The Art We Live In

In 9th grade, I went through a phase when I thought aesthetic concerns just take attention away from relationships and charity, so I wore cream-colored turtlenecks with a chunky wooden cross and no makeup. I was basically trying to be a nun. 

Like Anne Hathaway's character in the The Devil Wears Prada, I had to learn to appreciate that clothes are the art we wear...and interior decor is the art we live in -- AND they both have a material affect on our relationships and outlook.💡 

By now, Josh and I are in our 7th home, and thanks to Marie Flanigan, HGTV, Joanna Gaines, Katy Southern, Mitzi Maynard, Suzy Knapp, Pinterest, Houzz (@vucarolyndenny), our realtors, and so many others, I've come a long way. Interior design has become a beautiful escape from and backdrop for the controversial worlds of parenting, Bible teaching, women's ministry, and social justice.

HomeBody helped define my style (and the pics🤤),
DreamHome is great for practical/ROI advice, and
HouseBeautiful keeps me current/creative.

But it's not the easiest hobby to pick up! I've had to work and read and search and pay for every little bit of instruction, because NO ONE seems to teach the basics on how to decorate a house--not to mention the trends are always changing. I've looked for podcasts and design books, and found a few favorites (see pic), but they still don't make everything explicit. 

Now that I'm suddenly getting to redecorate our basement, I've plunged back into the design world in a hurry, figuring out what I see a lot, what's on its way out, and how to even approach a blank slate. 

I was talking to a friend today who has a similar project ahead with NO idea how to start. #ihearya So, I'm going to share my Top 10 "rules of thumb" I've stumbled upon. Feel free to add, edit, or disagree in the comments! 

And PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, don't be offended if I say something in your home is on the way out. If you love it, LOVE it! That's great! These trends only matter if 1) you're having to make decisions about a reno/refresh, OR 2) you're putting your house on the market. 

Latest mood board for my basement. #nordic

1. Collect your LOVES. Swipe on Pinterest or Houzz, through catalogues or on Instagram and screenshot your favorites until you have a group of room pictures you love for each "zone" in the rooms you're decorating. I create a picture collage of my very favorites as a "mood board" that I consult before every purchase to make sure my choice fits that "mood" (style, see pic). But I keep a bigger stack in an album on my phone. Whenever I'm researching the next thing (paint, floors, cabinets, countertops, lights, etc), I scroll through these photos to see what people have used in rooms I love. It helps narrow down what seems to work in the rooms I enjoy. You can also stick to stores whose style you love, such as Crate & Barrel (or CB2), West Elm, Pottery Barn, Arhaus, RH, Ikea, Ballard, Serena & Lily, FrontGate, Joss & Main, or One Kings Lane. Just try not to buy all from the same place, or you'll feel like you're walking into that store when you walk in your door.

2. USE every room. And let how you use it drive your choices. How do you want to USE the room? What can you do there that you can't do in another room of the house? As we redo our basement, we had to decide what we want most: extra guest beds, a home theater, more storage, a fireplace to warm it up, a kitchenette, double-shot basketball, a toy playroom, or a workout room. We can have more than one (breaking up a big room into "zones"), but we can't do them all. And we can keep it fairly flexible (no built-in theater seating) but we do have to put the TV somewhere. Use should also drive arrangement: don't place 2 couches facing each other but perpendicular to the TV if you use them primarily to watch TV. Don't fill a playroom with furniture if your kids mostly want it for indoor wrestling (but maybe pad the walls?).  

3. CLOSE it in. I've been skeptical of the totally open concept for years, but 2020 has been my vindication. Make sure the heart of your home is open and big enough for everyone to hang out comfortably, but also make sure there are separate spaces for people who need to get away from each other. Maybe you want an adult space vs kids space? Or each person needs their own little haven? I have a table and chairs in my bedroom to write these posts; my sons who share a room each have the bottom of a closet as their own little man-caves. We added a wall and french doors to a living room to make my husband a home office. We can send a posse of kids to the basement while the adults hang out upstairs, or the kids can all eat in the kitchen while the adults escape to the dining room. Open sight-lines can be great, but walls can be great too. #goodfences Maybe you can't move walls, but you can incorporate needed outlets/workstations/havens in your furniture arrangement.

