Healthy with Symptoms

Pregnancy fascinates me. I don't always love being pregnant (see list below), but the fact that my body can just kick into gear, doing ALL SORTS OF CRAZINESS that I would never know needs to happen, is startling. I thought this was my body! I thought my brain was the boss of my body! (After all, I tell my boys this all the time.) Turns out, I'm quite the animal with instincts that don't depend on education and intelligence.

Maybe this explains why I feel the need to keep a record of the menagerie of symptoms. The length and scope of them is so easy to underestimate. After each pregnancy, I have looked back and wished I'd kept a list. Because I instantly seem to forget 80% of them once the baby leaves my body (preservation instinct, no doubt). Well, here's my chance...

I am starting this list on October 28th at 6 weeks gestation, and I plan to keep adding to it until - yeah, till labor.

But one more note before I do. I will say that one of the biggest perks of being pregnant BESIDES THE BABY of course, is that whatever comes up, whatever weird symptom appears that would have thrown me into a tailspin trying to diagnose the myriad and terrible causes and find a treatment now has this one, beautiful, healthy, self-resolved answer: I'm pregnant! No strange disorders. No cancer. No aging. It'll all be cleared up in a matter of months. It's fantastic.

And just to be clear, this list isn't meant to sound like complaints. I'm not "keeping a record of wrongs" against me. ;) I just really find it fascinating how comprehensively pregnancy affects a woman's body. I had no idea before I went through it. So I thought a list (of my symptoms - not everyone else's) might be enlightening or at least amusing for those who haven't faced it - or those who have.

With that in mind, here are the symptoms in the order they've appeared....

October 28, 2015 (6 weeks)

1. Soar throat. I've had one for weeks and couldn't figure out why the virus wasn't going away. Turns out it was heartburn already doing its dirty work, before I even knew I was pregnant.
2. Vivid dreams. I have the most pungent dreams when I'm pregnant. It used to freak me out but now I know it's chemical-induced and not some deep weirdness lurking in my subconcious (not that I'm above it).
3. Acne. I break out all over my upper body during the first trimester. You didn't want to know this, but this list is full disclosure so if you're queasy, stop reading now. It was the first thing that made me suspicious. Could I be pregnant? No. Of course not!
4. Abdominal twitch. I've never heard of this from anyone else, but my first symptom and dead give-away has always been this one muscle in my pelvis that hurts a little when I turn over or cough. Don't ask me why, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I woke at 6am yesterday realizing I felt that muscle with every turn. I got up, took a pregnancy test, and then stared at it with unbelieving, suddenly not-sleepy eyes for about 10 minutes.
5. No period. You'd think this would be the dead give-away. But I've never been very particular about details, and I knew I'd had one last month (Sept) so I wasn't worried about it. Turns out that was 6 weeks ago. Oops.
6. Low-level stomachache. I haven't hit the big-time yet. This stomachache feels more like stress. I'm in the midst of teaching right now, so at first I thought it was nerves. It's not. I'm also now remembering that it subsides when I'm out-and-about with people. So bring on the socials!
7. Hunger. I don't usually get hungry every couple hours. Or find my stomach growling with hunger while I am nauseous and have no appetite.
8. Sugar-averse. YES!! This is so unlike my usual self that it's a dead giveaway. I just wish it would stick! It only lasts for the 1st trimester, but during this period, I prefer plain wheat cereal, crackers, and brown rice.

Ok, this just struck me. How do all the symptoms seem to be showing up within 24 hours? I felt completely NOT pregnant on Monday. By Wednesday, I was totally pregnant. Was I in complete denial before? Or maybe it just shows we see what we expect to see? Or maybe it's those mischievous little prenatal vitamins I just started popping...

October 30, 2015

9. Coffee-averse. NOOOO!!! Sadly, yes. Coffee and chocolate just don't have their allure during pregnancy. I can't stand to walk into Starbucks. That all reverts back to sanity immediately after birth, but for now, pass me the water and shredded wheat.

