tricks I've learned in the process:

1. When he's most needy, just sit and hold him in a very boring position until he gets tired of it and gets down. He's much more likely to play on his own after he chooses to get down than if I put him down before he's ready. I also enjoy it more because I'm focused on it rather than seeing it as a hindrance.

2. When I really need to shop or make dinner, contain him nearby (strapped in the high chair or grocery cart). If he's at my level and nearby, he may settle down.

3. Don't forget to check the basics: Is he hot, dirty, thirsty, hungry, or tired? Sometimes I still overlook one of these obvious causes for clinginess only to kick myself later.

4. When he's driving me up the wall, check his temperature. He's probably sick or teething and needs the extra care for a reason.

I know that someday I'll look back and crave his sweet little-boy cuddles, so I do cherish them now. But I also know that someday I will have forgotten how draining it can be to have someone artificially dependent on you. He doesn't need to be held as much as he wants to be held. He is capable of doing more than he claims. And it is my job to teach him confidence and independence.

So if you have a child who is constantly leaning on you, know that there are moments when I can relate. There are moments when you don't need to be reminded to just enjoy it. And there are moments (like today) when you see progress. When he cheerfully plays on his own. When he asks someone else to hold him. When he just visits your lap for reassurance. And those are good moments, too.