4. Phone a REALTOR. Even if you haven't moved in eons, talk to a busy realtor before you go too far. Your house is your biggest investment, and you don't want to put money in that will decrease its value. Find out what people in your area are looking for these days so you know where spending makes the most sense. Even if you don't ever plan to move, #youneverknow so its best to have that knowledge (even if you choose to ignore it). We were struggling to decide between travertine and tile for our basement, but our realtor made that decision easy. #goforthetile He also reminded us that we're more likely to get our money out of investments in our backyard than upgrades to our basement. And that a kitchenette with the possibility of functioning as a kitchen (making our basement a complete apartment) is more valuable to buyers than a wet bar that cannot be expanded (i.e. stuck in a 5' nook). Bottom line: in this case, more info really is better.

Some great examples of tricking us into thinking
there's more natural light than there actually is - 
especially bottom right with the interior window
and 2 levels of lamps.

5. Go LIGHT. Light tends to make everyone happy, so when in doubt, err on the side of light-colored, light-filled decor. That includes not letting blinds/curtains cover any part of the window when they're open, having plenty of lamps in a room (at different heights and connected so they're easy to turn on; we use smart bulbs and Alexa routines so they go on/off automatically), choosing light-colored paint (in matte so it's not shiny), upholstery (performance fabrics of course!), and even furniture (Nadeau has great natural wood or painted pieces). It's much easier to warm up a light-colored room (think fur and candles) than to lighten a dark room. You can also use materials like frosted glass, mirrors, or indirect light to make dark spaces (feel) brighter. Working on our basement, I see lots of "can" lights in the ceiling and indirect (think under-cabinet, on art, or behind a mirror or screen) light to mimic windows that aren't there.

6. Keep it SIMPLE. My latest love is nordic style, so I may seem biased, but this is a good rule of thumb even if you love the cluttered cottage look ala "The Holiday" in the Cotswolds. Americans tend to have way too much stuff (see the popularity of Marie Kondo or The Home Edit) and we tend to think more is better, but the easiest way to refresh a room is to remove half the stuff in it. Same for any individual piece: the less ornament, the simpler the lines, the better. Scroll work was hot in the 18th century (and maybe 1980s), but "clean lines" are all the rage now.

I love baskets because they're
pretty, natural, and easy
to throw stuff into. Tall for
laundry, low and wide for toys
or socks.

7. Put it AWAY. If you always find a mess in a certain place, that place is crying out for storage (a basket for toys, a bench for shoes, hooks for coats, a console for electronics, a drawer for papers, etc). If the clutter of ordinary life is driving you crazy but it's stuff you actually use, visit the container store, isolate the areas where you use stuff, and figure out how you can "put it away" in that area, conveniently. I now have baskets, benches, and even a trunk throughout the house so no one has an excuse for leaving stuff all over the floor (most of them from Goodwill or HomeGoods). 

8. Bring BALANCE. Balance makes us feel good, whether we know it or not. The easiest path to balance is symmetry (the same on both sides), but when that's not available (or too boring), you can group items or offset them. For example, I'm designing a kitchenette right now with only bottom cabinets and the sink is closer to the right wall, so I'll need shelves or pendants or a plant toward the left to make it feel balanced. When I bought 2 chairs for our family room, they came in shorter than our sofas. They look like doll furniture. But then I put a big table and lamp between them and art behind, and now they totally look balanced with the sofas. Also, bedside tables don't need to be the same, but they should feel...balanced. We have a small antique wood dresser of drawers on one side and a modern, thin-lined iron/marble tiered table on the other, but the materials of the modern table balance out its thin lines and similar heights/widths of the two tables make them feel proportionate.

