May the Fourth Be With You

This past weekend, we were home! So we decided to go out. But just for bursts of time between HOME, which was lovely. A few notable moments from our ordinary-weekend-feels-like-a-staycation...

FRIDAY

The Tot Lot at the Nashville Zoo -- it's basically a giant padded, open-air cell for toddlers, and they love it. I spent hours there with the boys in constant motion, living it up on a gorgeous day while all 3 boys can (barely) squeeze in under the 42" limit.

Then at 4pm, we ran to see a couple animals, including Pumbaa on the right,
just to confirm we were actually at a zoo.

SATURDAY, May the 4th
This year, we chose to honor Star Wars Day by visiting the Lego store in our area, which happens to be at Opry Mills. We hadn't been there since it was rebuilt after The Flood, so it was fun to explore, though a bit overwhelming for this non-shopper. I would go back next year to visit H&M, the Disney store, and our 2 favorites...  

You can build 3 mini-figures for $10, so Noah built a pirate captain, Aaron built a blue pirate (he'd turn everything blue if possible), and I built Josh...

The Aquarium Restaurant, where we talked to fish, then ate them. The tank was amazing, with giant eels, sharks, rays, Nemo, Dory... And of course the biggest fish is a giant shovel-nosed guitar fish named Gibson. 2nd is his groupie, a grouper.

SUNDAY
We did a little dance that we got to be back at our home church and in Sunday school for the first time in forever (we have nursery duty again next week), then we went to a real celebration: the baptism of a dear friend's son. If only it weren't followed by her moving to Belgium. The country.

Us? We're staying put, thankyouverymuch. At least till next week, when we take this show on an airplane. I'm sure there'll be more on that later...

A Rest Stop & Run

After years of carrying baby boys back and forth between Nashville and Louisville, we now know every McDonald's (or as Aaron calls the golden arches, "Costco!") on that stretch of highway. The playland is our friend.

However, when we were driving I-65 four times in one week, we decided to up the ante with "the best rest stop ever" - Dinosaur World in Cave City, KY.

Saturday, Josh and I ran the Derby Festival Mini-Marathon (13.1) through Churchill Downs. There were no lines, no traffic, cheap/easy parking, no hills, and it was 60 degrees & cloudy -- pretty much the opposite of Josh's experience last year with Nashville's Country Music Half-Marathon. He selflessly ran with me the whole time, and we finished in just under 11 min/mi. It felt great in that sore-stiff-hungry-and-tired way that makes me want to do it again.

After the race, we returned to our boys (who'd been livin' it up at the grands), cleaned up, and descended on Grandma Merrill for a big, red-meat, post-race lunch and some cuddles/playtime.

That night, we celebrated with his parents, who are also marking some special milestones this year - the kind that remind us to give thanks for them, their love, the impact they are having on their worlds, and the many years we have ahead with them.

Noah's Wedding Feast

Thankfully, no one actually got married. But Noah's preschool commemorates the end of their curriculum and preschool career with a mini representation of "the wedding feast of the Lamb" described in Revelations. It sounds weird, but the actual experience was so simple and sweet.

First, the kids processed down a white carpet while music played. When they reached their family members, we (Papa Stewart was there with me) joined our student and continued to the main hall. There, each student sat with a crown they'd made. After the director said a few words about the symbolism, each student took his crown and laid it at Jesus' feet -- representing how we will ultimately lay our most precious achievements before him out of love and thankfulness. "Jesus" (a parent&pastor the students all know) responded to each with a pat on the back and "well done."

It was a memorable way to celebrate their bright futures -- and the one who makes those futures bright. It also reminded me again of why I've loved their preschool. Everything they do is so deliberate, so integrated, that they're willing to go out on a limb to make it all click together for the kids -- even if it means replacing mortarboards with crowns (which, at 5, are a lot cooler anyway).

