Family Time

Eating, sleeping, rough-housing, bathing, breaking boards (on purpose), celebrating fathers, celebrating jobs, eating some more (like yummy stuffed shells or homemade bbq), swimming, getting pedicures (with flowers on the big toe)...sounds like family time to me!

We've had some wonderful visits these last couple weeks with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and an uncle, and we're looking forward to Josh's cousins coming this weekend! We love every minute of it, and now that we're staying put here in Nashville (I'd rather not deliver on the road somewhere), we really appreciate you all making the trek to visit - and hope you'll be back soon for our newest little Denny!

Note: Yes, that is Noah eating an apple slice in the bathtub. What can I say? He saw it nearby, and he's an opportunist.

Becoming a Mom

I'm half-way through a parenting book that makes my brain fiesty. It is not well written, well reasoned, or well supported. Better yet, it makes fun of the parenting books that are.

But it has gotten me thinking. We spend a lot of time in our society preparing to work fulltime in industry. We have mentors and associations and classes and years poured into climbing the corporate ladder. And that's great. We should. I've utilized them, and they've made me a better person.

Yet I can't help wondering why we as a society assume parenting should just come naturally - that it doesn't require the same kind of training, mentoring, or reading. One could hope it's instinctive, but any social worker would disagree. One could rely on one's parents' example, but our memories of what they did when we were 15 are probably not that good, let alone what they did when we were 15months. Just rely on "common sense"? A little hard to recognize when you're staring down an unhappy toddler.

No, I'm pretty sure parenting is a complicated mix of teaching, relationship building, setting boundaries, modeling citizenship, and many other things that require more than sanity to pull off. Without my network of friends, mentors, and resources (books and blogs), I would be struggling far more than I am -- and I've only got one easy little boy at the moment.

That's to say nothing about the lack of instruction for women transitioning from the workforce to the home. We have orientation for every job but the stay-at-home mom. How is she supposed to know what it takes to be happy and satisfied in her new role? The culture shock alone is enough to drive many moms back into the workforce.

So let me jump off this soapbox long enough to share a few insights/resources that I've found very helpful in transitioning to motherhood and staying home:

1. On pregnancy, my favorite resources have been:
-- BabyCenter.org -- weekly email updates on the baby and how my life is changing; database of searchable expert advice
-- The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy - fun, informative, honest

2. On parenting, my favorite books are:
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg
The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers by Tracy Hogg
Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp

3. For women about to stay home, here's my pull-no-punches, quick-and-dirty tips for survival:
-- Don't literally stay at home. Go to the grocery store, to a playgroup, to church, to the park, to library storytime, to somewhere. Cabin fever doesn't just apply at camp.
-- To that end, plan ahead for the week. I usually plan at least one activity for each day so we have something to look forward to.
-- Join a young moms group. Whether it's a playgroup or discussion group, make sure you have a chance to find out that you're not alone, that others have faced this before, that they have great tips for you, and that they're making it.
-- Pursue your passions. I love books, so I always carve out time to read, I joined a virtual book group (GoodReads.com), and I've joined 2 book clubs that get me out talking about books with booklovers. I also love to write, hence this blog.
-- Make your peace with housework. (whatever that looks like for you) I like to cook, do laundry, manage our finances, grocery shop, and decorate our house. I don't like to clean, iron, work in the yard, or do dishes, so we've either hired them out or Josh and I split the duties. Regardless of how you divide and conquer, don't get yourself in a wad over a few loads of laundry. It's a dangerous spiral that's totally not worth your grief.
-- Spend time enjoying your child. I love reading books with Noah, watching him play, tickling, etc. I stayed home so we'd have time for those things. We have a schedule, but it has lots of room in it. Enjoy that.
-- But not too much time. Remember that your sanity and your baby/toddler's independence depend on you giving them space. Don't carry them everywhere you go through the house. Let them play independently. Read a book or type email while they play. Don't let them rely on you to entertain themselves. It's not good for either of you.
-- Respect your spouse. Let him interact with your child in his own way. Let him pick funky clothes or put the diaper on backward. Let him rough-house and read the same book you read an hour ago. Communicate key changes that happened during the day, but in bullet points, not epistles. He's capable and intentionally different from you, so let go and let them bond.
-- Keep your marriage first. If you're not hanging out with your spouse, you're doomed. Get a good list of babysitters and use them. Go out on date nights. Create date nights in after the kids are in bed. Spend time catching up each night. Cuddle. You won't regret it.

It's not comprehensive, it's not gospel, and it appears I never actually got off my soap box, but hopefully it's still helpful...

Sweet Baby

A photo from our 3-D ultrasound at 33 weeks. He was moving, practicing breathing, and showing off his headful of hair. What a sweetheart. I find myself rubbing my belly in hopes he can feel the hug.