See how the top 2 pics look like a random wall
that's missing something?
Whereas the bottom 2 make more sense,
and are more functional. #bonus

9. Tie it TOGETHER. This is a hard one to describe, but a beloved in my life does NOT see this AT ALL so that's helped me recognize it as a "rule." Think of each section of your room, each "zone," each wall, each sightline as a vignette. If it helps, walk around and take pictures of each area of the rooms you're decorating. You walk into your rooms and enter your hallways all the time: what kind of view greets you (not out the window but right in front of you)? Can you make it more artistic? Add balance? or somehow make the objects in each "picture" (zone, vignette, corner, or wall) look like they belong together? For example, we have a wall in the basement with 2 small windows on either end near the ceiling and a 5'x2' nook in the middle (see pic). My beloved wanted to put a closet in that nook, or a kitchenette. It would be balanced, but so random to have a 5' kitchenette in the middle of a 15' wall. Whatever we put there needs to make sense as a centerpiece and somehow feel connected to the walls or windows on either side. We could put a fireplace in the nook with shelves on either side under the windows; we could have built-ins that run the whole wall, or add curtains on either side of the windows (tho they're too high/short for that), etc. But it needs to look like it makes sense, almost as if you were staging a painting.

10. Keep Moving FORWARD. If you've seen it EVERYWHERE for a while now, it may not be around much longer. Overexposure spells doom for...almost anything really. I've always loved herringbone, but now I see it in every catalog, on every surface. That's not a good sign for its longevity -- rather like the trellis pattern in the "tying it together" pic, or subway tile. Something that's been huge for a while becomes tied to that era, so keep an eye out for what you're just starting to see a lot. For example, I see signs that it may be time to let go of the grays, the distressed, and even (gasp!) the white kitchen. Don't panic; I have a white kitchen too! It's not suddenly "out" -- but it's not what I'm seeing among the interior design trend-setters, magazines, instagrammers, etc. Instead, I'm seeing a move toward matte colors, simple/slab cabinet doors, edge pulls, natural wood, and stone. We still want light, but we also want simple, cozy, natural, and personal. So I'm not going to pick out our kitchenette features based on what we wanted in our last house. In other words, keep an open mind. Go with what you love, but not if you think you might be sick of it next year.

And a bonus tip...

11. Choose WISELY. Some of the outlandish designers of House Beautiful notwithstanding, I'm amazed how often high design still uses simple neutrals for all the big-budget pieces from rugs to sofas to walls. The pops of personality and color are often reserved for cheaper, easy-to-change accents from armchairs to art, pillows, and blankets. I have dear friends who know how to make big statements with color, but that seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Maybe I'm just a conservative at heart, but I try to keep the big stuff neutral so I can swap out accessories with the seasons. Too often I've pulled out pillows I bought 2 years ago for spring, only to realize I don't like them anymore. That's when I'm thankful they weren't a couch.

Ok, now I've gotta run. I may try to add more pics later, but hopefully this is a helpful start. Like I said earlier, feel free to add ideas or questions in the comments!

Not Obsolete After All

In case my dotty self can't remember 2020 at some point #fatchance, here are the reasons I haven't been writing blog posts:

1. I'm too tired. I sleep, eat, and exercise moderately well, but I'm still carrying around the 24/7 responsibility for a family of six in my head. I've often wondered how my ambition seemed to evaporate when I gave birth to Noah. I like to think it's because he reordered my priorities; it's also possible that I've been tired for 13 years.

*Which sort-of works, especially
if I can convince them to read when
they inevitably do come find me. 
As I did just now, ninja-style.😎

2. They're all here. Since March 16th. As in IN THIS HOUSE, ALL THE TIME. I haven't had alone time to sit and write, and I can't go to coffee shops to find it, because they're take-out only. To be fair, I have carved out space for my own interests, but only the ones that are home-bound, kid-friendly and interruptible (i.e. not writing).

3. Facebook is better. It's easier to write and read short posts, and I prefer controlling who sees each post -- all features of FB. Plus I don't click through many links there anymore, and I'm betting others don't either. So, I've tried to edit deep thoughts down to a few short sentences and post to a specific audience.

Well then, why am I here now?

1. My baby returned to preschool. It's 3 hrs/day, and 2 of those hours overlap with my boys' zoom classes. I have 2 hours/day ON MY OWN. Sort-of (5/6 are still in the house but I can pretend they're not*).

2. I miss writing. I had what felt like a robust volunteer part-time "job" in our Nashville community, reading, writing, teaching, leading, hosting, etc. All of that disappeared when we moved, and then this pandemic hit, tying my hands here. I have kept reading #duh, but I think if I could carve out time to write, it would be enough. For now. 