Celebrating with two of his best friends, who no doubt agreed with him that the ceremony was fine, but the plastic goblets that could be dismantled and converted into projectiles - those were awesome.

A Shock and Loss

On our way home from Atlanta on Tuesday, we found out that Josh's cousin Drew had fallen critically ill the night before. Josh left Wednesday morning to visit him and his family in Louisville. Josh returned Thursday night, but within a week, Drew was gone. It felt just that fast and shocking.

Drew was an avid musician, cyclist, event manager (on the grand scale - he helped run the Louisville Convention Center for years), Jesus lover, and family man. He was 41 years old, and left behind his wife and two children (5, 2).

We joined Josh's family to remember Drew the following weekend. I was amazed by the outpouring of love for Drew and his family. The line at the visitation wrapped through the halls of Middletown Christian Church and out the door for 5+ hours (they actually had to move their church service so everyone could pay their respects). The service included personal stories and songs from friends, and an honest and encouraging message from the pastor - just what I would hope to have someday, but much too soon for Drew. I was impressed by the strength and grace shown by Drew's immediate family. We will continue to pray for his wife and children especially.

Drew was most recently director of operations for the Yum! Center, the brand-new arena where the Louisville basketball team plays, among other notable acts (if you're a Nashvillian, think Bridgestone). After the funeral, his coworkers invited us for a behind-the-scenes tour of his "office." It was great to see all that he managed, but far better to see the admiration and love they felt for him. The employee who guided our tour spoke of Drew in the present tense the whole time. It's bittersweet to see how many people will remember and miss him. We will, too.

We Are the Champions

Well, not "us" exactly, but Josh will still get choked up if you ask him about Louisville's ascent to the NCAA Championship. His parents, who are secretly superheroes, got us tickets to the Final Four. Since the games were in Atlanta, we called up my brother and sister-in-law (who were on vacation), and asked if we could crash at their house before they got back. They very graciously said yes - and then came back early so that...

Josh, Noah, and my brother could meet up at the game Saturday night.

This was Aaron's reaction to being left at home.
You'll be glad to know he was easily mollified
with a few well-timed, chocolate-covered raisins.

While the score fluctuated maddeningly throughout the game, Noah kept tabs on every concession vendor walking the aisles.

He reminded me again today (3 weeks later)
that he tasted his first cotton candy at that basketball game.

With 3 minutes remaining, he was full, so he turned to Josh and asked, "Can we go now?" Uh, no. Still, Noah proved his mettle when he insisted on wearing his Cards shirt for the next 24 hours. He wasn't the only one. We were prepared...

Except for li'l bit, who had already outgrown his.
Fear not; we have plenty for him to grow into.

A MAJOR bonus of visiting Atlanta was spending the weekend with my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces...

Monday night, Josh and I joined his parents for the final game -- which was entirely too exciting and dramatic for my taste, but which Josh has suggested would make a great movie.

They won, in case you missed that.

Or should I say *we* won? I think so.

My Cheat Sheet

Introduction
Three years ago, I wrote a post in an attempt to compile the best advice I'd encountered about discipline in these early years. Last week, I revisited it to see what I've learned since then. Here's the edited version with additions but no subtractions (shocking, I know)...

Disclaimers
I've only been in the discipline business for 4.5 years, and my two samples are scrumptious kids. Clearly, I'm not qualified to write any books on discipline. But since I think it's the most difficult aspect of parenting and there is so much material out there, I thought it would help me to cull it down to the nuggets I've found most helpful.

Which does NOT mean I do all of this well!! I mess it up daily, and frankly, I'm ok with that. Right this moment, I'm convinced our relationship with the boys is strong and honest enough to handle imperfection. Regardless, I just want to make it clear this is my cheat sheet because I need one.

