It's Complicated

How we watch the Olympics

Jamie: "Ok Claude, when do we bust out of here? And how?"

Claudia: "On Wednesday. Here's the plan. Listen carefully."

Jamie: "Make it complicated, Claude. I like complications."

-- From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

I get this about Jamie, I really do. Complications keep life interesting. A simple life can be a boring life. It's probably one of the reasons we had children -- several of them. And it must be the part of me that wants a dog. #gluttonforpunishment I want life to be an adventure (see pics to the right 😆), and adventures don't come from ease and simplicity.

But this week, the complications have felt more like a giant jigsaw puzzle than an adventure. I have been weighed down by the feeling that no one knows my kids as well as I do or understands their strengths and needs and circumstances as I do. Which means it's up to me to figure out what -- if anything -- should be done on each front.

Porch life

My husband is an amazing father who is passionately engaged with our kids, but he's got a pretty serious day job (which also happens to make my job possible), so he's often not available when complications arise during the week. And no one else is around to see how the before-school, after-school, extracurricular, homework, playdate and other routines are going.

A mentor once told me, "Be a student of your children." As my kids have grown and their personalities and social relationships have become more complex, I see the wisdom in her advice -- the necessity, really. I am not a helicopter parent (see When We Have to Helicopter), but I am the only adult in a position to notice patterns or problems across my kids' spheres (home, school, church, sports, and year-to-year, season-to-season).

Just one of the boys... #babygirl

I inadvertently attended a lunch-and-learn last week about depression. Maybe I should have paid more attention to the title of the event, but if I had, I wouldn't have gone, and if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have noticed some (medication-related) red flags in one of my kids the very next day.

At first, this freaked me out a little. What if I didn't happen to go to that lunch? How far would it have gone?? 

But then I remembered something else: I didn't "just happen" to do anything. And I'm not the only one who knows my kids inside and out. Their futures are not actually on my shoulders.

I've been a Christian for HOW LONG and I still forget that God calls himself our parent? Which means He is also their parent. Their loving and all-knowing parent. The one who really is responsible for their development. When I have to lean in, He is right there with me. 

I spy the cutest fish ever!

It doesn't make life less complicated. I still have to lean in, to push against my nature. I don't suddenly feel light as a feather. But remembering this perspective does help my shoulders relax a little. It lowers the stakes: It's not all up to me. I have to make decisions, but if I miss something, God will bring it to light, or if He doesn't, it'll still work out for our good in the end (no matter how painful the path feels). 

I find it hard to keep that truth in mind, so I decided to type out some of the related verses/promises (from The Message paraphrase) here, in hopes they get a little deeper into my brain.

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

Rock-a-bye baby...

Matthew 7:7-11 "If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?"

Matthew 6:26-30 "Look at the birds, free and unfettered...careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds...Walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? ...If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?"

Exercising with me

Hebrews 12:6-11 "God is educating you...He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best."

Ephesians 3:15-20 "I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

Romans 8:32-39 "With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? ...The One who died for us--who was raised to life for us!--is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture... None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.