3. Blog posts are still useful. Much as I like FB, it's almost impossible to find/reference posts from past years, they're text-only, and they're usually too short to be that helpful. When I'm asked questions about ____ (parenting, eating, reading, travel, IEPs, chronic illness, you-name-it), I send people links to blog posts. Or I go back and read to remember, What did I do about whining?

Of course, I've tried to re-engage here several times, most notably right before I discovered, Surprise! We're pregnant! back in 2015. But it's my blog, so I figure I can come in fits and spurts, as life does. For now, I'm at least getting this up and out there, unpolished and unedited, because if I'm going to take another swipe at writing during these hairy days, that's the only way it will happen.😏

Could Gray Be Great?

February is famously, persistently gray. After the cold of January and with March showers still to come, it seems to be when my friends’ relationship with the weather bottoms out. 

This week someone asked me to post how or why I enjoy this time of year, in hopes it could help others see a silver lining. I'm not trying to gloat; you'll see me bottom out in August. Rather, if this can help lift someone's spirits a little at this time of year, I'm in.

So, here are some things that I think have helped nurture my love for winter, beyond the genes from my winter-loving grandmother who retired to Cape Cod.

1. British Lit. I’ve been steeped in it for decades, and it makes cold, gray days feel like the backdrop for cozy cottages, deep emotions, intrigue, and poetry. From Jane Eyre to The Nine Tailors, Wind in the Willows to Lord of the Rings. A good Charles Finch novel would not survive the glare of a summer sun, but in the dark of February, it's on point. This is the land of "London fog" or "dark and stormy nights." Everyone wears wool, admires the scrub on the moors or the dark outlines of leafless trees, and settles in a big armchair by the fire with a cup of tea when it gets dark at 4pm. Just look at the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts: With its giant stone fireplace, red tapestries on the walls, dark wood beams, and fur blankets, this place was designed to make the most of a cold, dark, wet climate. Which brings us to...

2. Decor. I love pulling down all that busy tinsel and pine in early January to replace it with calm, almost Swedish simplicity and warmth. Right now, I'm loving light-colored faux-fur blankets (LOTS of cozy blankets) and velvet pillows (usually from HomeGoods), lanterns (with LED candles on a timer), and a well-placed candle (WoodWicks are also a good sub for a fire). Sometimes I want lots of white to be calming and snow-like, but I could also imagine deep jewel tones like Gryffindor. Sometimes I lace in a single joyful color like pink or yellow that hints at Easter around the corner. If I've made a recent run to Trader Joe's or Costco, there might be flowers on the table--even more than in the summer, because now they they're stunning against the cloudy, wet window panes. 


If I'm out-and-about, I wear my favorite winter coat, because I discovered long ago it's worth the splurge when one wears them daily and keeps them for...uh...decades. I also use a soundtrack to fit the atmosphere--Amazon's Norah Jones station is probably my favorite--and I'm rarely without a thermos in my hand, because...

3. Comfort Food. Who wants a hearty beef stew in July? Fresh-from-the-oven cornbread positively SINGS in the winter. This is also when Costco re-introduces their annual shepherd's pie in the prepared foods area (by the rotisserie chickens), and it is divine. If June is a bright, juicy-sweet peach, then February is biscuits and gravy...

With coffee in a beloved mug. I keep a robust supply of hot drinks on hand, and we make them often--especially before or after school. For the kids, everything from decaf Earl Grey to frothy milk (with a dash of vanilla) and Carnation instant breakfast (yes, it still exists). For me, Starbucks black coffee, Fortnum & Mason Countess Grey tea, or Gevalia cappuccino K-cups. I firmly believe any afternoon taxiing my kids around is better with a hot cuppa.

4. Rest & Reflection. I'll be the first to admit that--in general--winter does not feel like a time characterized by sanguine, bubbly silliness, at least not outside. But it is a great time for journal-writing, reading good books, cooking, talking over coffee with friends, playing games at the kitchen table, and cuddling in front of a movie--i.e. most of my favorite things. 