Our House Rules
1. Do no harm (i.e. no hitting, biting, pushing, pinching, twisting, unkind words, or throwing at people without their permission)
2. Obey, right away, with a happy heart

Attempts at Prevention
--Pick your battles: Focus on the rules that really matter and on intentional breaking of those rules. Nitpicking (constant correction, telling how they could behave better) hurts everyone.
--Consistent rules: If you disobey, it's gonna be bad.
--Not consistent consequences: When he doesn't know what the punishment will be, he's less likely to choose it. Also allows parent to adapt consequence to each situation.
--Minimize temptation by honoring his sleep/eat schedule, listening to him, granting reasonable requests, or telling him what's about to happen
--Give 2 choices, both of which I like (i.e. "Kix or Life?" not "Donuts, Pancakes, or Cereal?")
--Teach how to handle frustration i.e. ask for help, sit on the couch, count to 5, take a deep breath, put the toy in timeout, punch a pillow
--Protect treasures: put away treasured toys before visitors come
--Prepare beforehand: "Here's what's going to happen when we get there..." or "5 more minutes till bedtime" or "1 more slide before we leave" or "say bye-bye to the toy"
--Give explicit instructions: not "behave yourself" but "sit still and quietly in your seat"; not "stop whining" but "do not ask again"or "say that again in a clear, strong voice" (sometimes I demonstrate by saying it both ways - they love that)
--Take command: don't frame as a question or suggestion (i.e. "Are you ready to leave?") if you need them to obey ("It's time to leave."). Look them in the eye, speak clearly and firmly (not loudly or harshly), and tell them what they need to do so there's no confusion.
--Avoid the n-word: phrases like "not right now" or "danger" can help avoid saying "no" all day long
--Don't overpromise: If I'm not positive we'll get to the park, I won't tell him till we're on our way there.
--Use Quiet Time: More intervention than punishment, if I see he's getting grouchy/whiny/rambunctious, I'll tell him to sit on the couch (not in another room like timeout) and rest till he's ready to play/talk nicely.
--Use Space: If he's not playing well with Aaron, I'll separate them (one plays on the hardwood while the other plays on the carpet)
--Laugh or love through it: Periodically I'll respond to testiness with a "wrestle moment" or "tickle tackle." Or we'll just hug or read a book or have him sit on my lap while I work on something. I don't want to reward bad behavior, but sometimes I can tell he just needs some lovin'.

The Consequences
--Bottom line: lack of respect = lack of privileges
--Take your time: Do not discipline in anger. Send him to timeout if you need to calm down or figure out an appropriate consequence (or consult a husband/friend/book).
--Follow through!! Don't say it unless you plan to do it.
--Consequences...

• Pop his hand (especially for 1-yr-olds)
• Toy time-out for 5 minutes (or more)
• Boy time-out for 5 minutes (use a timer and/or pack-n-play if needed)
• Return to car for 5min (if out somewhere)
• Nap/Bed (if you're too tired to ____, then you must need to go to bed)
• Delay or cancel outing or treat
• Spanking (last resort, only when done well*)

Addenda
1. Discipline is for their good! Lots of research has re-affirmed that one of the most important assets for a successful life (i.e. not going to jail, not getting addicted to drugs, etc) is self-control (or its variants such as delayed gratification). Discipline is not about me being so great - it's about equipping them to flourish in this world.
2. Conversation/emotion = attention = reward, so we don't talk much during discipline and I try to stay matter-of-fact. Originally I had to teach him about timeout, but now he knows, so I can just tell him to go there. If he asks why, I'll tell him briefly ("You hit Aaron"). That's it. No long explanations or melodrama. When the timer rings, I ask if he's ready to come out. He says he's sorry and the rule he broke. I remind him I love him. Then we're done.
3. Some natural consequences are enough. If he doesn't eat his dinner, he'll be hungry. If he doesn't put his shoes on, his feet may hurt. Don't interfere. Just enjoy that nature's pitching in.
4. "When you do ___, ___ happens". Discipline is not about me being upset or making him miserable. He makes a choice and experiences the result. When he's upset with the result, I can commiserate with him, but that doesn't change the result. That way hopefully it doesn't come between us. It's more about him and his actions/choices.
5. The Big "S" I don't like spanking on several levels. It feels lazy as a parent and doesn't model how I want him to handle problems, so we save it for: a) when there's no other choice, or b) when we've tried all the other choices and they routinely haven't worked.
6. All in the context of a loving relationship, of course!! We talk about everything, spend tons of time together, and have lots of fun, which keeps discipline from hijacking our relationship (except on the days when he spends half his time in timeout). I'm just praying this works when he's 15!

