Becoming a Mother of Three

Monday, this baby will be 32 weeks along. It's one of my favorite milestones in pregnancy, because it means the baby can be born anytime and the rate of morbidity/mortality (by the time they're two) is the same as being born at 40 weeks. It's an awesome relief.

AND it means we're getting close!

I am really enjoying this pregnancy. I have experienced the gamut of side-effects, from the glorious nesting (my house has NEVER been this organized) to the inglorious hemorrhoids (TMI?), but they are all elevated by my certainty that they are a privilege. Now that I've done this twice before, I have a much better understanding of the outcome, and what an incredible, explosive, unfolding miracle it is. I am also more confident that this child will be good for us, that we can be good for him/her, and that I can enjoy the adventure that comes with a new life.

That confidence does not just come from experience so much as it comes from a deepening knowledge of the God who made us and loves us and is working for our good. Lately, God has surrounded me with messages about my identity and how it is...

1) Not a static thing that must be protected, but something to be molded and changed by Him and those around me (Loving the Little Years, Stepping Heavenward, this Scott Sauls sermon),

2) Not defined by my appetites or enhanced by self-gratification (the last section in this Gospel Coalition blog post, this Scott Sauls sermon, among others) 

3) Only comfortable and enjoyable when eclipsed by His identity (Romans 12, this Tim Keller podcast, this Scott Sauls sermon, among others)

Our culture is obsessed with each person's right to pursue happiness by fulfilling his/her desires without guilt or shame. It's the worst kind of lie because it plays on and multiplies our weaknesses. Yet each week, I feel myself slipping back into that way of thinking. Each week, God gets my attention again. Because we both know I cannot go there and do motherhood (or anything else) well. As soon as I forget Christ in my every day, I become a selfish ball of appetites, struggling for my own way and parenting like a 2-year-old.

My new favorite book on motherhood, Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic, has been an instrumental boost in this department. I started reading it after my first trimester, when 12 weeks of nausea had fueled my selfishness and entitlement to the point that I was really struggling to kick that mindset. I have been tempted to quote it so many times, but it's impossible to do her ideas justice in 2-3 sentences. Better yet, the book is only 102 pages long, so you might as well just read it. She says everything I would love to say here, but I'm still trying to learn and apply it myself.

In the meantime, I am loving these little weeks that count down to our big day. And on most days, I look to the arrival of our new bundle of needs and joys and cries with the confidence that God has led us here, and He will give me the grace and support to be the mother of three, if I will just let Him.

Note: If you need a good dose of parental inspiration and don't yet have Rachel's book, read this letter of encouragement to new parents. It's a gem.