5. Venturing Out. I like not feeling the pressure to be outside, since few winter activities are planned outside. Even so, I tend to prefer going outside in the mild winters we've had in Nashville or DC than going out in the sweltering summers. I like to run outside, which is so much better when it's 50 degrees than 90, and my kids feel the same about going to the park/playground. If I'm cold, I can always add layers. If I'm hot, I can't always remove layers.😆 

6. The Holidays. Yes, there are some. People love to disparage President's day, Valentine's, and St. Pat's, but we are here for them. I have socks for each one (which my 3 year-old tracks attentively). Sometimes I grab themed napkins for dinner at Joann's or Hobby Lobby the week before (usually 60% off). We might read something related aloud at dinner together. I get Lucky Charms for St. Pat's because they're SO Irish.😜 And there's dessert (flag cake, chocolate-covered strawberries, banoffee), which is really what makes it an official holiday for my children. We don't do all of these things every time - but we don't ignore these opportunities to play either.

7. Easter. This one gets its own bullet, because it is my favorite. It may not technically fall in "winter," but it's often in March when it's still cold and rainy, plus we start thinking about it with Lent in February. I could write a whole post on Easter, so I'll restrict myself to pointing out these features: the expectations tend to be low, generally only Christians celebrate so it's not quite as commercial, there are no cards-to-everyone-you've-ever-known or presents-for-every-teacher-and-cousin, and it's focused on my favorite story of all time: the fact that God came down and gave Himself so we could know Him and live with Him forever. Easter is basically in the back of my mind from the moment we start the new year, and it can redeem winter, as it redeems everything else.

Finally, it's probably worth mentioning that if I were to sum up my feelings about winter days, it would be relief. Relief that I don't have to feel guilty for wanting to stay inside. Relief that there's no overpowering spotlight shining down and overwhelming my eyes, my skin, my temperature. Relief that when I open the door, there will be a cold shot of fresh air rather than humid, buggy heat. Relief that the days feel restful and cozy with few expectations. This may all feel crazy to you, but maybe it'll help a little knowing someone somewhere finds beauty and comfort in it all.

 (See also the short version from 10yrs ago. #consistent☺️)

On the Move

I’ve lived in Nashville for 29 years -- since my parents moved here in 1991. I was 13. Needless to say, it’s home, and I love almost everything about my life here.

Especially now that I’m getting ready to leave it. 😳

Not my life; I’m not dying. We’re moving. To Washington, D.C.

Well, Kensington, Maryland, to be more precise—but on the DC Metro #redline #comeseeus and 30minutes drive from the Mall. #comeseeus 

As you can imagine, it took some pretty compelling events to convince us to jump off the train we’ve been riding for decades. I’d sum them up this way:

The last 4 years have been pretty intense for our family, but most of those issues have recently resolved or plateaued. For example: we no longer have an infant but don’t yet have a high schooler. For the first time in years, we can consider...an adventure. 

Josh has a once-in-a-lifetime chance to run the next generation of the Human Genome project, called The All of Us Research Project (https://www.joinallofus.org/en). It will have a global impact on medicine and healthcare. Granted, I’m a #proudwife, but this is objectively the largest research project ever undertaken, and the sky’s the limit on the impact it could have in every area of medicine. It also happens to be squarely in the middle of his expertise—not something we could have planned or orchestrated. #rightplacerighttime

God has opened so many doors, I’ve lost track of them all. At first, I thought, “We have to do this, even though it’ll cost us a lot.” And it will cost us in various ways, but not as many as I expected. As I’ve seen before, when God upends our plans, he shows such grace in helping us adjust to the change.

The whole thing has my mind and heart jumping between opposite corners: excited about a grand new adventure #iloveDC and scared to be walking away from so much that we love. #comeseeus

I’ve already created lists in my journal of all the reasons we believe this could be good for our family. #pleaseGod I’m pretty sure I’ll need to revisit these lists in the near future. #liketonight But even better, we hope you’ll come visit us in DC and join in part of the adventure!! #comeseeus #6DennysdoDC

In the meantime, if you've moved out-of-state with kids, please share your tips and advice in the comments. Also, any suggestions of family-friendly movies about moving (preferably where it's not a disaster) or set in the DC area would be welcome! And then, plan to #comeseeus. 😘

Social Grace

Kids are beloved and complicated. The more I get to know them through parenting or church or friends, the more this sinks in. They are also an amazing, unvarnished reflection of us adults. Maybe this is why it has taken me working with kids to finally understand that the distinctions between the way people think are a matter of degrees on several continuums, and they can change over time. 