Sources
Parenting with Love & Logic
Don't Make Me Count to Three
Nanny to the Rescue
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers
Loving the Little Years
Grace-Based Parenting
*Shepherding a Child's Heart

Baby Fog

Now that Isaac is seven months old, I'm emerging from the 6-month fog that is life with a newborn. I've experienced it with all three boys, but never seem to remember why I felt that way after it has passed. So here's a little documentation to refresh my memory when my friends are greeting me through their own newborn haze...

• During those first 6 months, I'm fully supporting the growth of a human being. He may be out of my belly, but he still gets all nourishment from moi.
• As he grows, he eats more. As he eats more, I sleep more. Most days, it felt like an actual fog would settle around my brain at 1pm, forcing me to nap as my factory--er, body--worked overtime to support someone that's almost visibly growing.
• This fatigue and the accompanying cocktail of postpartum and nursing hormones saps me of creativity and memory -- inconvenient attributes when you're a writer and mother of 3.
• Said cocktail also makes exercise daunting because... 1) I can't afford to be even more tired, 2) Nursing every 3hrs and managing everyone's schedules make the logistics...challenging (also because it's harder to find sitters I trust with a newborn), and 3) The hormones make my body (temporarily!) old and creaky and injury-prone.
• To complicate matters this time, Isaac does NOT tolerate caffeine well (as I discover every time I try it again), so I've been on my own in the energy department.

Excuse me while I just squeeze
this thumb in there.

Fortunately, the first six months are also a beautiful time of...

• cuddling with a newborn, 
• feeling his super-soft hair and skin on my cheek, 
• bathing his belly and cleaning between his teensy toes, 
• hearing him coo in the backseat or belly-laugh at his crazy big brothers, 
• watching him examine his hands as he turns them in front of his face (What are they?),
• confidently focusing my time/attention on being a mom,
• carrying him on my chest in the Ergo,
• loving the taste of water by the gallon,
• inspiring strangers to smile or comment wherever we go,
• having 20-minute breaks of rest and quiet reserved for the two of us 5-6 times/day,
• not having to remember or buy separate food for him,
• getting reacquainted with the crib room ladies and nursing room at church,
• knowing I still have a decent (though dwindling) excuse for the extra weight I'm carrying,
• comforting my baby with the ultimate soothing "machine,"
• having a stationary cuddlebug who needs no prefab entertainment or discipline,
• taking pictures and soaking up every moment of this fleeting, crucial season of his life.

Teething, anyone?

A Birthday & A Baptism

This weekend, we celebrated the oldest and newest members on my side of our family - my dad Saturday and son Sunday. My heart feels full and happy from all the smiles, conversations, reunions, laughter, prayer, food, and memories we shared in less than 48 hours...

SaturDay: Farmers' market, french toast, baseball,
Costco, basketball, kale & sweet potatoes,
Legos, snuggles, "Earth," and silliness.
I just wish I'd gotten more pics of everyone!

SaturNight: Started with an early dinner -- pizza for the kids at our house,
Boxwood Bistro for the adults. Which seemed to make everyone happy.

SaturNight (cont): Finished at home with ice cream cake, presents, and a photo montage for the septuagenarian. ;)

Sunday we initiated Isaac into our church family with a little sprinkling...

After 13 years at Christ Pres, it means so much to know our boys are
growing up in such a strong community. It's cliche but true:
It takes a village.