On that note, as much as this pregnancy has been uncomfortable or anxious at times, I have definitely loved it. I love the gradual build-up to the big day, when we get to "unwrap" the best present ever. I love the bonding of feeling him move, tracking his growth, carrying him with us wherever we go. I love praying about God's plan for his life, imagining his little body and blooming personality as he becomes whoever God made him to be. I love that strangers see my belly and smile. I even love that when I'm uncomfortable, I can assume there's a positive cause (pregnancy) rather than worrying about illness. There are so many ways in which this process feels like a miracle - an alien, crazy, only-God-could-have-thought-this-up kind of adventure.

So while part of me wants to meet this boy right now, another part of me doesn't want to miss out on the last six weeks of pregnancy. It's too precious a time to rush past -- especially now that the end is so clearly in sight.

Rocks!

Yesterday afternoon, Noah really wanted to play outside in the 90-degree heat while Mommy was already sweating in the 77-degree house. So we headed to the one place that makes us both happy: the pool.

After an hour of sunscreen and chlorine, we traipsed back to the house and got right in the shower (the second time he's just walked in with me and played in the water while I washed us both off). At the end, I dried him off and let him out while I finished drying myself.

Do you see a problem?

But really, what are the chances that a boy who poops maybe once a day would choose the 2 minutes he's diaperless...

Need I say more?

I hopped out of the shower. The bathroom was empty. I walked through our bedroom. No sign. He was in the kitchen. On the mat near the back door. Playing with some fabulous "rocks" that had no doubt "appeared" there moments before. He was delighted.

"Mommy, Rocks! Rocks!" What fun!

I am just SOOOOO thankful I had not given him any prunes at breakfast!

Welcome to June

It's Just Ketchup
It was meant to be a dip, and it was not meant to be eaten with an extra-long spatula, but Noah didn't mind a bit. We're not exactly clear how he got his hands on the spatula, but we know exactly what he thought its purpose was.

THE POOL
I've always wanted a neighborhood pool, so corny as it may sound, this is a dream come true. I love being able to walk there anytime for free and invite friends. I love that there's a baby pool, the big pool has lanes, it's never very crowded, and I often know the neighbors I see there. Now I'm just working on making sure Noah loves it too - a gradual process.

Watch Melmo?
Noah's cousins introduced him to the little red monster, and now you'd think they're best friends. I usually save the 20-minute "Elmo's World" section of Sesame Street for our pre-dinner funk so Noah can curl up on the couch, suck his thumb, and laugh at his furry friend. But that doesn't mean he doesn't spend all day asking me to "Watch Melmo?"

Need a Car?
A few months ago, I gladly gave up my CTS for a minivan. That left Josh with a choice: sell the Saab or the CTS? Hence, we spent a few hours in the sun preparing his sporty red hatchback for the sale block. While we cleaned, Noah - well, didn't clean our flower beds. ;)

33 Weeks
One of my favorite facts about pregnancy: Studies show that babies born at/after 32 weeks in the U.S. have the same mortality/morbidity as those born at term. Which means we're in the home stretch. I still want this little guy to wait so we can avoid the NICU, but I'm so grateful that we're out of the most dangerous period. I could use one less thing to worry about; Sleep is hard enough with the heat, the contractions, the somersaults (his, not mine), the swelling, the heartburn, and the basketball that's twisting my body into strange shapes. NOT that I'm complaining. I'm just hot. I'm going to go turn down the temp. Again.

Eating in Franklin

Since moving to Franklin, Josh and I (and often Noah) have steadily been exploring the local eateries. There are countless brands to choose from, though far fewer cuisines. A few notes on what we've found, with my own highly-subjective star ratings (4 being best) and Simon-Cowellesque notes:

Brunch
J. Christopher's (****) - fresh; skillets to crepes; our favorite
Cracker Barrel (****) - good value, wide menu (though heavy food & dark atmosphere)
Noshville (***) - traditional menu, overpriced
Dotsons (***) - underpriced, limited & heavy menu, total dive
Dunkin' Donuts (***) - good jelly donuts & breakfast sandwiches
Krispy Kreme (***) - awesome hot glazed donuts, but that's it
Pucketts (**) - limited menu, buffet

Date Nights
Macaroni Grill (****) - great value, fun atmosphere
Saffire (****) - great shrimp & grits
P.F. Changs (****) - fresh Chinese and good atmosphere
Red Pony (***) - gourmet; go for the appetizers, atmosphere, and location (not the shrimp & grits)
Carabbas (***) - awesome bread, calamari, & chicken bryan--all w/lots of salt & butter
Bonefish Grill (***) - love the cocoanut shrimp, tilapia, trout, & bread
Omikoshi (**) - good sushi, mediocre atmosphere
Buca di Beppo (**) - I have good memories but Josh doesn't so we haven't been back
Red Lobster (*) - small portions; not worthwhile since I figured out the biscuit recipe
Genghis Grill (*) - limited menu; you have to stand & wait while your meal is cooked
Bricks Cafe (*) - small portions, poor service