For example, people fall on lots of points between neurotypical and autistic. This is NOT to underestimate the impact of autism but to further the recognition that there are so many ways and degrees of being different. Many of those differences are not physically visible, some can actually be “outgrown,” but all of them require insight and compassion to understand, especially in children.

The more I’ve gotten to know a child who has very little social intuition—someone who falls in the middle of that continuum—the more I’ve appreciated the gap between his intentions and others’ perceptions. That gap shifts with each passing year, growing or shrinking with each developmental milestone, but the gap remains a source of distress that puts him at risk for severe misunderstandings.

Here are some specific examples…

— he’s not being greedy when he rushes to take the first/biggest piece; he’s trying to win, because everyone seems to think winning is great (and he hardly ever wins at anything)
— he’s not being cold-hearted when he repeats his request for help cutting his food during my choking fit; he hasn’t processed that what I’m doing should affect what he’s saying
— he’s not unintelligent though he can’t remember your name; his brain just can’t recall names quickly--give him 5-10 seconds and he'll get it right every time
— he’s not being selfish when he gets upset that I'm giving him something second; he’s upset that I’m going in a different order than usual
— he’s not collapsing in a heap because he’s too lazy to clean his room; it just feels impossible to make sense of the chaos--he can’t figure out how to divide the task into steps
— he’s not being ungrateful when you try to offer him a treat and he asks you detailed questions about every option and if there are more options and still can’t decide; he literally cannot figure out what the *right* choice is
— he’s not always trying to get attention when he’s too loud or too close or too rough; he just doesn’t sense things unless they’re turned up a notch
— he’s not trying to stamp out all conversation that’s not about him; he just forgets how to enter into a conversation he didn’t start
— he’s not trying to be insensitive cracking nonsensical jokes at inappropriate times; he just wants to see you smile, and that’s what jokes do, right?
—he’s not overreacting to a momentary injunction; he believes exactly what you said is now a permanent mandate unless you specified a timeframe

—he’s not neglected or overlooked despite his messy hair or odd clothes; he just prioritizes comfort over everything, and it’s not worth battling over a haircut or different wardrobe

--he’s not always angry when it sounds like he’s stomping down the hall or up the stairs; he really is that flat-footed

--he’s not especially rebellious during trips or holidays; he’s just using so much energy adapting to the break from routine that he has nothing left for self-regulation

--he’s not always wild and loud; he’s just overcome by his own excitement at a group gathering; he’s actually a remarkable conversationalist in familiar environs one-on-one.

I’m not trying to make excuses or let someone off the hook for bad behavior. When you know someone well enough, you can start to see when they really are just being greedy or manipulative.

But I also see that discipline alone will not help someone like this suddenly understand the riddle that is social life. They also need teaching, “making the implicit explicit,” reminders, correction, reminders, pictures, role-playing, reminders, therapies, and lots and lots of patience. Not rewarding inappropriate behavior with attention, but also not crushing a spirit that feels blindsided and confused. 

And still, they're not suddenly intuitive, graceful. Will that come with time and maturity? How should one react in those million little moments of annoyance? What underlying lessons will serve them best? And how do the adults in someone's life make sure social gaffes don’t hide their depth and intelligence and creativity and compassion and joy and humor? How do we help them develop the friendships they so desperately want?

We hear a lot these days about isolation and the need for connection, about the need to lean in to people not like us, to stick with real friendships that are messier than virtual ones, and about appreciating the minority voice that doesn’t quite match the dominant culture.

We recently had a visitor who has pastored for 40+ years, and I watched him seamlessly interact with each of my children, meeting them where they are, showing no offense, immediately feeling like a safe, gentle, accepting presence in their lives. And I was reminded *that* is the goal: Christ-like love that doesn’t require social grace or maturity to appreciate the beloved.

And I see God working that out in myself, in my home, in my people. As He does, I cling to His promises to love us better than we love each other, to bring the work He has begun in us to completion, and to soften and stretch my heart deep and wide enough to understand and love well those who see the world differently from me.