 And the after-party...

I do not deserve such a great family. I didn't earn it. Most people don't get one. I can't explain it. But I am so, so thankful for it.

If These Walls Could Talk

Turns out, they can.

It started a couple weeks ago, when Josh noticed a wet spot on our first floor ceiling, suspiciously located directly under the boys' bathroom, where an overstuffed (with paper) toilet had flooded during an eventful potty-training session.

Then one night, I was sitting writing at the kitchen table when I heard a small, intermittent fizzling sound by the oven. I kept checking the burners and coffee maker. Finally realized it was the outlet behind the bread machine (i.e. paperweight).

Last night, I got up to use the restroom at 3:30am and it sounded like an upstairs toilet was running. I searched the house but couldn't find the source. My sweet and courageous husband went under the house at 4am to find a hot water leak in the crawl space.

Today, I am thanking God that

1) He put us in the right spots to notice the problems,
2) He gave us a trustworthy and reasonable handyman who fixed all three, and
3) We still have a house, which we will listen to more carefully than ever before.

Don't Tell My Editor

I have so much writing for work to do that I feel like a kid playing hookie. But, I just have to record some updates on the boys or I might burst. So here's me indulging. Just don't tell my editor, and if you think of it, pray for me when the last week of February (and my deadline) rolls around...

5 1/2

I have to literally remind myself he's five. He "gets" jokes and stories and so much conversation that it's fun and surprising and a little inconvenient sometimes. ;) He's starting to put words together on paper and still stringing stories verbally throughout the day. He can talk your ear off about Star Wars Lego Wii, but to my everlasting joy, he also loves reading through a junior classics series with me (Treasure Island, Pinnochio, Wind in the Willows, Jungle Book, Moby Dick, Black Beauty, Call of the Wild, White Fang, etc) and The Chronicles of Narnia. Noah has a huge heart for his family -- brothers, parents, grandparents, and cousins -- and counts the days till he will see each of them again. I love spending the weeks with him and have already started to panic that they are disappearing. If you have suggestions for things we simply must do before kindergarten, please tell me!

3 1/2

Still adorably three, Aaron is talking more clearly and fluently than ever. I am daily caught off guard by a new sentence structure or connection he's made. One of the best concepts he learned at school is "later." He says it all the time, and it's the quickest way to avoid a meltdown. He just told me: "Mommy, I have yogurt yater? (pauses, points his finger in the air and raises his eyebrows) I have an idea! I have yogurt yater!" His playfulness and sense of humor are strong as ever, and he is such a sunshine. Except when he's not. The last couple weeks were particularly trying for him as he had a bad cold and missed Josh terribly. But I see light ahead as Josh has his first day off tomorrow in 3 weeks AND Aaron is becoming more rational by the minute. Well, at least by the month.

1/2

My sweetie sweetie. I have friends who are currently struggling with the idea of original sin, and when I look at Isaac, I totally get that. I know it'll come eventually, but right now, he's all sweetness. I don't deserve such an easy baby. He's rolling, thinking about sitting, and eating his peas and carrots (unlike some other boys I know). Eye contact makes him smile, Noah makes him laugh, and Aaron makes him brace himself. I cherish my days with him, now that I know how quickly they fly.

The Denny Disney Adventure of 2013

We're back, we survived, and I'll be the first to admit, Operation Walt Disney World (WDW) was a success. We loved it. All of us.

Since I was more nervous than excited beforehand, I thought I'd start with a post about why we attempted it now. Since EVERY friend I've talked to has asked for details (seems they're all planning trips to WDW), I'll include where we stayed and what we thought of it -- also because I'm pretty sure I'll be using this info again in a few years... If you have no plans to go, or if all your kids are 6+, feel free to skip the boring parts.

How It All Began

A year ago, I asked Josh how he'd like to celebrate tenure (calm down - he doesn't have it yet), and he knew immediately: Take the boys to Disney. To which I replied, What's your second choice?