Burgers/Tenders & Fries
Chick-fil-A (****) - value; great chicken, carrot-raisin salad; playland
Otters (***) - awesome chicken tenders, but that's it
Bunganut Pig (**) - loud live music, decent pub food, broad menu
McCreary's Pub (**) - go for the atmosphere not the food
Burgers 'n Cream (*) - copycat Cheeseburger Charlies
Zaxby's (*) - chain version of Otter's but not nearly as fresh

Mexican
Blue Coast Burrito (****) - the best fish tacos in town (and they have Las Paletas!); outdoor seating
Cozymel's (***) - outdoor seating
Baja Fresh (**) - chain version of Blue Coast but not as fresh/fast and sterile atmosphere
La Hacienda & El Guadelajara (**) - decent, heavy Mexican; like Las Palmos

Snacks
9 Fruits (****) - smoothies made with real fruit (no syrups)

Lunch
Bread & Co (****) - best fruit tea, mozzarella sandwiches, soups; pricey
Mercantile (***) - my favorite atmosphere & location
Meridees (***) - great bakery & beer cheese soup; overpriced
Barbara's (***) - awesome poppy seed chicken, rolls; total dive; closed Saturdays
Puckett's (***) - traditional meat & three; great atmosphere & location
Monell's (**) - family-style meat & three; food mediocre; overpriced
Stoveworks (**) - best feature: it's in the Factory

Pizza
Mellow Mushroom (****) - great crust, fresh soft pretzels, atmosphere, location
Pie in the Sky (****) - fresh pizza (good w/spinach), good salad dressing
Jet's Pizza (****) - the best take-out, thick-crust pizza
Guido's (***) - good calzones

Still to try...
Mickey Roos
SOL on Main
Swanky Taco
Henpeck Market
Wild Ginger
Dan McGuinness Pub (tried but it's 21+)
Boscos Cool Springs (ok but pizza oven was broken)
Sperry's
Omikoshi
Boxwood Bistro
Stoney River
Steak & Shake
Tossed - I was too disappointed when I found out their "crepes" are really wraps

Suggestions?
Also, anyone know a good sushi place?

All We Have to Fear...

Some toddler milestones are microscopic. Others feel more like a subtle plate shift - it takes a few days for the ground to settle again. About two weeks ago, we entered a new frontier in Noah's imagination: the ability to fear.

Noah has never been "fearless" in the way I expected. He's not one to dive off the edge of anything. Yet he's also never shown much fear. He's been at ease with strange people, strange nurseries, strange foods, strange playgrounds...

Until about two weeks ago. Suddenly, when the icemaker dropped a load of ice in the freezer, he startled. The doorbell rang and he wanted me to hold him ("hup me hup me hup"). We entered a new environ and his legs clung tighter to my waist (or what used to be my waist). He cried during his sleep. All the signs were there: he was usually his happy, giggly self, but he could finally imagine that something could go wrong.

Thankfully, he is adjusting beautifully to this newly dangerous world. As we reassure him and experience teaches him that he is safe, the most troubling symptom--night terrors*--seems to have abated. And he's taking new experiences in stride.

Last weekend, he was thrilled to play with Maw-maw and Papa Ball, pester his aunts and uncle, meet chickens and rabbits, ride a tractor, hang out in a new church nursery, and sleep through the night. This morning, we sat together and watched a thunderstorm roll in, enjoying the show. This afternoon, he voluntarily stayed in the pool for at least 30minutes (only his 2nd time this year). And the biggest step of all: he was happy to sleep in his "big boy room" for the first time tonight!

All this to say that if you know and love Noah, you probably won't notice a difference. He's still a bubbly, happy, independent, social little boy. But as his Mommy and Daddy, it is a privelege to watch the plates slowly shift under his feet and hold his hands as he regains his footing.


*A Note on Night Terrors: Good info is hard to find, but thanks to babycenter.com and Josh's many medical references, here's what we learned in case you encounter them:

1. Night terrors are not nightmares. Children wake from nightmares, cry, and remember glimpses of their fear. Children cry without waking up during a night terror. When they do finally wake (sometimes hours later), they have no memory of the fear.

2. Don't mention them. Because the child doesn't know they're having night terrors, it's generally best not to talk to them about it (ironically, you'll only scare them).

3. Don't wake them. It seems the merciful thing to do, but it's hard to wake a child in the midst of a night terror. If you let them work through it, they'll keep sleeping and wake without any memory that it happened.

4. Pray for them. And know it's harder on you than it is on them.

5. They'll get over them. Night terrors can accompany a developmental/environmental change, but it seems they don't usually last more than a few days/weeks.