Good News

One year ago, we road-tripped down to see Dr. Bruce Korf in Birmingham, AL. He is an international expert on neurofibromatosis (NF) who recently helped open a clinic in Shanghai. If you have no idea why I'm talking about this, you might want to start back at the beginning with Hard News. Otherwise, carry on...

During that visit, we first met with Dr. Korf's right-hand person, and she gave us one set of answers to our questions. Then we saw the big guy himself, and he gave us mostly different--and much better--answers. It was almost shocking the difference in knowledge between Dr. Korf and everyone else we've seen. There really is no substitute for the expert, for the doc who's seen thousands of patients with the same rare (and highly variable) disease.

Why am I just now telling you about that trip?

We've had lots of ups and downs on this road, and it has generally taken months to detect patterns or confirm changes in Aaron's symptoms, so I've grown hesitant to declare a new status quo. Just last month, we had a disappointing blip. But overall the improvement has been dramatic enough that I feel like it's worth sharing, even if things change again.

We had been seeing a GI doc for about a year (bc vomiting), so I'll never forget when Dr. Korf said, "I've never seen a GI drug solve an NF problem." Instead, he prescribed the beta-blocker (propranolol) that has worked the best for his similar patients. A beta-blocker -- a largely benign medicine without all the side effects of the various meds we'd been trying over the past 2 years.

At first, it helped some. Then we upped the dose, and since then, Aaron's vomiting/headache episodes have gone from once every week or two to once every MONTH or two (except for March).

It has been life-changing. We still try to build flexibility into any plans we make with him, but the probability of problems is so much lower, praise God. He's been able to attend an event almost every Tuesday night. Absenteeism is no longer a big problem at school. He's doing so much better at keeping up in class. And, of course, he's just not in as much physical pain. It's all good news.

Which means I'm hopeful going into his annual MRI this summer. Please pray with us that the results are stable or even improve. And thank you for supporting and encouraging all of us along this path.

Someday maybe I'll write about parenting a child with chronic illness. In the meantime, just know that we are incredibly grateful to have Aaron in our family, just the way he is, and continue trusting God's care for him and us.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.Glory to God in the church!Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!Glory down all the generations!Glory through all millennia! (Ephesians 3:20-21) 

And if you're interested in celebrating Aaron's progress with us while also working toward treatments and a cure, please join us May 6th at the Franklin Theatre for a benefit concert to #end NF.

Have Fun! Part 4

(Need a little context? You might want to start back at the beginning: Part 1.)

Adding the Fun

Turns out my forte seems to be in the daily. Here are some examples of family fun that have worked for us, based on our particular needs/interests...

Mornings Before School used to be primarily bickering and rushing. I stayed in bed as late as possible and let the boys get their own breakfast (= cereal which left them hungry an hour later,  frozen waffles lathered with Nutella, or frozen breakfast sandwiches on repeat #sohealthy). I wonder why there was so much bickering?? 😑 This year, it finally struck me that it was my last year they'd all be getting up at a reasonable hour (7am) and maybe if I were more involved, we could turn the ship around. Now I get up by 7am, turn on music, light a candle, start the coffee, make parts or all of a decent breakfast for them, and read a 1-min daily devotional before they catch the bus at 7:45am. I cannot believe the difference, and neither can they. They still thank me for doing it, and this is MARCH. Am I spoiling them? Maybe, but I'm also teaching them how to transform something you have to do into something you can enjoy and what a variety of healthy breakfasts look like. And bonus, I'm not waking up to 40 minutes of argument.

Afternoon Tea. When Josh and I brought home pictures of tea in London, the boys wanted to go. So we started having afternoon tea here at home. We probably do it 2/month as their after-school snack, or on a hump day before school. We use real china, decaf earl grey with a pitcher of milk and sugar cubes, and whatever goodies we can scrounge up from the pantry. Who would've guessed this would be such a hit with my sports- and army-loving boys? 💓

Family Dinner. This gets a lot of press, so I won't belabor it, except to say that it has taken more creativity than I expected. Sitting around the table every night with kids 10, 8, 5, and 1 is not automatically fun. We eat late so Daddy can join us maybe half the time. We use conversation cards when we need a boost. And sometimes I just pull out whatever novel we're reading aloud when I've finished eating (currently The Silver Chair).