November 11, 2015 (8 weeks)

10. Could Vomit On Cue. I'm in the thick of it now, which means about half the days I feel really nauseous and have to force myself to eat something so it doesn't get worse even though I feel like I could vomit at any moment. Hands-down the worst side-effect.
11. Uber Olfaction. My new super power. I can walk into a concert hall and tell you if someone has a cup of coffee. Our church actually serves free coffee. #helpme
12. Fatigue. I can sleep 10 hours, get up to send the kids to school, go back to sleep for 1-2 hours, get up for 4 hours, go back to sleep during nap time, get up for 5 hours, and hit the sack by 9pm. I'm not sure I'm ever truly awake. A small part may be that I've cut caffeine -- not from nobility but because I can't stand the taste of caffeinated drinks -- but I think it's 90% our little blueberry sucking up all my energy.
13. Sensitive Teeth. I've never liked ice in my water but now it's actually painful.
14. Dry Mouth. Apparently I'm sleeping with my mouth open, because when I wake, it is parched. #nodetailtoosmall
15. Interrupted Sleep. Sleeping at night presents multiple challenges, finding a position that soothes the nausea, heartburn, and gas while still allowing me to sleep. Plus, I have to pee 2/night. At my doc's recommendation, I tried Unisom last night. It was AMAZING except: I woke with a bladder AT ITS LIMIT and the fuzzy-headed dreamland doesn't just turn off with my alarm clock. I don't think it truly wore off till noon. #oops
16. Motivation-free Zone. I look forward to the day when my nesting instincts kick into gear, but for now, I'm content to lounge on the couch and stare into space.

January 13, 2016 (17 weeks)

Just after my last update (8wks), my OB said to cut my prenatal vitamins and take folic acid. That really helped with my nausea (and might explain why morning sickness seemed to start "overnight" at 6wks). However, I wasn't out of the woods by a long shot.

17. Gagging on Cue. Since November, the longer I am vertical (standing/sitting), the more I feel pressure building in my chest that makes me gag or dry-heave. It's awful, and I've never quite been able to figure out how to "treat" it. I've taken a regimen of heartburn, allergy, and cold medicines since it seems like it could be caused by indigestion (like the mother of all burps is always waiting to come out) or rhinitis (my nose is always stuffy). Nothing seems to help much. I have noticed caffeine makes it much worse. I still feel it often but it's steadily getting better. I think. #fingerscrossed
18. Rhinitis. The stuffy nose that comes from all the extra blood in my system. Afrin is my friend, but I try not to use it too much. I'm pretty sure this explains #14.
19. PMS. Or that's what it feels like. It's a terrible achy-ness in my abdomen like PMS cramps. Almost always follows the least exertion (once it was that I'd taken out the trash the night before, another time because I'd trimmed the bushes outside, another just walking/standing all afternoon). THIS is why I can't exercise when I'm pregnant. I HATE the consequences. It's scary and uncomfortable and the only cure is resting in bed for a few hours (not always convenient).
20. Cravings. I've had cravings for a while but I'm finally getting hungry enough to satisfy them. And the thing about pregnancy cravings is that when you finally get the food you've wanted, it tastes AMAZING. It is THE VERY BEST PASTRAMI SANDWICH I HAVE EVER TASTED. Lately, for me this has included cucumbers, strawberries, fritos, gummy worms, salty nuts, and sandwiches -- goooood sandwiches. I am a sandwich connoisseur: Merridee's chicken salad, Jersey Mike's cheesesteak, Noshville's reuben, and Frothy Monkey's buck are my current faves.
21. Weight Gain. #duh I'm now carrying around a turnip and all of her accessories. Plus the results of #19 and #20. So it's begun, and I made my first belly-induced trip to Motherhood Maternity last night. So long as I don't think about post-delivery, this part can still be fun. #denial
22. Hair. Confession: My hair has been thinning for over a year and it has totally freaked me out. I was afraid it was a side-effect of birth control, which is why we'd scheduled Josh's appointment last fall in the first place (and you know how that turned out). Well I'm off the pill AND pregnant which means I'm supposed to have thick, luscious hair again. Instead it just means it's not falling out as much. But it also means I am terrified of how I will look 3 months after delivery. Please do not let me see your horror if I'm wearing a wig before I'm 40. #seriously #vanityisreal

Finally, I want to give a 2-thumbs-up shout-out to my new best friend: Unisom. I think it's in the benadryl family. It comes in 25mg pills OTC, and I take less than 5mg (I basically cut off a crumb at the end), and it's enough to help me sleep through the night with only one pee break. I'm still a little groggy in the morning, but I'm not nauseous and I'm getting rest. Plus it's non-addictive. I recommend it to pregnant mommas everywhere. #hallelujahamen

March 11, 2016 (25 weeks)