We'd done Disney with a baby (see here and here), and it was not easy. I was stressed too much of that trip and not eager to do it again. But with time and negotiation, I caught some of my sweet man's enthusiasm:

• Noah (5) is the perfect age for the Star Wars and pirate rides (plus everything else).
• Aaron (3) is the perfect age for the Magic Kingdom (Toy Story, Winnie the Pooh, Peter Pan, Dumbo, etc, etc, etc).
• Isaac (6mo) is easier now than he will be for a couple more years because he's not mobile, not opinionated, and not easily scared.
• For the next few months, it would be relatively easy for my parents to join us.

So we worked out a deal...

The Deal

We would go back to Disney World this year IF we could afford to:

1. Fly there/back. With a baby nursing every 3 hours, a newly-potty-trained 3-year-old who could call for a pit stop at any moment, and 3 boys who do NOT sleep in the car, driving would require an extra night in a different hotel each way and would NOT start us on the right foot (and would cost us about $900+).

2. Stay in a 1-bedroom, so we wouldn't all keep each other awake all night.

3. At the Bay Lake Tower (BLT), where you can walk in/out of the Magic Kingdom with a stroller and no shuttles.

Booking

These were no small potatoes, so I went on the hunt for discounts, checking WDW and SWA's websites obsessively for the right room/fare to come available. If you're planning a trip, here's what I learned about WDW's discounts:

• WDW is the only broker who sells and discounts their rooms.
• The best time to book a discount room is the day the discount is announced. They reserve a block of rooms for each discount (like reward seats on airlines). Once that block is full, there may be similar rooms available, but not at the discount.
• You can cancel a room reservation with no penalties until the week of your trip, so lots of people hold or reserve rooms then later cancel (hence the fluctuations in availability).
• Disney will transfer your bags between rooms if you stay at more than one in-park resort.
• Crowds are lowest during a few scattered weeks in Sept, Dec, Jan, April, and May (see here for more detail),
• You can buy a Disney Vacation Club member's points to stay cheaper, but there's more risk involved.
• The dining plans used to be a good deal but aren't anymore (more on food in a later post).

We settled on January because Isaac would be more portable, Noah wouldn't be in kindergarten yet, and my parents could join us for the first 2 days. It was too late to get a discount BLT 1-bedroom for 4 nights, so we stayed at the Art of Animation (AoA) resort the first night and then switched (yes, I was willing to compromise).

The Resorts

Art of Animation

• ROOM: New 1-bedroom with kitchenette and 2 full baths sleeps 6 (barely) plus baby. PRO: We were able to fit Isaac's pack-n-play in the master bath. CON: You can't leave the 2 full beds in the main room open if you want to walk around or eat at a table.
• THEME: Boys liked the Cars theme, but next time I'd choose a Nemo suite because it's closer to the front (+ buses) and has a much better pool, though it may not be as quiet.
• FOOD: There's not good take-out food, so you have to bring your own to use the kitchenette.
• TRANSPORT: Needed stroller to walk from rooms to buses but then had to fold up stroller on bus (i.e. transfer everything under stroller to bags and repack on arrival at park, plus move kids). This was key as it was hard to do alone (so Josh and I couldn't leave at different times, which meant we all stayed for Isaac's naps or he missed them and melted in the park). Buses usually made 1 other stop between AoA and the parks = 30min between AoA and Hollywood Studios or Epcot (it's closest neighbors). More to Magic Kingdom. This was a killer for me.
• BOTTOM LINE: Not easy with a baby, but would be fun with kids 3+. It's like a really fun-themed basic hotel but with the advantages of staying in the park.
• FYI - The toilets here and in the parks are super loud, which led to lots of problems for us and a certain 3-yr-old. This was better at BLT.

