Have Fun! Part 3

(Lost? Start with Part 1: Have Fun! Seriously.)

Let Them Eat Cake

But we all want to play, right? Why the soap box? Because I think we can get so busy and hold onto unexamined assumptions to the point that we can poison these brief years when we get to bond with and enjoy our children. We hear plenty about how hard parenting is. I want to hear more about how FUN it is.


Marie Antoinette's apocryphal phrase has always come to mind when people tell me to date my spouse. They're telling me to go have fun with my best friend. It's like they're telling me to eat more chocolate cake. Um, Yes! Thank you! Don't mind if I do.

Playing with my kids hasn't always produced the same reaction. My first response can be laced with dread. Years ago, a friend with toddler boys told me, "I'd rather counsel suicidal teens than play more Hot Wheels." I totally get that. How many cups of air constitute a tea party? How many counting books can I read before falling asleep? Is there anything more inane than 2-yr-old games? Still, sometimes, we stretch and play the made-up run-back-and-forth-waving-arms-in-the-air game. We play that endless game of War with a mongrel deck of 75 cards. Or we learn how to pitch the baseball to a young hitter in the driveway and run all over to retrieve the balls. #gotsomeexperience

But lately I feel like God has been showing me ways of creating fun for all of us. I believe this gets easier when they're in elementary school, but I can also see it getting harder when they're teenagers, so now feels like the time to establish it as a priority for all of us -- something we all want to protect for years to come.

I think it starts with protecting the "margin" in our family's schedule. It's why I stay home with the kids, it's why we outsource some chores, and it's why each of our kids only has 0-1 extracurriculars at a time, none of which are overly burdensome on our family. We don't do this out of nostalgia, but because it seems like the only way for all of us to feel healthy. Not everyone can make these same choices, but that doesn't change that these choices are good for our family, in our particular circumstances.

So what does creating a culture of family fun look like? A few things I do not mean...

• Giving kids whatever they want, buying them lots of stuff, or sending them off to fun activities with their peers. I'm talking about the activities where our family plays together.
• Everyone thoroughly enjoying every moment of my best laid plans. #asif This is why there's a hashtag #forcedfamilyfun. #trialanderror #futurefunnystories
• Each person staring at their own screen with headphones on during an activity. I'm not opposed to this at times; it's just not playing together.
• Going into debt to pay for the fun. Sometimes, it requires trade-offs, delayed gratification, or coming up with creative cheap or free ideas, I'm just not recommending charging it.
• Organizing all of our kids' play time. #Heavenforbid I am ALL FOR boredom being the mother of invention and all that. Mine get plenty of time to play independently and make their own fun. Since laissez-faire is my default, that is not what I have to work at.
• Self-care. I also don't have to be told twice to get a pedicure or spend a few hours in a coffee shop. This is not about individual play. I'm talking about with our kids.

Usually, creating family fun means taking something one of us already likes and building on that to transform the mundane into something fun for most of us. #redemptioninthedaily

We don't always have to create it; sometimes we just have to choose it. Sometimes I can almost see the choice in front of me when something benign and silly happens: 1) to be annoyed and roll my eyes like I'm 14--my natural tendency, or 2) to be amused and all laugh together. I can see my kids looking to me for how to react. What's she gonna do? It may feel like I'm literally forcing myself into #2, but when I do, it pays off.

Lightening up the culture in our home can also mean literally fixing the lighting -- making it more comfortable, lighting a candle, dimming it first thing in the morning, opening all the curtains, etc.

Music may be the most obvious tool for improving the setting for our family interactions, but it's still one I often forget. My 9yrold works better with KidsBop on, and you know what? It makes everyone shimmy a little bit, which we need when they come home and crash after school. I also noticed a distinct difference when I switched from NPR in the morning to Christian music. A background of worship set a very different tone than reports on political outrage or death tolls in the middle east. #gofigure

All of this is of course reliant on our family being a safe place where we show kindness and compassion and have clear boundaries and rely entirely on the grace of God to shine through our weakness. That is already priority #1 and generally gets a lot of attention -- as. it. should. With that in mind, these posts are designed to highlight a lesser-discussed area that I have underestimated.

But enough telling, tomorrow I'll post some examples of planned play that have worked for our family with absolutely no guarantees they will work for yours: Part 4.