23. The Food Blahs. Unless I'm craving it (in which case it tastes AWESOME), I'm mostly tired of eating food. Except that I still get hungry and mildly nauseous if I don't eat food. So I eat, but not the best stuff, and I often don't enjoy it. And to complicate things, what sounded good yesterday (all the asian salads at Trader Joe's) does not sound good today (a fridge full of asian salads from TJs). I've never cringed at so many leftovers. Josh needs to be home more so he can eat what I no longer want. Still, the following seem to be consistently attractive at this stage: orange-mango juice (i.e. nectar of the gods), cottage cheese & applesauce, any fruit, cucumbers, wedge salads (especially from Bricktops), deli-sliced ham, and all desserts (and here my self-control seems to be failing me -- I'm even eating chocolate again).
24. Heartburn. I had about a month off from this, but now It's BAA-AACK. As is Maalox.
25. Pillow Proliferation. I'm reaching the awkward-stomach stage where it takes an army of pillows to get comfortable at night. But when they're just right, bed feels soooo gooooood.
26. Caffeine is BACK BABY. Thank the Lord. I can now drink a weak latte to help me get through the day. Naps were starting to make nighttimes worse, plus I have too much to do in the afternoons, so this is a great mercy. It does increase my heartburn and nausea in the evenings, but it's worth it.
27. Warm. This is just the beginning (ugh). Nashville is unseasonably warm right now (70s in early March!), and already it makes me not want clothing to touch my skin. In March. June is gonna be fun....
28. Pink Passion. I'm still riding the wave of I-suddenly-love-all-things-pink. Pink Little Debbies, pink teddy bears, pink tulips, you name it. It doesn't hurt that I'm craving strawberries. You should see my buggy at the grocery...
29. Priorities. Somehow they change when I've got a baby. That may sound obvious, but I didn't know it would happen. Anyone else could look at me and think I'm having to give up things for this child, that it might feel like a sacrifice. I'm happy to assure you it usually does not feel like sacrifice. I don't care as much about travel or socials or whatever else I'm skipping to rest and protect this little one. And that instinct is a gift from God, because this attitude is not of my own making.
30. Nesting. I usually love me some change, but not so much while pregnant. Not knowing where we would live was driving me crazy. Piling up baby stuff in a corner of the guest room? Anxiety-inducing. Not having sold our house on the first day? You get the idea. Uncertainty or chaos are especially hard right now. I think that's another reason I was elated after we got the contract on the new house. I could finally start working and planning toward a visible future! And I cannot wait till April, when we can actually get everything in place in our new home, school, etc. In the meantime, I keep telling myself to Trust God, Trust God, He's still in control, He's still good, He's got this. #repeat

April 4, 2016 (28 weeks)

31. Tailbone of Death. Ok so maybe it's not actually killing me, but sitting without a pillow or with my feet up becomes excruciating, and getting up after... (insert theme music from Psycho here).
32. Swelling. My toes are already turning into sausages and my ankles no longer have any wrinkles (woohoo). It will gradually work its way up to my face, but for now, the only relief is to put my feet up, which brings on #31... #loselose
33. Heartburn Escalation. Now it's round the clock, makes me want to gag, gives me a tickle in my throat (don't think about that one too much - ick), and makes me not want to eat (which is really the only good thing that can be said for it). It also complicates my pillow situation at night, as I need to be practically sitting up to avoid the "burning hole in my heart" sensation, even while I'm trying to support my stomach, not cut off my circulation, and...you know...sleep. I've been using OTC meds, but I may have to call in the big guns (Rx) soon.
34. Warm. I won't say I'm hot yet - just that I've started eating ice and frozen vegetables again, and that's a sure sign that I'm in the 3rd trimester. Who eats frozen asparagus??? (hand raised)

June 3, 2016 (37 weeks)

Ok, so I'm cheating here a little--writing in retrospect--since i didn't actually know this would be my last day pregnant. It's been 11 days since then, and I already can't remember half of what I was feeling full-term (#momnesia is real), but here are a few things I definitely remember from that last trimester, in addition to all the stuff above, naturally...