Bay Lake Tower

• ROOM: New 1-bedroom with full kitchen and 2 full baths sleeps 5 plus baby. We fit Isaac in the master water closet, using bathroom as sound buffer. We left the queen sofabed open all the time and had plenty of space. In-room washer and dryer (SO great b/c I didn't stress over spills/accidents/blowouts, running out of clean clothes, or bringing home tons dirty). Nice big chair for nursing. Toddler high chair and pack-n-play in every suite. And great kitchen seating.
• THEME: New, contemporary, and elegant, which appealed more to Josh and I. Still, the boys preferred it because of cool amenities: the monorail, 5th-floor walkway, rooftop viewing area, a better pool*, big-screen outdoor movies, and a bonfire with unlimited marshmallows.
• FOOD: Besides the pool bar/food, you can walk a few hundred feet to the Contemporary convenience store (with food basics) and restaurants. I brought food for breakfasts and lunches but could have supplemented with the convenience store (milk, etc) and never left the park.
• TRANSPORT: We only went to Magic Kingdom from the BLT, and it was a joy. A 10-minute walk. Right past all the buses. No folding up strollers. We could go in/out separately. No wait. If we were tired, we took the monorail home (still no folding strollers and little wait). BEST FEATURE BY FAR.
• BOTTOM LINE: Lovely, fun, easy, restful, perfect for us, but no theming. This hands-down made my vacation, which meant everyone else had more fun.
• FYI - I just checked and rates for spring look much higher--nearly double--our 35% off the January rate, so season really matters here. If you're willing to risk it, you can get a deeper discount by renting a Disney Vacation Club member's points to stay at BLT.

My Big Drinker

Yay! Look at me! Such a big boy in this chair.

Hey, Daddy! What's that you have?

Wait a minute... You want to put that where??

I don't think so!

Happy 1/2 Birthday, baby!

Christmas Flu By

It feels like just yesterday that I was telling the boys Daddy would be home for the next TEN DAYS -- days filled with church services, movies, cooking, meals, cousins, presents, and visits from out-of-town family and friends. We were all eager.

And it began beautifully. A quiet family weekend. Grandparents arrived for Christmas Eve. A candlelit service. Friends joined us for dinner in the dining room.

I didn't notice anything amiss until Christmas morning, when I woke with a soar throat I
couldn't shake. Still, it faded into the background as our little elves collected candy, ate french toast and sausage for breakfast, opened presents, and played with each new toy in turn.
 

I slept through lunch, but it wasn't till evening that my temperature started to climb. Patient 0 was falling fast.

Thursday, Noah followed with a fever and cough.

Friday, it was Isaac's turn.

Saturday, Josh.

Makes it all sound simple. Ha. But in the spirit of the season (and because we can practically recite "White Christmas" with the boys), we're going to count our blessings... 

1. Several of my relatives came to visit, but they all had other places to hang out while we were in quarantine. So far, none of them have gotten sick from us. We hope.

2. Our flu shots and tamiflu helped protect us from a more severe course. Fevers around 102 for 3-5 days could've been 104 for 5-10 days. It all could've been much worse.

3. Even little Isaac, who was too young for the shot or medicine, got both through me. His congestion made it difficult to nurse, but my pump made it possible for him to still get the good stuff -- and return to nursing after his case cleared up. I take back all the nasty things I've ever said about my pump. 

4. Aaron, miraculously, is the only one who never got sick (thank God). Noah, on the other hand, got flu and strep on top of each other but seemed impressively un-phased.

5. I am married to a doctor. While he doesn't keep a full clinic in our home, he brings knowledge and a sense of calm. He's seen it all before, and he knows when/how to react -- including when to head over to the Vandy Walk-in Clinic or our pediatrician's weekend hours, for which we are also thankful.

6. Josh and I were both home and took turns getting sick. I'm usually good at planning my illnesses when Josh is unavailable. This time, God was merciful. Josh took care of all 3 boys while I was sick (Wed-Sat) and then I took over while he camped out in the bedroom (Sat-Tues). This alone saved us.

