Settling In

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

On Facebook and Instagram. If you want regular updates on our little household, get thee to social media! ;)

Still, it's been 6 months since I last posted here, and if you've ever procrastinated on something, you know the longer you're overdue, the harder it gets -- there's just too much unsaid...where to start... But it's past time. So here goes...

2017, THE FIRST HALF

If 2016 was our Year of Drama (new school, new house, new family member, new diagnosis), 2017 has been about settling into the New Normal, getting used to it all.

Believe it or not, Katherine has been the easiest adjustment. She's a joy for all of us, even when she's fussy--and she has 8 teeth so you can imagine... We're all just happy she's here (even if it means the displaced youngest cries more than he used to).

I'm finding veteran mommyhood SO MUCH better than rookie mom-ing. That's good, because she's not been completely uncomplicated. (Who is?) She turned ONE in June (the boys are thrilled she's no longer ZERO), and now she's really starting to interact: pulling up, climbing, babbling, and exploring her world (i.e. my kitchen cabinets).

On the school front, I knew we'd finally arrived this spring when the boys compared their new school to their old school (as they have ALL YEAR) and the new school started winning. #winning

The new house has been great. Not everything is better than the old, but it is better in the areas that count -- the ones that led us to move in the first place. And we're using the new spaces I was unsure about. #bonus

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Which leaves us with the diagnosis. We're used to this, too. Aaron has an awesome attitude. Vanderbilt Children's is now familiar, friendly, even fun for him (the trains, toys, Ronald McDonald room, Ben & Jerry's). And Aaron's case is currently manageable. It's complicated -- which is why it's hard for me to give succinct updates -- but now I have more patience, gradually working through issues and not feeling pressure to "fix" everything today.

Here are the key points and prayer requests:

1. He still has 24-hr vomiting episodes every week or two. We've done all the tests without finding a fixable cause -- they seem to be a byproduct of his NF1. We're trying different meds, I'm still looking for patterns/triggers, we're going to see a national specialist in Birmingham in Sept, but if all else fails, I'm praying he will outgrow them. In the meantime, we're figuring out how to make them as unobtrusive as possible. Please pray they would go away.

2. His 6mo MRI came back with no new growth. This was a big relief, and means we can relax for a while on the worst case scenarios. The next hurdle will be puberty, as increased hormone levels can be problematic. But I'm hoping we have a few years to go on that front! In the meantime, please pray for no growth -- and particularly protection for his eyes/sight.

3. We're still working through the educational ramifications. He will be back at our local elementary school this fall, where HE LEARNED TO READ last year (Amazing). This summer, he's participating in a program at a private school that feels tailor-made for him. So we've seen some big wins. Please pray that we would continue to know the next right steps.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

How does it actually feel to live in this "new normal"? Really good but with moments of fear, doubt, and inadequacy scattered throughout. Which sounds a lot like the "old normal," but there are a few differences...

1. Before this year, I knew I should soak up these days with our kids at home. Now, I feel it on a gut level. I sometimes forget, but I'm far more likely to relish time spent together as a family, not running around on a schedule, but relaxing, reading, hiking, joking, eating, swimming, traveling, and building deeper friendships. I don't take these days for granted, and that's a gift in itself.

2. Deeper friendships. I love helping people connect, and particularly as our church has grown quickly in the last 5 years, I've been collecting large groups of people so they can get to know each other and feel like they belong. That's all good, but it's a mile wide and inch deep. The point of these big gatherings is for potential friends to find each other and then go deeper on their own. This year has reminded me to do that myself -- that it's ok to spend a lot of time with a smaller group of people so we know each other well enough to support each other in private or prolonged challenges. That this is not inherently exclusive or cliquish. It's wise.

3. I had never experienced such fear as I have in the past year, and I've found it has created some friction between me and God. I still believe all the same doctrine, but I've struggled with anger that He says not to be afraid when there is so much pain to be afraid of. So we're wrestling a little, but not as strangers -- I just feel more like his teenage daughter some days.

4. While it may sound contradictory to #3, I have found the most comfort in my faith this year: scripture, hymns, worship songs, nature walks, church, doctrine, and the encouragement of fellow Christians have all been the best balm. I've always known I would not want to face life without Christ; this year has been further confirmation. I can cry and be angry with Him at the death of Lazarus, but also feel the hope of His resurrection power (John 11).

5. I really like having 4 kids. I don't have space to talk about all that each one is doing and becoming in this post, but they each bring something essential to our family, and we have a lot of fun together. It certainly takes a village, and we're probably not in the hardest years yet, but today, I'm just thankful God knew better than we did how many kids we should have.

And that's a wrap. If I have to keep going, I'll wind up procrastinating another month...

But for one more update, check out Good News!