35. The Circle of Pain. There's a smallish circle on the front of my belly (near the button) where the stretching seems to be the worst and it feels like the muscle is crying a little bit. This was actually much worse in past pregnancies, but I felt it a little around 36 weeks.
36.  Restless Legs. These drive me nuts - the constant urge to move them, the craving for a marathon or a massage, neither of which is usually possible. On the night after my parents' 50th anniversary party, my sister-in-law sat and massaged my feet with lotion for about an hour, and I think it was the most bliss I've felt in 9 months. Seriously. If only she would move in. ;) Short of that, I'd heard magnesium could help, but those supplements didn't seem to make a dent. The only control I found was trying to go to bed before I was too tired (the more tired I was, the worse this felt). Or, to his credit, Josh's massaging them, which he did many nights near the end (yeah, he rocks).
37. Eating Ice. I don't usually like ice in my water, let alone eating it, but the last two months of pregnancy, it felt like spring in my mouth -- cool, crunchy, refreshing, awesome. All of which has dissipated since giving birth, and now it's just too cold again (which my dentist will appreciate).
38. Mucus Discharge. This sounds a little gross, but really I just find it mysterious. Where does it all come from? And why? And how could so much suddenly appear just before labor???
39. Swelling Even More. Around May 23, it reached my face and I could finally feel my temples against my glasses. But by this point, I'd also discovered compression socks, my little heroes. If I put them on first thing in the morning, I could walk most of the day without feeling like I was stepping on unbreakable water balloons. The only downside? They're not the best fashion statement with shorts...
40. Cracked Heels. My feet have always been tough and calloused on the bottom, but during 3rd trimester, they reach a new low. So low I can't even get a pedicure for fear they will bleed. I can lotion till the cows come home, but the only real cure? Birth.
41. Gas. It was pretty constant. The boys LOVED how much Mommy was tooting, but Mommy did no so much love the discomfort, especially in bed at night. All that gas rolling around inside could also fake me into thinking the contractions were getting painful (labor?). Until it found its way out, and I felt like an idiot. A smelly idiot.
42. Peeing. Constantly. I could go 3 times in a row before bed and still wake several times a night. We went through toilet paper like nobody's business. I was seriously thirsty and drinking lots of water, but I also had a little girl sitting on my bladder with an occasional kick to send me scurrying. A full bladder could also fake me into thinking my contractions were getting painful (labor? see a theme?) - until I went potty and they seemed to disappear... I do not miss this one bit.
43. Anticipation. I can't leave this one out. The last month is just SO FUN for me. I don't usually have (or want) much drama in my life, but knowing this majorly wonderful, dramatic event is coming and not knowing how or when is possibly my favorite thing about being pregnant. I love that there will be a story, that we will have to mobilize friends and family, that we will wake up one day and suddenly have a daughter -- and that it could happen anytime!? Awesomesauce.
44. Solidarity. This started sometime during 2nd trimester, when it became obvious enough that I was pregnant for strangers to comment on it. I love this. I love that it is such a universal experience that it connects us to most humans on the planet -- that we can relate on some basic level and share in the joy and anticipation and birth stories and pregnancy woes, etc. It was especially fun when someone would ask if this was my first, and I got to say, "No, I have 3 boys at home, and this is a girl!" It never failed to produce a smile, a connection. And that's just fun.
45. Movement. I don't want to renumber everything, so I'm just gonna tack this on the end, because now I'm realizing I should've been tracking the bad and the good! Oops. But let's just agree, it goes without saying that feeling a baby move inside of you is a uniquely powerful experience, second only to meeting them for the first time when they finally come out.
46. Celebration. It can be easy to get mired down in how limiting pregnancy can be. I was exhausted most of this pregnancy and couldn't get through the day without a rest or feeling sick. Even the stairs inside my own house were daunting and left me breathless. So I was thankful for the few cultural artifacts out there that really celebrate pregnancy: Father of the Bride 2 (the movie), The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy (book), BabyMama (movie), What to Expect When You're Expecting (book and movie), and BabyCenter.com. When I needed to remember to enjoy this pregnancy, I'd crack one of these open and take a peek - lifted my spirits every time.

I'm sure there is more to say about it all, but now that it's over, I can admit a few things:

1. I slept on my stomach some last night, and it felt amazing.
2. I am chomping at the bit to exercise again - 5 more weeks!
3. Part of me feels sad watching that experience -- that season of life -- come to a close. It is incomparable, and I will miss the joy and community and dramatic arch that pregnancy brought to our lives: the announcements, surprises, excitements, and ultimately, family members. It was all well worth the discomfort, hands down.
4. That said, when I really remember how much harder it was the 4th time around, I am reminded that I do not need to try it a 5th. Seriously, God. This is it. Right?