7. Facebook helped us figure out that it was the flu and communicate with others in the same boat. As a result, a few different neighbors brought Gatorade, oatmeal, chicken noodle soup, and salad right to our front door. The food definitely tasted sweeter knowing the hearts behind it.

8. Josh was supposed to work 12/31-1/1 in the hospital, but one of his mentors took the holiday for him. What a relief that he could stay in bed and sleep it off rather than sharing his shot-resistant flu with his already-sick geriatric patients.

9. We're all on the mend. I still haven't made it out of the house much, but another day of rest has us ready to jump back into the routine...soon.

10. We should NOT get the flu next week, when we head south for The Denny Disney Adventure of 2013. But of course, prayers are appreciated. ;)

Erasing Hell

The longer I live, the more I see the danger of assumptions -- beliefs we hold but never really examine. Perhaps this is why it thrills me to discover a new perspective that challenges my assumptions. I'm on one of these tears right now, and it's about a big one.

I would guess most of my generation in the U.S. doesn't believe in a specific after-life. We're too "scientific" for that. Heaven sounds a little too much like Santa Clause. But an even smaller number would admit to believing in Hell. I feel repulsion just typing the word.

Which is kind-of staggering, when you consider that an after-life is a major piece of every world's religion, and Hell plays prominently in several. For centuries, it was the posterboy for Christianity: Fire and brimstone, anyone?

A while ago, there was a big to-do about a book that challenged Hell's existence or relevance. Soon after, I added Francis Chan's response to my Wish List.

Which is how I wound up getting a book about Hell for Christmas.

But what really took me by surprise was my own reaction to it. I have grown up in a Bible-believing family, and today I live in a very conservative Christian bubble. Yet I still find the idea that Hell could really exist incomprehensible. It's not that I disagree with the idea, it's that my brain can't figure out how to process it.

Why?? Most of the world has no problem believing in Hell. Most people throughout history have assumed it exists. What's my problem?

My latest guess? I think it's because I live so far from hell - from recognized, overt evil. If I'd experienced a holocaust, I imagine my ability to understand evil and its consequences would be vastly different. Instead, I feel like a citizen of The Capital in The Hunger Games -- too comfortable, too spoiled, too naive to imagine we're doing anything wrong.

The fact is, I live in an entitlement culture* -- one that turns every habitual failure into a disease, every natural impulse into an identity, every ideal into a right. No one "sins" anymore, and certainly nothing is "evil"! Society has experienced a gradual shift to not just tolerate but to legitimize any behavior -- and to divorce that behavior from its destructive consequences (to eliminate guilt). As a result, self-denial, punishment, and discipline are practically taboo, because they imply that some things are wrong and we're responsible to resist them. It's one grand way of trying to erase evil, though it just makes evil harder to recognize (and thus more dangerous).

Still, I am not immune to this culture. I want everything and everyone to be OK. I don't want to be guilty. I rather like that I'm rarely held to a higher standard. Self-discipline in my life usually means I eat one cookie instead of two. Or I do the jobs I love anyway. It is so easy to rationalize my own laziness and under-appreciate evil. I even see it in my doctrine: I'm so saturated with teaching on God's love and grace, that I was shocked to discover how many times Jesus actually repeated the words "weeping and gnashing of teeth."

I remember once hearing a British writer describe why murder mysteries are so popular -- because the murder sets everything into dramatic relief. The darkness of the deed makes its context bolder, more important, and thus more interesting. I'm still trying to figure out how Hell affects my functional worldview, but so far, I can see glimpses of how such a dire endgame would have a similar impact on life. So I'm going to start with recognizing the sin in my life (easier than I'd like to admit) and the practice of a little more discipline -- not to avoid Hell, but to correct my view of what's going on here on Earth.

*I'm not referring to government programs here but a broader mindset about our collective social norms.