Day Out with Daddy. Before school starts each year, Josh takes each boy out for a half day of whatever he wants to do (usually a bounce house and Dunkin Donuts). We've also worked this idea into Christmas: each gets tickets to an event with Josh (local sports, music, or theater). They also get a weekend away with Josh when they turn 12 to talk about... well, you know...

Hobbies with Mommy. What they are evolves as my kids develop, but I'm trying to make sure I share an interest with each of my kids that I don't share with the other kids. Some examples right now: my 11yr-old and I follow John Crist together, my 9yr-old likes to bake with me, my 6yr-old is the only one who wants to help me with crosswords, and my 2yrold is princess-crazy. My kids are moving targets, but I always want them to feel like they share a special interest with me -- usually one they've found and I've jumped on board.

Brit Fantasy Nights. I'm a Brit fantasy junkie, so this is a no-brainer. We read books aloud together all the time (everything from Winnie the Pooh, Peter Pan, and Paddington to The Hobbit and Harry Potter), but on these nights, we eat food from the books (often "pub food"), dress up like the characters (I have a go-to McGonagall cloak, as one does), and drink soda with whipped cream from beer steins. #itsathing

FMN (Family Movie Night). About 1/week we sit at the FMN table (a console table behind the couch that faces the TV we bought specifically for this purpose), eat pizza, and watch a movie together. #easypeasy Another edition of this is #gamenight involving Disney Apples to Apples, Scene It, or Heads Up ("Disney" so the littles can participate).

Saturday Brunch. We like eating out one meal as a family each weekend. This began when the kids were all nappers, so we'd go out to eat in the morning when their attitudes were still sunny. We've found Saturday brunch has the advantages of being 1) cheaper, 2) no reservations needed, 3) usually family-oriented, 4) kid-friendly food, and 5) it doesn't mess with bedtime. We run the gamut from Donut Den to Homestead Manor, but we almost always manage to incorporate chocolate in the meal somehow.

Hm...They all seem to involve stories and food... 🎯 #litmajor #foodlover

Think Big

Josh, on the other hand, seems especially good at recognizing big investments that will foster family fun. Each of the following has been his idea, gradually adopted by me, and ultimately a wild success with our family. They've all required a significant investment on our part, but I've been realizing that the return in fun, time together, memories, communication, etc. really is priceless.

The Hot Tub: I would never in a million years have guessed we'd be hot tub people. Josh has always been a fan, and would sort our hotel options for trips based on who had a hot tub. Sometimes we'd start in the big pool, but more often than not, everyone wanted to skip the big pool for the hot tub. Still, I wasn't sure about buying one. I could think of several families who had them, but none who used them. Then his 40th birthday came along, and I knew it would be the perfect surprise. It was, but turns out, it has surprised me too. We use it weekly. It's a place we can all talk and play with no distractions. No electronics, no chores, just us outside in the comfy water. We like it rain or shine, night and day, hot or cold. Sometimes Josh grills and we eat down there. Sometimes Josh and I go down there to talk through life after the kids are in bed.

Disney Vacations: I've mentioned before that Josh gradually converted me to enjoying Walt Disney World. It all started because he still shares a love for it with his parents. Now we're all in, and I see the fruit. We're gradually exploring the parks, resorts, and shops, learning the ins and outs, returning to our favorite things, and swapping stories about past visits. We revisit Disney stories before each trip. My Mickey hat sparks joy year-round. And each of my kids asks regularly when we can go back. Some people go to 30A each year. Others take a ski vacation. Others visit a lake house. Many do none of the above. We do this, and I'm grateful we can.

Community Pool: When we moved into our current subdivision, one of the things we missed most was a neighborhood pool -- a place we could go often nearby and see people we knew. We tried out various options these last 2 years and finally settled on joining one 5min from our house. This will be our first summer to try it out, but I'm already anticipating the payback in summer sunsets and worn-out kids. 

Seems all of these involve some kind of pool? Clearly we think in particular veins. What are YOUR favorite family fun traditions? discoveries? What helps you be deliberate about making time for family fun?