It's Not About Me

This has been a fussy week for our little guy. He's had a fever, a rash, constipation, and 2 new teeth pushing through. It's enough to make anyone whine, but since I'm used to such a happy camper, it's been a pungent reminder of our daycare months (when he was sick nonstop). It has also reminded me that while he may be learning to communicate, his skills are way too limited for me to finally know What's wrong?!

Noah has also provided an amazing reminder of how isolation can lead to self-absorption can lead to misery. When we've been home alone this week, he has generally been clingy and at times unhappy. He can just sit and think about how his gums hurt and his throat's sore and he really needs to poop. Life is just hard. But then, we go out for a walk or to the grocery store or have a visitor, and life is fascinating! There are other people in the world! It doesn't take much. The cable guy--who uttered about 2 words--was cool enough to perk him up.

My Tuesday morning Bible study is talking about how Jesus saw people - really saw them - and it led him to compassion and action (Matt 9:36, Mark 6:34, Mark 10:21). While compassion may be a few years down the line, I can't help thinking Noah is seeing people. He's not bustling through his day, hoping not to be distracted from his agenda. He's not so focused on his ailments that he has to tell everyone about them. He forgets about himself - at least for a time - when someone else is in the room. And that's refreshing. It also means we're headed out the door... Daddy and Starbucks! YUMMY!

A Book Review: The Ten-Year Nap

I recently finished reading The Ten Year Nap, by Meg Wolitzer - a novel about four professional women in NYC who decided to stay home with their babies 10 years ago. Now that their kids are in school and the women are turning 40, the book follows their growing pains as they transition into midlife.

What I liked about the book:

1. Writing - smooth, smart, not too literal or abstract, really gave a sense for the locations and characters; balanced reflective passages with plot; articulated many unspoken social dynamics.
2. Characters - the women are not all bored, resentful, regretful, or inane - as moms are so often portrayed. They're intelligent, mostly appreciative, and at least one is truly happy.
3. Context - Includes snapshots of the grandmothers to show how feminism set the stage for the mothers' dilemmas.
4. Tone - Wolitzer doesn't feel judgmental; she's not crusading for any particular kind of motherhood.

What I didn't like:

5. Setting - Did she have to set the story in NYC, where everyone seems to think you've either sold out or are a moron if you don't live there?
6. Perspective - I couldn't help thinking that if she wrote about my daily life, it would sound richer and more rewarding than her characters'. I can't quite put my finger on the difference, but I think it's mostly attitude.

What I learned (though probably not what the author had in mind):

7. Secular books are inevitably depressing. Without the hope, joy, and instruction that comes from belief in a loving God who has a purpose for each of us, life becomes a series of events with the characters responsible for making meaning. Such books help me remember that life with faith is SO much better than life without it (which may explain #6).

8. I generally appreciate the feminists of the '60s. They opened doors for women in the workforce, and I have directly benefited. But there is a small part of me that regrets that those advances have also made mothering not enough. If I'd lived in the '50s, would I have wished I could work, or would I have just enjoyed being home without the sense that I should be doing more?

In the end, I thought it was very well written and would recommend it to anyone who can see around its melancholy perspective.

My Busy Ball Bopper

Noah has been watching me turn on his "busy ball bopper" for months. Last week, he made a valiant effort to push the red "start" button with his hand, but he just couldn't get the force to make it start. After a few tries, he figured out an alternative. He puts everything else in his mouth, why not the start button? It's hilarious to see him crawl over to the machine and push down on the red lever with his jaw. It's creative, it's problem solving, it's slightly slimey, and it works!

Back in The Village

For those of you not from Nashville, Vanderbilt sits right next to--and has a strong influence on--a community called "Hillsboro Village." The retail section of the village is only about 4 blocks long, but it's full of culture: vintage clothing, used books, Asian imports, Southern pancakes, French cuisine, dark coffee, outdoor seating, trendy restaurants, and tiny parking spaces. It's a bit of East Nashville on the West Side, with more diversity and education and piercings than some states.

Since we first met 12 years ago, Josh and I have spent a lot of time in the village. We lived within walking distance for 7 years - and Josh still works across the street. Now having moved "to the 'burbs," we've gradually shifted most of our evenings and weekends to Brentwood/Franklin.

But we still visit at least once a month, like today. Lunch at Fido (the dark, crowded coffee shop where every sign is a play on words, every patron is carrying a half-written thesis, every menu item includes "aoli" and/or a bagel, and no one would admit to shopping at Wal-mart), then a walk around the block, including a stop at Pangaea (the name says it all) and Provence (ditto).

As we walked, I was reminded of my favorite movie: The Family Man. Jack & Kate have moved from Greenwich Village to raise their kids, knowing that while they loved "the village," family life is better in Jersey. I tend to agree.

On a funny note, Josh mentioned today that downtown Franklin is basically a Republican version of Hillsboro village -- more rural, mature, and conservative but just as ideal for an autumn afternoon. I agree with him, too.

Tapping the Language Barrier

Noah is communicating, and I LOVE it! I LOVE it. I LOVE IT!!

About two months ago, I got positive confirmation that he can understand me. I was on the phone with an automated customer service voice which asked me a yes/no question. I answered with a firm, "No." Then I happened to look in Noah's direction; he had turned around and was staring at me with a worried look on his face. I quickly reassured him that he'd done nothing wrong, regretting that I'd inadvertantly "cried wolf" but thrilled that he understood me at all.

In the last month, this understanding has led to more attempts on his part. He crawls to my feet and stares up at me when he wants food/drink. He puts his forehead on my leg when he's ready for a nap.

Whenever we walk near the pond in our neighborhood, he exclaims with wonder at the fountain. He occassionally repeats monosyllabic words (door, go, book), and his babble in general has taken on a more linguistic sound. Just this weekend, he even started using the signs for "more please" and "all done" consistently. It's fantastic.

Probably my greatest frustration as a mother has been the not knowing - what's wrong, why is he crying, does something hurt, is he tired? His budding communication skills not only solve this problem - they also introduce me to a sweet new person that I'm dying to know.

Interestingly, Noah is also more cuddly and clingy than before - I assume all part of his growing awareness of relationships (and perhaps God's way of trying to compensate for the fact that he's no longer nursing?). Thankfully, he still transitions well to babysitters, bed, and the church nursery. I'm just praying that particular skill sticks around.

Skinny Denny, Jr.

Wednesday, we headed to the doctor for the 1-year check-up, confirming that Noah's healthy and skinny (50-75% in height, <5% weight). We're working on pumping him full of fat, but I think the kid takes after his dad - he'd rather play than eat.

That said, he's entered the world of cow's milk and table food with flying colors. It's such fun introducing him to spices and casseroles and meat you don't eat with a spoon. So far, he's loved watermelon (even the rind), chili (white or red), bananas and peanut butter, baked beans, hot dogs, smoked turkey, pizza, and crackers.

At the risk of telling you more than you want to know, we've also spent the last two weeks weaning. Noah doesn't seem to have noticed, while Mommy is trying to appreciate that it was so easy.

Under...

I can't say these spots look particularly cozy (hardwood floors?), but apparently they have some allure for the little guy...



I see forts in our future.